Here For a Moment, Gone in a Blink
by k-marieee
Summary: "I for one had never talked to Lily, I don't really think many people have.From what I've heard she used to have friends,not many mind you, but for some reason after fifth year she just stopped talking to everyone." -Katarina Meadows. SUMMARY INSIDE!
1. Katarina and the Marauders

**Okay so this is my new story, "Here For a Moment, Gone in a Blink." I really like writing this story for some reason, I haven't quite figured out why though. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I like writing it.**

**FULL SUMMARY: **Lily Evans doesn't have any friends, especially since her only true friend Severus, turned out to not be very true at all after he called her a mudblood, in front of half of the school. She's a smart quiet girl, that mostly minds her own business. But something happens that puts her on the marauder's radar and suddenly they seem to be everywhere, especially their best mate Katarina Meadows who can't seem to leave her alone. They all begin to like her, Except James Potter who can barely stand the sight of her, or anyone for that matter. There are problems that he's holding in that make him that way and well as she grows closer to all his friends, she can't help but want to know who and what made James Potter a complete areshole. And she won't stop until she finds out, even if they're getting in the way of her own problems.

**In this story you will also see some Sirius/OC and Remus/OC!**

Chapter one- Katarina and the Marauders.

"Seriously James? Enough." I shake my head. "Merlin, you're such a prick sometimes."

James Potter lifted his head from Snape and stared at me without interest.

"Is that so, Katarina?" He asked in what seemed to be a calm demeanor when really, everyone could see how clearly pissed off he was. "Are you saying that I should just let him go, after what he said to _you?_"

I stared at my best mate and knew how wrong it was to push his buttons because James Potter was not known to be calm or nice, even. Especially during a fight and even when the person was someone he deeply cared for. When he gets like this he becomes completely stoic. Nothing can touch him.

"That is exactly what I'm saying." I tell him, deciding to push his buttons anyway. Because even though James usually doesn't back down from a fight, he always listens to reason. The boys that stood around me turned quiet, not wanting to involve themselves in one of mine and James' rows. "Remus is a prefect, you know how much trouble he could get in. And you yourself are Head Boy! Knock it off."

James sighed and turned away from Snape. He was quiet, too quiet and I wasn't sure how this was going to work out. It could go one of two ways. He could completely ignore me and go back to what he was doing or he could agree with me and back down.

"You're right." He says after a while with a shake of his head. "My bad Remus."

_And crisis averted._

Remus rolls his amber colored eyes. "It's cool; I probably could have easily blamed it on someone else anyway, as could you."

I grin at Remus. "Well in that case." I walk over to Snape, to where he was laying stiff as a board on the ground and stomp on his large nose. "Take that, you slimy little git."

James wraps his around my shoulder, turning me in the opposite direction towards the common room. "Oh Kitty Kat, one day you are going to give a bloke a lot of trouble. I feel for him."

I raise an eye brow in his direction. "He feels sorry for me?" I ask Sirius, Remus, and Peter all of whom had amused smiles on their faces. "What about you and that temper Mr. Potter? A girl will look at you and run in the complete opposite direction." I stop and think for a moment. "Sort of like they do now."

"Oh sod off." He says jokingly, pushing me away from him. "Girls love me. They find me attractive and highly good in bed."

I scrunched up my nose in disgust. "Gross James, really."

"You sounded a bit conceited there, Prongs." Sirius says from my left.

"Oh!" I said turning to him. "The great Sirius Black has spoken, bloody hypocrite. You are the most conceited boy I know!"

"She's got a point, mate." Remus agrees with a smile.

Sirius just shrugs already knowing it's the truth.

"Katarina?" I glance at Peter who had been uncharacteristically quiet.

"Yeah?"

"Well no offense to you and your 'big head', but aren't you a tad bit conceited as well?"

We all get quiet for a moment and then burst out in laughter. It was times like these, when Peter said those types of comments that we realized maybe he was just like us after all.

**XX**

The common room was empty when we walked in, all except for Lily Evans. Lily's bright green eyes flickered with the flames she seemed to be staring at. Her expression was completely blank and one that I had seen on Sirius too many times to count.

_Something happened._

I for one had never talked to Lily. I don't really think many people have. From what I heard she used to have friends, not many mind you, but for some reason after fifth year she just stopped talking to everyone. Especially that git Snape, who even after supposedly being her best friend called her a mudblood. It was in front of us and basically half the school, sometime after our Defense Exam last year. To say that James went completely crazy was an understatement. Hell, even Sirius got involved.

I waited for her to make some sort of comment of how we were out passed curfew seeing as she was Head Girl, but she said nothing. I wasn't even sure if she knew we were standing there.

I shared a quick glance with Remus, who looked slightly unnerved by the blank stare on her face.

"Leave it alone." James hissed.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Who cares what's wrong with her."

"Again James, sometimes you can be the biggest prick."

He shakes his head. "Oh, alright."

"Evans?" Remus calls out.

She doesn't answer him.

I bite my lip. "Lily?"

Surprisingly the sound of her first name, that I don't think ever rolled off my tongue before, had her turning her face in my direction. A brief look of shock settled across her features before turning blank again.

"Oh, Katarina. Didn't see you there."

"Are you alright?" I ask finally after nothing else was said.

"Me?" She asks quickly and then shakes her head. "No, I'm fine. Just enjoying the fire is all."

I knew she was lying and I wanted nothing more than to call her out on it but I didn't, because I, just like James, didn't really care about the well being of other people beside my friends and when I did, I normally felt that something was wrong with me.

I nodded my head and looked away from her. I felt her stare on the back of my head for a moment, and then it was gone.

"Shall we go up?"

The boys nodded their heads, Remus reluctantly, and we turned, heading up to the boys dormitory. I glanced over my shoulder one last time and looked at Lily Evans. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and her head titled slightly to the side. If it wasn't for the fire, I never would have seen the single tear that glistened off her cheek. It stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Kat?" Sirius questioned, his eyes curious. "You coming?"

I forced myself to look away from Lily and smiled at him.

"Of course."

I grabbed his outstretched hand and followed them in the bedroom. At the same time the door slammed, I could have sworn I heard a high pitched cry.

I shook my head lightly, all but forgetting Lily.

_It was probably just my imagination right?_

**XX**

The next morning at breakfast, I couldn't help but notice that Lily Evans was missing from her usual spot at the end of the table. I shook my head and took a bite of toast before lifting the Prophet and opening to the second page. I read on completely uninterested until something on the page popped out on me.

_Young Muggle-Born witch Lily Evans' home was burnt to the ground last night around 9:00 PM, the dark mark, hanging over head. It was said that a young girl survived, a sister possibly, but the bodies off her parents were discovered already dead. Not a trace of another possible death other than one of the unforgivable curses, Avada Kederva. The Death Eaters have been…._

I glanced up from the paper and set it down carefully.

"What's wrong?" James asked, his eyes focused completely on my own.

I grabbed another piece of toast. "Lily Evans' parents were murdered last night. _Death Eaters._"

Remus let out a low whistle. "Merlin." He said with a shake of his head.

"Think she knew last night, in the common room?"

I glanced at Peter with a roll of my eyes, trying to get rid of my uneasiness. "Obviously Wormtail, what else would it have been?"

"Well she doesn't have any friends!" He defended.

"But sir!" I heard a loud voice yell from just outside the great hall, effectively cutting off the insult I was just going to say to Peter.

"Enough Miss Evans. The answer is no." I raised an eye brow at the finality of Dumbledore's words. Lily didn't seem to understand it.

"They were my _parents!"_ She stressed.

"Miss Evans, you know how deeply sorry I am for their loss it's just-"

"YOU!" Lily screamed cutting off the Headmaster. "You were the only ones that knew where they lived! How dare you, as if you didn't ruin my life already!"

I knew, in that moment, exactly who she was talking to.

_Snape._

I slipped carefully out of my seat and took off towards the entrance. Curious as to what was going on.

When I got there, Lily had already pointed her wand at Snape's throat. Snape's face was completely shocked and completely clear. There wasn't a trace of the damage we had done to it, just last night.

"I trusted you. You were my best friend! Not only did you call me a mudblood-" Her hand shook slightly.

I stared at her in shock. Dumbledore took a step forward. "Lily."

She kept on speaking. "But then you had to give Voldemort my parent's address? What is wrong with _you?_"

It wasn't just her hand, I noted. Her whole body was shaking.

"Lily, I didn't-" Snape stuttered. "I swear."

"Your word means _nothing _to me." And then her eyes flashed. "_I'll kill you! _I swear I will!"

"Lily, why don't you come with me?" Dumbledore asked, placing a hand on her arm.

She whirled on him. "And you, you told me they would be safe! How did they find them?"

I felt James come and stand beside me, his hand placed firmly on my back.

"I'm sorry Lily." The regret on Dumbledore's face had even her hard exterior cracking.

"Fine." She sneered, in attempt to stay angry. She lowered her wand from Snape's neck. "You have three seconds to get out of my sight."

He stared at her.

"3,2-"

Before she could even reach one he was pushing past me to get into the great hall. I made sure to slam into his shoulder extra hard.

"Alright there Snivelly?" I yelled after him. "Surprised you didn't pee yourself, running away like the little coward you are!"

"Katarina." Dumbledore spoke calmly. "Enough, please."

"Certainly, sir." I said with a charming smile.

"Now Lily, why don't you-"

"Hey Evans, come sit with us today?" I ask, cutting right over Dumbledore.

"I expect you read about my parents. You never asked me to sit with you, why start now?" I opened my mouth quickly, but shut it. "Exactly, I don't need your pity."

"She was just trying to be nice, Evans. And besides, _I _don't want you to sit with us anyway." James said, his temper flaring.

I grabbed his arm and began pulling him behind me. "James if Evans doesn't want to sit with us, she doesn't want to sit with us."

He scoffed. "Whatever." And walked back to his seat.

"He can be a bit angry sometimes." I tell Lily. "He doesn't mean anything by it."

"Of course he does." She says evenly. "You're the great Marauders and I'm Lily Evans. We don't clash well together anyway." Before I could say anything she turns to Dumbledore. "Your Office then sir?"

Dumbledore smiled at her change of attitude. "Yes Miss Evans." He said, placing a hand on her back. "I feel like I could really use a cockroach cluster…."

**XX**

I raised an eye brow at Remus as we stepped into the Potions classroom. Clearly we were late seeing as most of the students had already taken their seats and Professor Slughorn may also have been standing by the chalkboard teaching.

"Boys!" He yells loudly, and then catching my glare. "And girl! Why in the name of Merlin are you so late?"

Regulus turned around and caught my eye, smirking at me. I smirked back.

_Cheeky bastard._

"Right, sorry sir." Sirius says with a smile. "I was a bit caught up on finishing my Transfiguration homework from last night. Last minute, I know. And they were helping me to gather up my things. We tried to get here as fast as we could."

Slughorn easily falling for the story grinned. "Ah Mr. Black, you better start doing your homework on time m'boy. I'll let it slide."

"Thank you sir."

"Well then, go on, take your seats."

Following Remus, I slip into the seat beside him not wanting to partner up with my other mates, seeing as I'd only get distracted if I did.

"Now that I can continue on, I'd like all of you to turn to page 43 in your texts books and read about the proper brewing of the poly juice potion."

I snort and slide my head into my hands. "Rather not."

Remus who normally doesn't miss a chance to read anything, also rested his head on his hand and turned in my direction. "Think Evans is okay?"

I looked towards the other side of the room where Lily was sitting by herself, the text book directly under her nose. Her left hand twitched slightly every once in a while and her pale face was scrunched up in thought, probably trying her best to pay attention to what she was reading.

"I don't know Rem." I admit. "She really does have no one."

He bites his lip continuing to stare in her direction.

A low whistle brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced up at Regulus and smiled. "Remus, I'll be right back."

"Talking to him again?" He asks disdainfully looking towards Reg. "You know Pads hates it when you talk to him."

"Yes well we've been over this." I tell him. "Many, many times and the fact still remains that Regulus is my friend and has been my friend since first year."

"Well it'll be different now." Remus comments conversationally.

"Why would it be different?" I demand loudly. "Sorry professor." I say quickly noticing the man glaring in my direction.

"It just is."

"Just because Sirius kissed me doesn't mean he has some sort of claim over me now!" I hiss. "And besides, it was just a kiss anyway. It didn't mean anything for the pair of us and I'd wish you'd all stop bringing it up!"

I grab my things and storm over to Regulus' table and drop down on the stool with a sigh.

"Looked like a pretty heated conversation, you had there." He says with a smile.

"Oh stuff it."

"What was it about?"

"Well Remus has just brought up the kiss I shared with your brother, _again!_" I tell him. "For about the hundredth time!"

He chuckles lightly. "Bad luck mate."

I place my head in my hands. "It sucks because I guess they were expecting we'd be together by now and obviously we're not! He hasn't even kissed me since."

"It was only last week, Kitty Kat." Reg reminds me. "And it may have something to do with the fact that you have a boyfriend. Who you've been with for about six months."

The brief reminder has me staring in his direction. _Tom Davies._ He was sitting just to the left of James and Sirius with one of his friends from Ravenclaw, Katie something or other.

"That's completely besides the point." I say quickly looking away from him. "And I know it's only been a week, but still, he could have mentioned something. I mean we're with each other 24/7. And we still act like nothing's happened not during breakfast or classes or even during our night pranks to er-"

"Severus?" He fills in gently. "I figured as much when he stumbled into our dorm. Though I don't really consider that a prank. I think you just kicked his arse."

"Yes, well he said some very mean things about me and-"

"Potter felt the need to step in, I know."

I raise an eye brow. "How? I wasn't aware that you two spoke of those sort of things."

"We don't and I'm not blind to Potter's temper you know. He's got a rotten one and can honestly be quite cruel sometimes."

"Yes." I agree. "He was pretty cruel to Evans earlier."

"Lily Evans?" He asks. "The red head?"

"Yup. Apparently her parents were murdered."

He cleared his throat and tugged on the collar of his shirt. "I heard."

I clenched my teeth while my hands tightened into fists at my side. This is where our friendship became the hardest. I knew deep down that Regulus was a Slytherin at heart. He could be the shame shy boy I've known since first year and he could be caring and sweet but it all came down to one thing. Regulus and I did not share the same views, granted he didn't always disagree with me. It started more around the workings of our fifth year and even though I know he's a muggle-born hating prat, I can't seem to end my friendship with the first person who even took the time to notice me during our first year.

"I bet you did."

"Don't get all sour with me. You're no better than I am." He says, temper flaring slightly.

"Excuse me?"

"You hex innocent Slytherins just for fun." He clarifies. "They're not all death eater wanna-be's you know."

I sighed because really? Regulus did have somewhat of a point.

"We agreed to keep that part of our lives separate." I said suddenly. "And that's why we're gonna do."

He nods.

"Anyway, he was being uncommonly mean to the poor girl." I say, half glancing in her direction. "She has no friends."

"So be her friend." He says with a shrug.

I groan. "It's not that easy."

"Why?"

"It just isn't." I say stiffly. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I glance over at the red head again, her eyes lock with mine for a moment before I feel a warm hand being placed on my cheek turning my head back in his direction.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out." He says softly. "You always do."

"Not always." I tell him. "But most of the time."

"There's that cocky attitude I love." He says moving his hand from my cheek and tapping underneath my chin. "Buck up, kid."

I nod my head and smile. Hoping that just this once I could do the right thing. _Whatever that is._


	2. Gryffindor and Slytherin

**I have to say, I'm not really liking my summary. I'm terrible at writing them anyway. And I mean really terrible. I feel like there is much more to this story than what I wrote in the summary….**

Chapter two- Gryffindor and Slytherin.

**-Lily'sPOV-**

I could feel the eyes burning into the side of my head as I read on. I tried concentrating, tried to block it out of my mind but I couldn't. I glanced over and briefly met the eyes of Katarina Meadows. She was sitting with Regulus Black across the room, completely away from her mates and _boyfriend_. I watched curiously as Regulus placed a hand on her cheek and turned her back in his direction. I suddenly wondered why it was I never knew they were friends. Or maybe I just wondered why they were friends at all. Katarina wasn't known for her pleasantries. She was known for hexing almost every Slytherin that crossed her path or anyone that looked at her the wrong way, really. So, I found it really interesting that she was friends with a Slytherin, though not just any Slytherin. He was her best friend's, younger brother.

It was a known fact that the two Blacks hated one another. Sirius, the oldest by only 10 or so months, despised his little brother with all of his being. Just last summer he had ran away from the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black or so it was called.

I glanced quickly at the said boy who sat in the back with Potter. He was glaring in the direction of his brother and Katarina. His fathomless grey eyes narrowed into slits. He anxiously tapped his fingers on the desk in front of him before James, who probably was annoyed, grabbed Sirius' fingers in his hand, squeezed them once and then quickly released them. Sirius took the hint, because instead of tapping his fingers, he started running it through his already messy hair.

It made me smile, almost, as James reached out again and pulled his fingers away from his hair.

"Knock it off, mate." He whispered to Sirius. "They're just talking."

"I don't care." Sirius snaps. "How could she talk to him after- after-"

"Don't you trust her?" James interrupts.

"Of course I do."

James lifts the right side of his mouth up in a little smile. "Alright then, let it go."

Sirius sighed and turned away from the Gryffindor and Slytherin across the room. "Whatever." He mumbled and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

I felt bad for him, almost. It was obvious that he was bothered by this, maybe for the simple fact that he hated, to hate his brother. Maybe he regrets whatever happened.

I shake my head. _Enough Lily. You have your own problems._

With that in my mind, I slam my Potions book closed and start to gather up my things just as class ends. I stand up and reach for my book bag before I do, a long pale hand beats me to it. I look up and into the amber eyes of Remus Lupin. He smiles at me slightly, his eyes never straying from my face.

"Hello, Lily."

"Lupin." I mutter.

"I was just coming over here to ask how you're holding up."

My temper flares. "Why do you care?"

He shrugs his shoulder. "Somebody has to."

I swallow the lump that suddenly lodged itself into my throat. "Yes, well my parents died."

"I know, so how are you feeling?"

"Like my parents just died." I answer.

He places my book bag on his shoulder and places a hand on _my_ shoulder turning me towards the door. His hand drops quickly as we begin to walk in the corridors.

"I lost my dad too." He starts conversationally.

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. I had never understood what it meant when someone said they had lost a parent. They weren't a set of keys that could be found or an old book. They weren't lost, they were dead, completely gone. They could never be found again.

"I was much younger than you though, I was only four." He says, cutting through my thoughts.

I swallow again. "That's- I'm sorry."

He shrugs. "It gets easier, but I envy you, you know."

"Me?" I ask in complete shock. I was the smart and quiet Lily Evans. I had no friends and no parents, how could he envy _me_?

"You got the chance to know your dad. To be with him whenever you wanted. I didn't get to have that luxury." He hands me my book bag as we arrive at our next class. "So remember that when you're feeling sad. At least you got to have them before you lost them."

And then he walked away.

**XX**

As I walked through the hall ways, I wanted to do nothing more than to disappear into the walls especially when I saw a group of Slytherins walking my way.

Bellatrix stepped into my path. "Going somewhere?"

I stare deep into her dark eyes. "To my common room."

"Ah, The Gryffindor Common Room. Do you think you're brave, _mudblood?_" She taunts.

"I wouldn't be in that house if I wasn't."

"Do you think your parents were brave, when they died? Or do you think they cried like babies begging to be saved?"

The group of Slytherins at her side began to laugh. I briefly noted that Regulus Black was standing a little bit behind them.

My blood began to boil. I could feel my wand against my forearm just begging to be used.

"Who do you think was the last person they saw?" She asked, leaning in closer. "Who do you think killed them?"

I slipped my wand out my sleeve and before she could even blink I pushed her away from me and slashed my wand through the air.

A gash appeared on her left cheek. No one moved. She placed a hand to it, stunned and then pulled it away to stare at the blood dropping through her fingers.

"What is this?" She asked her eyes glaring at me. "How would a _mudblood_ like you know this spell?"

I find myself glancing quickly at Severus and then back to her.

"Using a bit of dark magic, Evans?"

My wand hand shook in anger.

"I should probably tell you." She starts. "That I know who killed them. I know him very well actually because he happens to be engaged to _me._"

_Rodulphus Lestrange._

With a cry of rage I slashed my wand through the air again, this time throwing her back a few feet knocking over the Slytherins that stood behind her. She quickly got to her feet and sent a jet of blue light at me. I flicked my wand, an invisible shield appearing before me, blocking it. The next blue light she sent my way hit me right in the chest. I did a complete 360 flip backwards and landed hard on my knees. I glanced up at her blowing the hair out of my face. I raised my wand from my spot on the floor, trying to ignore the flaring pain in my knees. My spell connected with her forehead and she too dropped to her knees, shaking madly.

"What what is this?" She stutters.

"Draining spell." I say as I get back up on my feet. I point my wand at her again. "_Stupefy._"

The red jet of light hit her squarely in the chest as she flew back slightly before crashing on the floor, unconscious.

And then suddenly six wands were pointed at my chest.

_Bugger._

I saw jets of blue lights coming at me heading directly for my chest. I didn't have enough time to shield them. I closed my eyes waiting. But they never came.

I blinked my eyes open and saw that Katarina was standing in front of me her wand raised from the shield charm she just completed.

"Now this doesn't look very fair to me, does it boys?" She asks the Slytherin Boys in front of her.

"What's it to do with you Meadows?" Snape asks her.

"You know Severus," She says twirling her wand between her fingers. "I thought our _discussion_ last night would have really gotten through to you." She shakes her head. "But I guess not."

And before I can even blink she's dueling, quickly twirling and slashing her wand through the air, sending and blocking spells from the five Slytherins, I noticed Regulus standing off to the side. She takes a hit to the arm, blood immediately staining her white shirt.

I step in, shooting off spells beside her. She glances at me quickly as she blocks another spell.

"Alright Evans?"

I nod my head.

And the next thing I know a very large, very strong shield charm thrust in between Katarina and I and the Slytherins. We all stumbled back.

"What in the bloody hell is going on here?" Potter demands. He turns to Katarina. "Kat, explain." He says through gritted teeth. "Now."

"Shut up James. I don't need to explain anything to you." She says crossing her arms across her chest.

"Daddy checking up on you Meadows?" Mulciber asks with a mocking smile. "Oh that's right, your _real _father died didn't he?"

"_Fuck you!_" She screams.

"Relax, Kitty Kat." Sirius' voice says from behind us, placing an arm on Katarina's shoulder. "It's just Mulciber, no one gives a fuck about him. Not even his own family."

Mulciber shoots a spell at Sirius but the shield charm was still in place. Sirius smiles.

"All of you-"

"What is going on here?" A loud voice explodes.

I glance up quickly and groan as McGonagall walks forward.

"And why is Miss Black unconscious?" She demands. "Someone better start talking."

"That Evans girl cursed Bellatrix." Avery says first.

"She provoked me, you slimy little-"

"Miss Evans!" McGonagall says cutting me off.

I clear my throat. "Sorry."

"So you and Miss Black dueled?"

I nod my head.

"Katarina, where do you come in, in all of this?" She stops and holds up a hand as Meadows begins to smile. "Never mind, I already know. You," She says towards the Slytherins "take Miss Black to the hospital wing and then go straight to your head of house, he will already be notified and ready to give out your punishment."

They nod and begin to walk off. Regulus looked over his shoulder, as he began levitating his cousin in mid-air. His eyes sought Katarina's and when he found them he gave her a sad smile. She slowly raised her fingers back in a light wave. And then the two Black Brothers locked eyes. Regulus broke eye contact first; he turned his back on his brother, like he did all those months ago, and walked away.

"As for you two." Professor McGonagall continues, looking towards us. "I am going to take away fifty points each for dueling in the corridors." She stops and takes a deep breath. "But then I am going to have to add on 25 points towards the boys who contacted me rather than getting involved."

I glanced behind and saw Remus and Peter. They winked.

"Miss Evans, Miss Meadows you will both receive a weeks detention. Have I made myself clear?"

We both nod our heads.

"Good, I'll be off."

And then she turned on her heel and stalked off. Right as she turned the corner Sirius turned to both of us and grinned.

"Alright which one of you really roughed up my cousin?"

"I'm assuming Evans." Katarina answered. "Seeing as she was already like that when I arrived."

"I didn't know you could duel Evans." Sirius said to me.

I shrugged my shoulders and pocketed my wand. "I picked a few things up over the years, now if you'll excuse me." I made to walk away but the pain in my knees flared up again and I collapsed to the floor.

Katarina fell beside me and gripped my arms. "Lily? What's wrong?"

I weakly push at her hands and try to stand up again but her grip was too tight.

"Sit." She orders. "Well, what's hurt?"

I don't say anything.

"Evans?" Remus asks from above me.

I sigh. "My Knees."

I slide out from under them and glare down at my knees. They were both split all the way open from landing on them so hard, big bruises surrounding it.

"Damn." Sirius breathes. "Did my cousin do that?"

I nod my head. "She hit me with a spell, not quite sure what it was, though I'd love to learn it."

"What happened?" He presses.

"Well it lifted me in the air and I flew back and did a complete back flip landing smack down on my knees."

They all cringe.

"It's really not as bad as it looks." I offer lamely.

"Yeah okay." Sirius says sarcastically. "Come on Evans, hospital wing for you." He reaches down and lifts me into his arms.

"What are you doing?" I ask completely panicked.

"Carrying you." He says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which if you think about it, it was. "You can't walk so…"

"Yeah, thanks."

He smiles down at me showing off his pearly white teeth. "Don't mention it, Evans. No big deal."

"What is that?" I hear someone roar loudly from my left.

"It's nothing James." Katarina says clearly annoyed.

"That is not nothing!" He yells. "The whole upper sleeve of your arm is covered in blood. When I find out which _fucking _arse did this to you I swear to Merlin I'll-"

"You'll what?" Katarina demands. "_You'll what?_" She asks louder.

"Oh Merlin." Sirius breathes from above me.

"What?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"Another of Kat and James' rows."

"Do they do this often?"

He shakes his head and gives sort of a half laugh. "Oh yeah. James has a terrible temper. Kat usually is the only one that can get him to stop. And when she can't, well-"

"They argue?" I supply.

"Exactly."

"I am not going to shut up!" I hear James yell, as I begin to listen to their argument once more. "I can't stand the fact that someone did that to you! Why do you always think that you don't need any help?"

"I can obviously take care of myself James! Do you think I'm not capable of taking care of myself?"

"I never fucking said that! Stop putting words in my mouth."

"And what the fuck am I supposed to think James? You sit there and act like you always have to come to my rescue! Haven't I burdened you enough already?"

"_What?"_ He exclaims, though this time not in anger, in disbelief.

I glance up at Sirius, his eyes were furrowed in confusion.

"I already had to live with you and take up room in your house. Your Mom had enough to deal with already let alone taking care of another kid. You always spent time with me and you had to watch over me just because your mother asked. It wasn't fair to you James! You were an only child and with me being around well- I just hate being a bloody nuisance, alright?"

I suddenly felt like I shouldn't be listening, Sirius must have thought so too because he turned his head away from his friends and looked down towards me.

"How could you ever think that?" James asked in the softest voice I had ever heard him use. "I _wanted _to spend time with you! You're my best mate! And you think I minded looking after you and taking care of you? I didn't do it because my Mother asked! I did it because I care about you! I hate seeing you hurt and upset, especially when I can't do anything. That's why I get so angry." James sighs.

Katarina clears her throat loudly. "Urm- thanks James."

He nods his head not surprised at all by her lack of emotion. "Of course."

"Well that wasn't what I expected." Sirius says as we began to walk again. "Sorry you had to witness that Evans."

I shrugged what I could of my shoulders seeing as I was still in Sirius' arms. "Not a big deal. People fight all the time."

The rest of the walk to the hospital wing was completely silent. You could probably hear pin drop with the lack of noise and that's probably what made it seem so loud to me. I almost wished someone would talk.

When we reached the double doors, James pulled them open for us and Sirius walked in calling over Madam Pomfrey.

"Oh dear!" She exclaims taking a look at my knees. "Sirius carry her over to the third bed on the left, best separate those two-" She says briefly looking at Bellatrix. "Yes…" She mumbles as she walks off, no doubt to go get the supplies she needs.

I shivered when Sirius placed me down on the bed, taking me out of the warmth of his arms.

"Well I hope you feel better Evans." Peter says speaking up for the first time.

I nod at the shy boy, grateful that he said something.

James nodded in my direction as he followed Peter out of the hospital wing.

Katarina smiled slightly. "Good dueling Evans, see you in detention later?"

"Yeah, see you."

She runs to catch up to James and I see her throw an arm around his shoulders and suddenly the tension that had him so stiff was released and he swung an arm around her waist.

"Evans?" A hand was waving in front of my face.

I glanced up. "Uh, sorry?"

Remus smiles. "It's okay. Just wanted to tell you I'll see you later and that I hope you feel better."

I nod my head.

"Coming Sirius?" Remus asks over his shoulder.

"Be there in a minute Moony." Sirius says waving Lupin off.

He nods and exits the room also.

"Black?" I ask as he begins to fidget nervously.

"There's something that I've wanted to say to you since fifth year." He stops again and begins to crack his knuckles.

"Go on." I press.

"Well I don't know if this will mean anything but," He sighs and looks into my eyes. "I'm sorry Snape called you a mudblood."

I was completely taken aback, I didn't expect him to ever say something like that. His eyes were sincere and he was waiting for me to say something.

"Why?" I ask not knowing what else to say.

"Because no matter how much I despise him, I know he meant something to you. And for someone you care about to go and say something like that well- I know how bad it must have hurt."

"Sirius." I say using his first name, placing my hand over top of his briefly. "Regulus doesn't hate you as much as you think he does."

He stiffens underneath my hand. "It doesn't matter now. We've both chosen different paths as have you and Severus."

I shrug. "I guess."

"Well later Evans, have fun in detention."

He begins walking away, right before he reaches the door I call out his name.

"Yeah?" He asks half glancing at me.

"Regulus may be her friend now but he's a Slytherin and probably a soon to be death eater." He didn't ask who I was speaking off because he already knew. "He'll do something to hurt her, whether it's unintentional or on purpose. Tell her to be careful, because he'll crush her."

He looked at me and I knew at that moment we were both thinking of Severus.

"Tell her to take it from me." I finish. "I would _know._"


	3. Order Member at Hogwarts

**Okay, so the plot finally begins! Sorry for the last two chapters they were an introduction of sorts. Anyway reviews would be much appreciated. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

**Please let me know what you think.**

**-smithchickx13.**

Chapter three- Order Member at Hogwarts.

My parents were cremated a few dates later, my sister didn't invite me to the ceremony. She wrote me a long letter explaining that I would no longer be welcomed in that house. That she and Vernon had decided to marry and that I would also not be welcomed there. I was to find my own place to live with the little amount of money that was left to me by my parents. She blamed me for my parents death, just as much as I had come to blame myself. And when another person blames you, well that makes it pretty final, doesn't it?

I never replied to the letter, because really? What could I have said? There was no way I was going to apologize because she wouldn't accept it if I did anyway. There was no point in writing back. If I knew my sister Petunia, I knew she would never change her mind. So I did the only thing that seemed fitting.

"_Incendio_." I mutter, glaring at the piece of parchment that had caught fire. I quickly threw it into the fire, only after it started to burn the tips of my fingers. I glanced down at my fingers already bloody from the skin I had picked around my nails, so a few burns didn't matter very much anyway. I pushed my hands into my pockets, no longer feeling like staring at the ugly mess of my hands.

I stared at the fire for a few moments, watching the piece of parchment burn to ashes.

_I hate you, I hate you because of what you did to our parents. You disgusting freak._

The words rang through my head over and over again as my eyes got lost in the flames.

_Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak._

"-Evans?"

I glanced up and saw Remus, only then realizing that I been mumbling the word Freak aloud.

"Oh, Hi Lupin." I say quickly recovering. "What are you doing up so late?"

He smiles nervously. "Er-"

I glance over his shoulder and see the rest of the boys and Katarina. She was a step closer than the other boys, her face twisted into a hesitant smile.

My own lips twitched in return, still grateful that she had come to my rescue with the Slytherins a few days prior.

"Oh, I see." I say, looking back towards Remus. "Well go on, don't let me stop you."

"Oh right-" He says quickly. "Later Evans."

I nod my head and watch until the common room door slams shut.

"Lily!"

I whip my head into the direction of the fire, where the head of Dorcas Meadows sat.

"Merlin, I thought they'd never leave." She continues on. "Was that my little sister I saw?"

"Oh yeah, her and the boys are most likely sneaking out of the castle again." I tell her leaning down, to get closer to the flames.

Dorcas chuckles. "Of course she is, stupid girl. Anyway, the reason I am here is not to discuss my sister, but to ask if Albus has returned to Hogwarts."

"I haven't seen him since the meeting in the office. I can go check right now."

"I think that will be for the best." She agrees.

"Are you at the Order?"

"Yes."

"I'll get back to you then."

And with a quick nod of her head, she was gone.

I got up quickly from where I was kneeling on the floor and headed towards the common room door. I quietly slipped out of it and ran along the shadows of the walls, hoping not to get caught by Mr. Filch. It took me a little less than ten minutes to finally reach his office. I bent over slightly, to catch my breath and muttered, "Cockroach Cluster." To the gargoyles.

They sprang open, revealing a staircase, which I ran up. I knocked once on the door, before entering. The office was dark, the Headmaster missing from his chair. It was still just as untouched as the day I had last been up here.

_He's still not here._

Fawkes wasn't there either, which could mean that Albus had called him and was in some sort of trouble. I walked over to the fire place, grabbed some floo powder and stuck my head in the green flames.

"The Order of the Phoenix!" I shouted. And soon enough my head was transported right into the fire place at head quarters.

I spotted Mad-eye sitting a little off to the side.

"Mad-eye!" I shouted.

He sat up right and turned to me in flames. "Evans! What are you doing in the fire place?"

I glared as I stepped my body all the way through, leaving Hogwarts behind.

"Dorcas, flooed me a bit ago."

"Did she now?"

I nodded my head firmly.

"Yes well-"

"Hello Lily!" The twins screamed in unison, bright smiles on their faces. "Weren't expecting you." Fabian said with Gideon finishing, "Otherwise we would have worn our best robes."

"Enough you two!" Moody barks. "Evans, what's going on why did-"

"I called on her to ask if Albus has returned yet." Dorcas answers as she steps back into the room.

"And?" Moody asks, expectantly.

"He's hasn't. His office is still completely untouched. Though I'm not sure if this means anything or not, but Fawkes isn't there."

Dorcas raises and eye brow and the twins stop laughing somewhere behind her.

"Well it could mean something." She announces in the silence. "Or it couldn't mean anything at all."

"What couldn't mean something?" Benjy Fenwick asks, as he pushes past the twins to stand at Dorcas' side. "Oh Hello Lily." He says pleasantly, noticing me for the first time.

"Fawkes is missing from Hogwarts." I inform him.

"Ah." He says rubbing a hair through his blonde hair. "Should we call on the rest of the order? Albus' return date was yesterday."

Moody nods his head. "Call them."

**XX**

In less than five minutes the whole order was in the dining room all in their respectable spots at the table. Instead of Albus at the head like he normally would be, Moody took his place.

"What is this about Alastor?" Harry Potter asks Moody.

"Albus hasn't yet returned to Hogwarts." He answers evenly, looking around the table.

"Well maybe he got held up." Edgar Bones says, before Moody can say anything else. "His return date _was _only yesterday."

"You think we should wait to search for him?" Emily Potter demands, her voice shaking slightly. "What if something has happened?"

"Emily calm down." Harry says placing a hand on his wife's shoulder.

She shakes it off. "No, Harry. I won't calm down. How could he-"

"I was merely suggesting, Emily." Edgar says softly. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just this is how it goes. You know this as well as I do. We _will _look for him, but it is a possibility he may already be on his way back. We need to look at all the options."

Emily nods her head and folds her shaking hands on the table in front of her. She meets my eyes with a slight smile. I smile back, though slightly worried about the paleness of her skin.

"Well what say we do?" Dorcas asks, looking around.

"Give him til tomorrow evening, and then we go look for him." Caradoc Dearborn, says speaking up for the first time.

"Everyone in agreement?" Moody asks.

We all nod.

"Alright good." His eyes lock on mine. "Evans!"

I jump slightly. "Sir?"

He smiles. "No need for sir, you're not in trouble. Tomorrow, if Albus has not returned, you will floo directly here and call on the order. Understood?"

"Yes."

"Okay, everyone good night!" And with a crack he's gone.

Slowly everyone gets up from the table, some lingering to talk, other's apparating directly.

"Nice pajamas, Lily." I look up and smile at Benjy, now just noticing the fact that I was in green pajama pants and a skimpy tank top.

"Merlin." I mutter with a shake of my head. "Hadn't noticed."

"It's alright. I was just wondering, how are you adjusting?"

I stare at him for a brief moment before asking. "What member asked you to do this?"

"Emily Potter. She's worried about you." He stops and smiles. "And Dorcas might have asked as well."

I clear my throat. "I'm adjusting fine, thanks."

"Lily you lost your parents you-"

"They're not lost!" I snap, everyone stopping mid conversation to stare at us. "I wish everyone would stop saying that! They're dead, gone! Lost implies that you can find them, but you can't because they are _dead_. Not coming back, understand?"

"Lily I-I didn't mean to upset you." He stutters.

"I'm not upset." I say stubbornly. "I was just correcting you, is all."

"Er- right."

I shake my head and begin walking towards the fire place.

"Lily, wait!" A warm feminine hand grabs my arm.

I turn around and glance into the hazel eyes of Emily.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get upset like that. Otherwise I would have asked you myself. I just thought Benjy was the best choice. He is the biggest sweetheart you know."

"I know." I agreed, because I did know. I remember him from Hogwarts before he graduated last year. One of the most popular kids from the Hufflepuff house.

"It was between him and Frank, and no one can resist _his_ dimpled smile."

I laugh despite myself.

"I'm just worried about you. I know what it's like to have your parents die." She tells me. "Most people here do. So you can talk to any of us anytime."

I nod my head. "Thanks."

"I'm curious though." She says stopping me again. "Would you have joined if your parents hadn't died and your sister hadn't abandoned you?"

"How did you-"

"You really should learn how to block people from your mind, dear." It wasn't an apology and it didn't matter because I wasn't mad.

"Yes." I tell her, answering her question. "Maybe not as soon." I add. "But eventually I would have."

"Well from what I hear you are a very talented witch. And I'm glad you're here, you make a great addition to the order. It's nice to have someone inside of Hogwarts."

"Your son he won't-"

"I would never allow it. Not yet anyway." She adds on quickly. "I had a tad bit of a fit about you joining, but Albus over powered me."

"Yes well, he was mad that I asked him at first, but I'm pretty persuasive when I put my mind to it."

She smiles. "I bet you are."

"Bye, Mrs. Potter-"

"It's Emily dear, and remember you can come talk to me anytime."

I smile and squeeze her hand once. "Thanks, really."

I step into the green flames. "Hogwarts, Gryffindor Common room!"

I got once last glimpse of Emily's face before I spun away.

**XX**

I shook my head and coughed once as I stepped out of the fire place. I opened my eyes and sighed as I look at all the dirt covering my white tank top.

_Now I remember why I hate flooing._

I point my wand at myself muttering, "Scourify!" And glance down victoriously at my now clean white top.

"Evans?" I hear someone ask in shock.

I jump back slightly and look up from my shirt. Potter, Pettigrew, Meadows, Black, and Lupin all stared back at me, their eye brows raised in shock.

"What the hell- how did you-" Black stutters.

"The Gryffindor Common room is open to the floo network, Black." I tell him stiffly. "You can find that in _Hogwarts, A History_."

"Right well you do realize its two o'clock in the morning right?" He asks. "What were you doing?"

I cough slightly. "None of your business."

"Why you stuck up bit-" Potter starts only to be cut off by Katarina.

"James! Shut your mouth!" She cries. "It is none of our business." She turns to me. "And I'm sorry Mr. Nosy asked."

"Hey!" Black yells in mock anger. "I am not nosy!"

"Yes, you are mate." Remus says backing up Meadows.

"Whatever." Potter mutters. "_Bye Evans_." He says, basically telling me to leave.

"James." Remus warns.

"No it's okay." I inform Remus. "I don't particularly want to be here anyway."

And without so much as a good bye, I'm walking up to the girl's dormitory.

As I laid down and closed my eyes, I could help but wonder how it was that Emily Potter and James Potter were even related.

**XX**

I stood in front of the mirror in my dorm room and stared at myself. My green eyes were bright, excited for the first time since my parents were murdered. Despite the fact that Dumbledore was still missing, it was the mission for him that had me feel alive again. I was dressed in black, completely. Black skinny jeans and a tight long sleeved black shirt, my wand stuck to my forearm by two black bands so that I could easily slip it into my hand. My long red hair was pulled back into two French braids so my hair wouldn't get into my face and blind me.

With a deep sigh, I turned away from the mirror and walked down stairs into the common room. It was mostly empty seeing as everyone was at dinner, not that anyone would have noticed me walking by in the first place. I hurriedly made my way out of the common room and turned to make my way to Dumbledore's office.

I hoped I wouldn't meet any distractions on the way but of course, luck wasn't on my side. Severus stepped into my path right as I passed the corridor by the Great Hall.

"Lily, I need to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say to you." I tried stepping around him. He stepped in front of me again. "Get out of my way Snivellous!"

He flinched as if I had slapped him. I wished I had.

"Lily please, you don't understand. I never said _anything_."

I groan. _I don't have time for this._ I raised my wand and pointed it at him, mumbling under my breath. He flew back against the wall and I knew he would be there until someone figured out how to get him down.

_Good luck, you stupid git!_

I ran past him to the Headmaster's office. I said the password and ran upstairs. Still no headmaster.

With a shake of my head, I threw the floo powder in the fire place and step into the green flames. "Order of the Phoenix!"

And with a whirl, I was flying. I stumbled out of the fire place at the order and walked directly over to the list.

The list had the names of all the order members, it was a binding contract, once you signed it there was no going back. It also served as sort of a calling system. Once you point your wand at the list and use your patronus, the message will travel to every order member on the list.

I slipped my wand out into my hand and pointed it at the list. "_Expecto Patronum!_" A slivery doe slid in front of me.

"The meeting's on." I whispered in its ear and then it was off.

By the time I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of firewhiskey, the house was filled with people.

"Ooh, I think I'll have one of those." Dorcas muttered as she walked down the stairs. She summoned another glass and bottle, taking back a long swig of it, before pouring it in the glass.

The soft burn in my throat warmed my whole body. It was just what I needed.

Moody was the last one to enter. He took Dumbledore's place as head again.

"Well?"

I swished the liquid around in the glass. "He's still not back. I say we search."

"Well said, Evans!" The twins said in unison.

Moody rolls his eyes. "Fine, we'll split up. Evans, you're with myself and Dorcas. Emily you're with the twins." They grin at her and mutter, "Excellent." She smiles back. "Harry you're with Fenwick and Frank. Alice and Caradoc…" I tune him out as he lifts off the rest of the names.

I nod towards Dorcas, we tilt out glasses together and shoot back the rest of the firewhiskey.

"You ready?" She asks with a smile. "This is your first time, you may be nervous…"

I shake my head and smile my first real smile and say, "Of course I'm ready, Dorcas. I was _born _ready."


	4. A Sirius Fight

**Sorry everyone! Last time I went to upload it kept telling me that there was some sort of error and then before I could check again I was on vacation to Italy and I just got back. Anyways here's the update, reviews would be nice. Thanks!**

Chapter four- A "Sirius" Fight

**-Katarina's POV-**

I glance around the Great Hall and frown.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asks glancing at me over his pumpkin juice.

"Nothing." I mutter.

_It's just that Lily is missing, and Severus, and Regulus._

"You sure, mate?" Remus asks, tugging a lock of my hair.

"Yeah, can we get out of here?"

All four boys locked taken aback.

"Well sure, if you really want to." James says glancing at the other boys.

I quickly rise from the table, the boys following me. I notice Tom smiling at me from the Ravenclaw table, I smile back and continue on. As we step outside the Great Hall, I glance down the hall way and see Regulus and Severus, except something was wrong. It looked like he was almost stuck to the wall. I nod to the boys and we begin walking towards them.

"What happened Reg?" I ask nodding towards Severus.

I hear Sirius mutter something under his breath.

"It was that Evans girl." He says ignoring his brother. "I guess Severus was trying to talk to her and well she bound him to this wall."

"Well maybe you shouldn't have tried talking to her, after all the trouble you've caused." I say, glaring at Severus.

"Maybe you deserved it." Remus says, saying what I hadn't, though it was implied.

"I didn't do _anything._" Snape growls. "You stupid _Gryffindors _and your damn pride! None of you are listening to me! I never said-"

"Calling us Gryffindors like it's a bad thing, isn't really going to help your case, is it Snivelly?" Peter asks with a smile.

I sling an arm around his shoulder. "To right you are, Pete."

James who hadn't said anything yet just continued to glare at Snape.

"Why aren't you helping him down, _little brother_?" Sirius sneered towards Regulus. "Isn't he your friend?"

"Not particularly." Regulus says nonchalantly. "And besides, I've tried everything and I can't break the spell."

Sirius actually looked surprised. "Not even _finite?_"

Reg nods.

"What the hell?" I say with a shake of my head. "Well did you hear what she said Snape?"

"Obviously not. She mumbled it under her breath."

"Why I'm trying to help you, I don't know." I admit. "So if you could stop being a smart arse, it would be greatly appreciated."

"Whatever."

James grabs his wand and points it at Snape's throat. "You are in no position to argue. So are you going to do what she says or am I going to have to _make you_?"

I lay a hand carefully on his shoulder. He tenses for a second. Regulus stares on curiously. "Hey, ease up James. Evans already did a number on him. Check out his wrists and ankles- oh shit and his _neck._"

Around those said body parts, were bright red as if they were burnt, some were even trickling blood.

"Damn, she's bloody brilliant." Sirius says with a grin. "I need her to teach me that spell!"

"Not the time Pads." Remus says leaning forward slightly to look at Snape's wrist. "What does it feel like?" He asks Snape.

"It's sort of burning."

"Sort of?"

"Okay it really burns, it feels like there's invisible rope on me and it's on fire."

I exchange a glance with Regulus.

"Severus, don't move."

He glares at me.

"Heh, yeah. Forgot, my bad." I say suddenly remembering that he couldn't move even if he had wanted to. "_Aquamenti Maxima!"_

Water flowed from the tip of my wand spraying Snape's whole body. He dropped to the floor and suddenly the ropes that held him were visible and were emitting smoke as if a fire was just put out. Just as I suspected.

"How did you-" Snape starts. "How did you do that?"

"None of your business Snape. Just be lucky I saved you." And for good measure, I pointed my wand at Snape's head and antlers started sprouting. He reached his hands up and felt the antlers. He glared and grabbed his wand pointing it at my head.

"Now, Severus." Regulus says, stepping between us, his arms extended at his sides. "I don't think that would be a very good idea."

Sirius and James exchange a look.

"I hate to say it, but if you hex her I may just be fighting alongside those Gryffindors behind me. So please refrain from doing that, yeah?"

"Whatever."

"Atta boy." Reg says and helps Snape to his feet. "Well off to the hospital wing with you, I think." He starts leading him in the opposite direction but turns back to smile at me. "Bye Kitty Kat, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye Reggie!" I call towards him.

He gives me one more smile before turning back around.

"So." Sirius begins. "Regulus is a bit protective of you, huh? He'd go as far to hex a slytherin for you."

"No shit." I snap. "I told you Regulus was my friend. He would never hurt me."

Something passes over Sirius face and he opens his mouth but quickly closes it.

"What's wrong?" I ask nervously.

He doesn't answer.

"Sirius?" I place a hand on his cheek.

He looks at me and smiles. "Nothing, love." He removes my hand from his cheek and slings an arm around my shoulder as we all head towards the common room.

"So how is it that you knew what to do, to reverse the spell?" James asks.

"My uh-" I stop. "My parents mentioned it a few times. It's an old spell. Hardly ever used. I wonder how Evans knew about it."

"She reads a lot, I guess." Moony answers. "Most likely came across it in her reading."

I shake my head. "Maybe, but it's doubtful unless she was reading in the restricted section."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well," I start hesitantly. "Everyone used it at one point, until it was banned like 100 years ago or something. My parents used to come across it from dark wizards. I mean it's not exactly dark magic, because some aurors use it, but it's not a very good spell is it?"

They all glance at me.

"Well I mean it burns people's skin. It's invisible rope on fire….."

"Do you know the incantation?" Remus presses.

"_Ceruchus incendium._" I mutter.

"What?"

"_Ceruchus incendium._" I say louder. "It means rope fire."

"Do you know a lot of spells like that? From your parents?" Sirius asks softly.

I stiffened.

It wasn't often that I talked about my parents. In fact I _never _talked about my parents. It wasn't because I didn't love them. I did, more than anything else in the world. It's just well they weren't your average parents. They were extremely active against Voldemort, they studied all types of spells whether it be dark or not. They were the type of people that wanted to fight death eaters by whatever means necessary.

"They knew a lot of things and I do too." And that was all I would say.

They all seemed to understand that, especially James, because he quickly changed the subject. They all began to prattle on about something, completely uninteresting. I ignored them, walking silently back to the common room. Before we walked in the door Sirius held me back.

"Kitty Kat?"

I glance up at his face. "Hmm?"

"It's okay to know the dark arts." He tells me seriously. "I know them too."

_Of course._ It's funny how sometimes I seem to forget that Sirius is a _Black._

I smile and lean forward to kiss his cheek. "I know, love."

Instead of putting an arm around my shoulder he grabs my hand as we walk through the portrait.

"But what I'm curious to know is how a muggle-born like Lily Evans, would know them."

_Don't we all?_ I thought. _Don't we all?_

**XX**

I barely laid down on James' bed before some girl began to scream my name and knock obnoxiously on the door. I placed my arm over my eyes and groaned. James slid off the bed and walked over to the door.

"Speak."

"There is a boy down here asking for Katarina."

"Who?" James demands.

"Tom Davies."

"She'll be right down." He says to the young girl before slamming the door shut. "You know," James begins taking my arm off my eyes. I stare up at him. "Sometimes I forget you have a boyfriend."

"He's been around for 5 months." I remind him. "How could you-"

"Six." Sirius corrects from his bed.

I sit up and stare at him. "What?"

"Six months. You've been together six months."

"Technicalities." I say with a wave of my hand.

"That's pretty serious." Peter says. "Six months? Merlin, I forgot you had a boyfriend too."

"It's not serious Pete." I tell him quickly. "All though he says he loves me."

"He _what?"_ James demands.

"He says he loves me." I shrug my shoulders.

"So you say it's not serious but he _loves you_?" Sirius asks his eyes narrowed on my face. "And what do you say when he tells you that?"

"Well, I say it back I guess."

"_What?"_

I glance around at all the shocked faces. They just wouldn't understand.

"How exactly do you love him?" Sirius asks. "You cheat on him all the time!"

"It's not _all _the time." I defend. "And besides, he cheats on me too!"

Sirius looks outraged. "He cheats on you too…What the fuck is the matter with you?"

"Nothing." I tell him. "There is nothing the matter with me!"

"I'm just not understanding. Both you of you say you love each other but you do things with other people?"

"You just wouldn't understand, Sirius." I tell him.

"You're right!" He explodes. "I wouldn't fucking understand!"

"He treats me good, he loves me. He puts up with my shit, what more do you want me to say?"

"He puts up with your shit…"

"Yes!" I yell.

"You are so fucking dim, Katarina!" He yells back.

"Guys maybe you should-"

"Shut up Remus!" We both snap in unison.

"You think _I'm _dim!" I ask. "What about you, you haven't had a serious relationship in your whole entire life! You slept your way through all the girls in Hogwarts!"

"I didn't sleep with you!"

"You act like you don't want too!"

"And why the fuck would I want to do that? You conceited arse!" He says, his hands balled up into fists at his sides.

"Well you kissed me, so I'm not that far off, Sirius!"

"You kissed me back!"

"Guys-"

"Shut up James!" We yell again.

"Yeah so maybe I did, so what? We kissed and then it was over. There's nothing more to it. Besides you were _drunk!_"

"I was hardly drunk." He mumbles.

"You were absolutely wasted!" I correct. "You were out of your mind. We both know that had you not been drunk we wouldn't have kissed."

"Who's to say?"

I opened my mouth and then closed it quickly. I had absolutely no idea what to say. How did a conversation about me loving my boyfriend turn into this?

"This conversation is getting us nowhere. I'm going down stairs to see my boyfriend. I'll be back later."

No one said anything as I stepped through the door, though I did see James get up to follow me. He grabbed my elbow when I was about halfway down the stairs.

"James, I don't want to talk about the kiss!" I hiss.

"It's not about the kiss." He informs me. "It's about Davies."

"Okay…?"

"You never told me he cheated on you."

"It was only a few times." I shake my head. "You don't understand James."

"So help me understand." He says grasping my hand tightly.

"I care about him a lot James. I really do. And okay so maybe I don't love him in the whole boyfriend/girlfriend way but I do love him. He cares about me in a way all of you don't."

"What I don't-"

"Who else is going to put up with me being surrounded by four boys all the time, well five if you count Regulus but-"

"We're your best mates it shouldn't matter that-"

"To every other boyfriend I've had, it mattered James. And to Tom it doesn't. He doesn't care that I sleep in your dorm all the time or that I hang out with you guys more than I hang out with him. We fit together, don't you see?"

"I guess…" He mutters. "I do understand but it doesn't mean I like it."

I hug him. "Oh James, I don't think you've ever liked it when I had a boyfriend. I didn't think it would change this time."

"Yeah well…"

"Like I said before, no one else is going to put up with my shit like he will."

"I know someone that would." James says pointedly.

I pushed him away from me slightly. "You know he wouldn't James. He loves his freedom way too much."

"Sirius wouldn't-"

"James, enough." I say cutting him off. "I'm going to go see Tom, now alright?"

He nods his head and kisses me on the forehead. I wait until he shuts the door before I walk down the rest of the stairs and right into Tom's arm. He squeezes me tightly.

"Are you okay?"

I shake my head against his chest.

"What happened?"

"I had a fight with Sirius." I mumble.

He pulls me slightly away from him before leading me out of the common room. We end up in the astronomy tower.

"Okay," he says placing me in his lap. "What was this fight about?"

"You." I say simply.

"Ah, I should have guessed." He says with a smile. "Black never did like me much."

"Yeah well, whatever I don't care."

"Come on Kat. He's your best mate."

"I don't want to talk anymore." And then I lean forward and kiss him.

He wraps his arms around me pulling me as tightly against his body as I could go.

Sirius' head pops into my mind, I push it away and kiss him harder.

"Take off your clothes." Tom whispers pulling away only slightly his lips brushed mine with each word he spoke.

I grinned and quickly started pulling off my clothes.

_He didn't have to ask me twice._

**XX**

I was back in the dorm room by two. After we had sex, I had fallen asleep to the sound of his voice whispering in my ear. It was nice to have someone to comfort you sometimes. Actually it was nice to have someone treat you like a girl. I think James and them sometimes forget I am. Then again, I didn't like being comforted all the time which is why Tom and I only shared moments like that when I allowed it, which wasn't often.

I slid into Remus' bed, not wanting to wake James seeing as he gets pissed when I do. Remus stirred slightly and sat up.

"Kat?" He blinked, his voice groggy. "Are you just now getting in?"

I nod my head.

"What time is it?" He asks rubbing his hand over his face.

"Around two." I murmur.

He falls back on the bed, moving his pillow over slightly to share it with me. "Go to bed." He orders.

I laugh slightly. "Night, Rem."

He doesn't answer.

I had only just closed my eyes before the knocking started at the door.

"What the fuck!" Sirius yells as we all jump up in bed. He glares at me. "I swear if this is your boyfriend coming to get you again I'm going to kick his arse!"

"No Mr. Black, I am not Katarina's boyfriend however I am coming to get her." Dumbledore's voice spoke from the other side of the room.

We all exchange glances.

He pushes open the door after a few second of no one moving. He flicks his wand and the room lights up.

"Sir, how did you know that I slept-"

He doesn't answer, he only smiles.

"Am I in trouble I mean-"

"After tonight, I will suddenly have memory loss and forget that I ever saw you in here."

I smile at him and step out of Remus' bed. "Thank you sir."

"For what?" And then he winks. "I am here to collect you Katarina. We have to talk."

"It's two in the morning." James says speaking up in the silence. "What do you have to talk to her about?"

"I'm afraid, James, that this is a private matter."

I glance into the eyes of the headmaster. Something was wrong. He was smiling but his blue eyes, they weren't shining.

"Are you ready dear?" He says glancing at me.

"Yes, sir." I say beginning to follow him out the door.

"Sorry for waking you all up, G'night boys."

And then we were walking out of the room. He took me over to the fire place in the Gryffindor common room.

"Sir?"

He looked distracted.

"Sir?" I ask again.

He looks at me and recognition flashes across his features. "Your presence has been required." He says sadly looking over my face.

"Where and by whom?"

He doesn't say where, but he looks at me and mutters the name of my sister.

"Dorcas? What could she possibly want know?"

"You'll have to see."

He throws floo powder into the flames. They turn a shocking shade of green.

"Step into the fire place and say "Order of the Phoenix."

My eyes snap up to his. "But I thought that was just a myth? It's _real?_"

"All in due time, Miss Meadows. Go on."

I step into the green flames. "Order of the Phoenix!" I call and then with one last glance of the Gryffindor common room, I was gone.


	5. The Lies Begin

**I'll be going on another vacation in a weeks time so this may be my last post until two Fridays from now. Hope you enjoy this chapters, reviews are welcome .**

Chapter five- The Lies Begin.

-**Lily's POV-**

Katarina stepped out of the fire place first. Despite the fact that it was two in the morning and that she just stepped out of a fireplace she still looked beautiful. Her black hair, though sticking up slightly in the back still looked shiny and smooth and surprisingly she had no ash on her body from the fire. I envied her in that moment, wondering how she managed to look so effortlessly beautiful. It just wasn't fair.

Her eyes scanned the room, searching the faces of each order member. She landed on her sister next. I watched as her eyes went from confused, to recognition, to anger. Her emerald green eyes blazed and looking between both sisters it was hard to tell that they were related. They couldn't have been more different. Dorcas with her hazel eyes and light brown hair, had a down played beauty while Katarina's features were striking.

"_You!" _Her eyes narrowed on her sister, she took a step forward.

Dumbledore stepped out of the fire place. "Katarina."

She shook of his arm. "How dare you summon me at two o'clock in the morning! We haven't spoke in seven years, what could you possibly want _now?"_

"There was a reason we haven't spoken in seven years." Dorcas says, taking a step closer.

Katarina pulled her wand, seemingly out of nowhere and had it pointed at her sister's neck in seconds. Dorcas holds her hands up.

"Don't move any closer."

"Katarina, you're being stubborn. Just listen to me." Dorcas snaps.

That didn't help Meadows' anger. "Listen to you? Why the hell would I want to listen to you? What have you done for me? You left me!" She screamed, desperation in her voice. "You left me alone after our parents were murdered right in front of our eyes!"

Her voice was a child's calling for help. My heart clenched.

"Dorcas, maybe this wasn't such a-"

"Don't Emily." Dorcas snaps. "She's my sister."

"Don't you fucking talk to her like that!" Katarina yells. "That's my mother you're talking to."

My eyes went to Emily's in shock. _Mother?_

Dorcas' eyes blaze. "Your mother is dead, don't you forget that."

"Fuck you!"

No one spoke.

"You think I don't know that?" Katarina continues on. "I have to live with that nightmare every single day, but the Potter's, they were there when you weren't. They took me in and treated me more like a family than you ever did. All you were worried about what learning how to fight Voldemort. You didn't give a damn about me!"

"That's not true! All the stuff I did was for you, don't you see Kat? Voldemort has been after you since you were a baby!"

The last cry of Dorcas' words, rang throughout the room stopping everyone in their tracks.

"Dorcas." Harry warns.

"No, she needs to know this!" She yells back. "You and I, we're the product of two of the best wizard and witch of the age. We know stuff that most witches only dream of knowing. We _know them. _AndHe's always wanted us. I had to protect you. So when our parents died, I left. I moved in here and became a member of the order. I couldn't be near you. I was too far in already, I couldn't take care of you. You were an eleven year old girl who just lost both of her parents. What could I have done?"

Katarina looked at her for a long time, looking over every inch of her face. "Stayed." She all but whispered. "You should have stayed."

"I couldn't!" Dorcas said loudly. "How many times do I have to tell you, it was too dangerous! They would have been after you in a second."

"I don't need your protection. I'm a better witch than you are any day of the week. I'm fine on my own. I always have been. And yeah okay, maybe I see where you were coming from when I was younger but what about when I turned fourteen or fifteen? You just didn't have the balls to see me because you know I looked too much like Mum. Hell, you probably can't even look in the mirror, can you?" She taunted.

"Is it a fight you're looking for?" Dorcas asked, pulling out her own wand. "If that's what will make you feel better, let's go!"

Katarina twirls her wand between her fingers. "A fight is _exactly _what I'm looking for."

I glance at Albus, wondering if he was going to stop it, but he just stared on. I looked around at all the order members, none of them speaking up. Maybe they were scared. If what Dorcas was saying is true, then maybe they are stronger and more powerful than most of us here. Is that why they wanted Katarina too?

They stared each other down, then simultaneously, "_Stupefy_!"

The jet of red light collided in mid air, sending them both back a step.

Dorcas called out again, but Katarina, with a flick of her wand deflected it.

"You going easy on me sister?" Katarina says, laughing as she twirls her wand in a way I had never seen before. "Because I don't plan to go easy on _you_." And with a jet of purple light Dorcas is thrown back into the wall. She stood up quickly, I noticed blood on the wall where her head had been.

"I hear all about you and your little friends in school. You _always _play dirty, maybe you should have been in Slytherin!"

I didn't know Katarina very well but one thing I did know was that, what Dorcas just said would be considered the biggest insult to her. And I was right, for she let out a string of curse words and shot a blue light at her sister, only for it to be deflected.

The fight lasted for another five minutes. It ended with Katarina flying backwards and into the china cabinet, glass sticking out all over her skin.

She looked up at her sister, so much hatred in her eyes. "I hate you." She said, and you could hear in her voice that she really meant. And that simple statement made Dorcas take a step back. Her own green eyes widened in shock.

"I- I didn't know you really felt that way." She mumbled.

Katarina shakily got to her feet. "Well I do." The she spat out blood on the floor.

I looked around the room, there was various different burn holes in the walls, the chandelier was broken over head and glass was everywhere. Dumbledore looked around and sighed. With a wave of his wand the room was repaired and back in order.

"Oww." Katarina mumbled, rubbing at her lip.

I handed her a glass of fire whiskey. "Thanks Evans," She raised the glass to her mouth and then stopped and looked at me. "_Evans?_"

"Oh, hey."

"What are you doing here?" She asks, her eyes trained on me.

"Well I'm a member, so uh, Welcome to the order of the Phoenix!"

**-Katarina's POV-**

"You're a member?"

Lily nods at me, a half smile gracing her lips. Which brought my attention to the split in her lip, covered in dry blood. I opened my mouth but stopped as I saw blood on various different parts of her face.

Why hadn't I noticed that before? I turn to the rest of the order seeing their own various injuries.

"What the hell happened here?"

I looked to Dumbledore. He stared back at me for a moment. "I was in a tight spot." He says finally. "Lily and the other helped me out."

"Against?"

"I know you aren't dim Katarina." Alastor Moody says to me.

"Hello Alastor." I say nodding my head in his direction. "And no I'm not dim. I'd just rather hear someone else confirm it."

"Death eaters." Dumbledore says.

I nod my head.

"And I'm called here because?" I press.

"They want you to join." Lily tells me, as she begins picking pieces of glass out of my skin.

"Thanks." I say to her before looking back at Dumbledore. "You want me to join?"

"I wanted to wait until you graduated but your sister seems to think it's a good idea."

I glance at her and a surge of hatred fills me. "What's different now?"

"Lily's in the order and I happen to care about her well being very much. I don't want her alone with the soon to be death eaters in the castle. They all know about her now, she needs help."

"How nice, you care about Evans. What's it going to take for you to care about your own sister?"

"Enough, Katarina." Dumbledore orders.

I shrug my shoulders. "Well what do I have to do?"

"NO!" Emily screams. "Absolutely not, I won't have it."

"That's not your place to decide Emily." Dorcas tells her. "She's my sister, my blood, and I say she should have her own choice."

"How dare you say that I have no place to decide?" Emily says, standing up her hands shaking at her sides. "She is my daughter, my only daughter and I should have a say in what she does."

"She is _not _your daughter Emily."

"Yes she is. I raised her for half of her life. I lied awake with her for _nights _after the accident. I tucked her into bed every night, helped her with her homework, I listened to her when she was ready to talk, I held her hand when she had dragon pox when she was twelve. I mended all her broken bones and I never missed a quidditch game of her or James. I punished her and taught her how to behave properly. I am half of the reason she turned out the way she is today, a beautiful, intelligent girl. Don't you _dare _tell me that she is not my daughter."

Dorcas just stared at her. Lily tugged on a particularly large piece of glass. I cringed, but not from the pain, but from the truth being laid out there on the table for everyone to see. All the things I've hidden from people were right there in the open. But I still couldn't help but feel grateful towards Emily, my mother, in the most obvious way.

"It is still her decision."

"Did you forget that we adopted her?" Harry says, finally speaking up. "Do you not remember that? You left her, Dorcas. I don't think you hold very much say in her life now."

I smiled at Lily in thanks, now that all the glass shards were removed and stood up, walking over to Harry and Emily. Harry took my hand.

"I haven't been a Meadows in a long time now." I tell Dorcas. "I'm a Potter, these are my parents."

"So you'll just forget about your real parents."

"Never." I snap. "How can you think that about me? I loved them the way every child loves their parents. But I was only eleven when they died, I was young. And they never treated me like a daughter. I was a prodigy in training and you know it. They raised me to be strong, they didn't raise me to love or to be happy. Harry and Emily did. But you are right about one thing, Dorcas. It is _my _decision." I turn to my parents. "I love you both, but this is something I want to do."

"You grew up so fast, you just moved out over the summer and now you want to join the Order. Can't you wait a bit longer? Let me hold onto the little girl with her pigtails." Harry asked, squeezing my hand tighter.

I take a deep breath. "I want to join."

Emily hugged me tightly to her body. "I love you baby girl."

"Love you too mum." I said as I hugged her back tightly, my anger finally dissolving into tears that I would not let show.

I hear someone behind me, Gideon, strike up a different conversation so that the attention would be off of me. I was grateful.

"Why are you crying baby?"

"Just- today wasn't a good day. I got in a fight with Sirius, and then seeing Dorcas. It just- today sucked."

She stroked my hair. "What did you and Sirius fight about?"

"He was being a prick, like usual."

Harry laughed. "Sirius is always like that love. Don't let him bother you. And as for your sister, well you'll be seeing her a lot more now so you better get used to it."

I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes and turn around to mock glare at him. "Thanks a lot."

"Anytime." He grins, a grin so much like James.

"I can't tell them, can I?"

She already knew who I was talking about. "Having one of my children in the Order is enough, let alone all of them. You know Sirius, Remus, and James would want to join instantly. I can't have all of them here. It's too scary, Kat."

I nod in understanding.

"Katarina?"

I look away from them and towards Dumbledore.

"It's time to take your oath."

I sighed deeply, and with a pat on the back from Harry, I walked over to him.

The oath was quick and afterwards he had me sign a sheet of paper. He looked at me and smiled slightly.

"Welcome to the Order, Katarina."

And then, I smile.

**XX**

I fell out of the fireplace and onto the common room floor, Lily falling not too far after me. I stand and help her up as we both begin to brush the ash away from our clothes.

"I didn't know the Potter's adopted you." Evans says, speaking up in the silence.

"My mother and she were best friends in Hogwarts. They didn't talk much afterward but I was left to them in my parent's will." I said with a shrug.

"They love you very much." She says and then frowns. "It's hard not having anyone around to feel that way about me anymore."

I look down at her honesty. "Well hang around Emily and she'll claim you as her child. Trust me. She always takes in strays. Just look at me and Sirius."

"I am no stray. And you're not either, don't think that about yourself."

I tilt my head to the side. "It's a shame that I waited until your parent's death to talk to you. I think we could have been good friends."

"Maybe not."

I raise an eye brow.

"I would have still just been Lily Evans, and you all would still be the marauders. We've always been different."

"We're not all that different Lily." I tell her truthfully. "And we can still be friends."

"And what would your brother think?"

At first I didn't understand what she meant until I finally realized that she was calling James my brother. I never really thought about it like that before, but that's what he is. He is my brother.

I wave my hand in the air. "Oh who cares what he thinks. Sure we'll probably get into an argument but when don't we?" I laugh slightly. "And besides, I never really had a friend that was a girl before."

"I think it would be weird." She admits.

"No shit, it'll be weird. But listen, we're going to be working together and seeing a lot of each other. We might as well be friends."

She stares at me.

"I'm not being your friend because I think you're a charity case, alright?" I tell her. "I have enough problems myself without worrying about yours, no offense. I'm a charity case myself. I know how it feels already."

"I'm sorry about your parents." She mumbles.

"Me too, but it was a long time ago." She looks down. "You'll get passed this Lily. I'll help you, Remus and I will help."

"Remus?" She asks in confusion.

"Yeah, he's been standing on the staircase for most of the conversation. Come on out Rem."

He sticks his head out. "How'd you know?"

"I always know."

He walks out sheepishly. "Sorry for eavesdropping."

"He doesn't sound very sorry does he?" I ask Lily.

She shakes her head, a half smile grazing her lips. "Not really."

"Well if what it's worth I had the right intention." He points out.

"What woke you up?" I ask curiously.

"The sound of two teenage girls falling out of the fireplace." He looks between us. "I'm curious though as to how you left here with Dumbledore two and a half hours ago and ended up with Lily?"

Lily and I exchange a quick look.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it Rem." I say rubbing his sandy blonde hair.

"But-"

I place a finger to his lips. "And it will be our little secret, right?"

"Katarina, you're not getting into any kind of trouble are you?" He asks, removing my finger from his lips.

"No." I lie.

"Kat-"

"Our little secret?"

He looks back and forth between Lily and I. She smiles at him in encouragement. I think I just found my new partner in crime.

"Fine." He sighs. "Our little secret."


	6. Boys, Meet Lily Evans

**Hey Everyone, sorry for the wait. Just been on vacation for senior trip but I'm back. Anyway, just wanted to inform you that I took a sentence out of chapter two where James and Katarina are fighting because I don't want James to say something like that until this chapter. You'll see what I mean once you read it. Anyway enjoy the next chapter. Reviews would be appreciated.**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter five- Boys, Meet Lily Evans.

"You know, I'm curious Miss Meadows, as to what types of magic you know." Moody asked me one night, a week after my first meeting when I was called into Dumbledore's office.

"Regular magic, sir." I said with a shrug. "The type any witch or wizard my age would know."

He leans forward in his chair and looks at me with his beady eyes. "Your parents, they meddled with the Dark Arts, yes?"

I find myself looking towards Dumbledore.

"Don't look at him, girl. Tell me." Moody says rather harshly bringing my attention back to him.

"Now, Alastor. Don't scare the girl." Dumbledore says with a light smile. "Ask her gently and maybe she'll tell you."

"I beg to differ Albus," Moody says looking me over. "There is nothing gentle about this girl. Not if she is anything like her father and I dare say she is."

I straighten up in my seat and set my jaw. "That may be true, Alastor." I say with a half smirk on my lips. "But I was also raised by Emily Potter and she taught me that no man should ever speak in that manner to a lady."

Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "She has you there, my friend."

His eyes narrow. "Very well." He turns to me, his glare softening. "Miss Meadows?"

"Yes, Moody?" I ask pleasantly, just to push his button more.

"Would you please tell me whether or not your parents meddled in the Dark Arts?"

"All pureblood wizards know the Dark Arts, but whether they practice it depends entirely on the wizard. You know that sir." I tell him gently. "But my parents," I start my voice growing with strength. "Chose to practice those arts and to pass them on to their children but not out of spite for wizard's who did not posses pure blood, but it was for revenge on the wizards who thought that muggle-born wizards were nothing. They loved all muggles and muggle-borns alike. Who they hated, were those witches and wizards who were not smart enough to see the brilliance of people who were different then themselves. That sir, is why they chose to learn and teach the dark arts. To fight fire with fire."

I took a deep breath after my speech wondering how I managed to sound so calm and uncaring when really, my heart was racing and my blood was boiling. I had never told another adult the things that my parents had done. Not even Emily or Harry. James and the boys knew very little about it, but never the stuff that I had learned. It was hard to explain, so I've never tried.

"I always had suspicions that they did." Moody says in the silence. "But many witches and wizards have done the same as your parents. They're not the only ones. You will find many aurors that use their ability in the Ministry to fight that way." He exchanges a quick look with Albus. "You will also find many Order members that choose to fight that way. For instance-"

"Dorcas." I said, spitting the name out like a disease. "You've never asked her about our parents? Why did you ask me?" I said before they could speak.

"She would never tell us."

"That's because Dorcas was never proud that our parents chose to learn the Dark Arts. I remember that she always hated learning it. She thought it was wrong, she thought it meant they were weak."

"And yourself?" Dumbledore asks, staring into my eyes.

"I may look like my mother but I am my father's daughter." And that was all the explanation I would give.

But of course they pushed on. "Why?"

"I adored my parents as most children do. I was only a child. You learn what your parents teach you. I didn't realize the consequences of what I was learning and Dorcas, being older, knew the difference that I didn't."

"And now?" Moody asked.

"I know the difference, but in a fight for my life, I would do anything to protect me or the people that I love."

"Very good." Moody says while exchanging another look with Albus.

"What exactly was I called in here for?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at both men.

"I've known how you've treated other students since your first year. I know what type of spells you've used, they were always way above your grade level, even as a first year you knew stuff that the seventh years wouldn't even dream of knowing. I had to check to make sure-"

"That I wasn't a Slytherin like my mother?" I interrupt. "But if you remember correctly, most of those "bad" spells I shouldn't have known were _on _the Slytherins. And if _I'm _correct then I know you've already spoken to the Sorting Hat and he already told you that I was going to be placed in Slytherin but it was my choices that made me a Gryffindor. I asked it to place me there and it did, because I _am _a Gryffindor. A true one. And I'm honestly offended that you should even ask about my loyalties, especially seeing as I was raised by Emily and Harry Potter." Without meaning to my voice grew louder and I slammed my hands down the desk, half raised from my seat.

Both of them stared at me, completely shocked by my outburst. _I _was shocked by my outburst.

I sat down and place my hands in my lap. "I apologize."

"No I'm sorry Katarina. I shouldn't have asked questions that would cause such an outburst. I already knew, but I wanted to hear it from you."

I nod my head and make to stand up but he held up a hand. "Not so fast, my dear." He looked over my shoulder and towards the door. "Miss Evans, you may enter."

I whipped my head around and the door knobbed turned and was slowly pushed open. In walked Lily Evans, her fiery red hair down from its usual pony tail, tumbling down her back in soft waves. Her brilliant green eyes darted around the room and stopped when they landed on me.

"I was wondering where you got off to." She says, stepping forward and sitting beside me. "I didn't see you with your brother or the other boys."

"Yes, I was just called in for the Spanish Inquisition."

She raises an eye brow.

I shrug. "Muggle studies."

She nods.

"Well you two are becoming fast friend, I presume." Dumbledore says his eyes once again shining.

"Yes well, we've basically been thrown together." Lily says.

"It was bound to happen." I say cutting her off.

Dumbledore just smiles. "Now Miss Evans, for the reason you're here. I would like it if Katarina would tutor you with some defensive spells."

"Sir, I really don't see why I should. Lily knows plenty of defensive spells."

"Not the ones you know." Moody corrects. "Not the ones your parents have taught you-"

"You want me to-" I stop unable to finish my question.

"Yes, we need her to be safe, she needs to know what she's up against." His blue eyes lock on mine. "Will you do it?"

"Yes sir." I say, still in shock. "Of course I will."

**XX**

"What in the blazes were they talking about?" Lily asked me only seconds after leaving his office.

"Long story short. My parents were slightly crazy and know a lot of Dark Arts which they taught me at a very young age and they want me to teach it to you."

"Okay, you can't exactly make that into a short story." She says, stopping dead in her tracks and turning to face me. "Now slow down and explain."

"My mother was a slytherin that married a Gryffindor. They both hated Voldemort and his death eaters but they were those who wanted to fight fire with fire so they taught me all the defensive and Dark Arts they knew so I could protect myself. They wanted to use whatever means necessary to defeat them."

Lily nods her head. "Okay." She says slowly as begin walking again. "So now they want _me _to learn the Dark Arts. A _mud-blood?_"

"Don't call yourself that." I snap. "And yes, you. A muggle-born. You need to know what type of spells they will be using and to do that you'll have to learn them yourself."

"Okay, I understand."

It gets quiet for a moment the only sound was our shoes slapping against the marble floors.

"Do you miss your parents?" She asked hesitantly.

"Sometimes." I answer truthfully. "Sometimes I don't."

She thinks for a moment before asking, "What were they like?"

"They were hard arses. I wasn't tucked in a night like most children, I wasn't babied. I was taught to fight at a very young age. I was taught to be strong. A warrior of sorts." I take a deep breath. "Sometimes though, if I was hurt dueling. My father would come in my room and he'd sing me a song and tell me stories like, wizarding fairy tales. My mother never knew. I don't think she'd allow it if she did. He liked to talk to me though. He'd wake me up at all hours of the night and just talk. About anything and everything. " I shake my head, coming out of my day-dream. "If I miss anyone, it would be him."

"They sound-"

"Exactly like what I told you. They loved me though, and I loved them but when I think of my parents the first people I see in my head are Emily and Harry."

"Do you think they'd be sad?"

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

"That you think of Emily and Harry as your parents?"

I shake my head and laugh slightly. "They knew exactly what they were doing when they left me with them. They knew what type of parents they were. I think they'd be okay with it. But enough about that." I tell her quickly changing the topic.

"Sorry if I- _Mandrake_- said anything to upset you."

I walk through the portrait right behind her. "You didn't, don't worry about it Evans."

"Kat!" I turn my head at the sound of my name and meet the eyes of James.

I groan internally.

"It's almost 1 in the morning. What hell are you doing and _what _are you doing with Evans?"

"I have a first name, you know." Lily says, surprising me by speaking up. "And it's Lily. You should try taking your head out of your own arse and using it!"

"Oh suddenly coming out of our shell aren't we?" James asks, standing up and moving closer to us. "Since when did you grow a pair of balls?"

Remus and I gasp. "_James!"_

"Oh and like you have balls, Potter!"

"I do have them."

"You think you're so perfect up on your high horse you sit on. You think you can look down on everyone else. But at least I'm doing something in the world. At least I'm trying to make a difference. All you do is walk about the castle with complete and utter arrogance while hexing whoever gets in your way! I know your mother raised you better than this."

"Doing something in the world? What are you talking about?" He yells. "And don't you dare bring my mother into this, you don't know her-"

"Actually Potter I just saw-"

I slapped my hand over Lily's mouth. "Enough you two, you'll wake the whole tower!"

"Take your hand off of her mouth. I want to know what she was going to say!"

"Don't tell me what to do James, you're always trying to tell me what to do!" I yell, trying to distract him.

"James mate, maybe you should calm down." Sirius says, placing a hand on James' shoulder.

"No, I really don't think I should. Katarina has been acting strangely for the last week and hanging out with Evans and now she's standing up for her? I don't fucking understand!"

"Is that what this is about?" I scream, taking my hand away from Lily's mouth and grabbing my wand out of my sleeve. "You're scared that I've made a new friend? Scared that everyone else may like her and that she'll see the real James Potter?"

"This is the real James Potter!" He growls.

"No it bloody well isn't! I _know _the real James Potter and this isn't fucking it! Stop acting like such an arse James. Lily has never done a thing to you. Grow the fuck up!"

Tears of frustration poured down my cheeks as my breathing got heavy. "Apologize to Lily, James!" I scream. "Apologize for all the means things that you've said to her over the past week!"

"Now you're trying to tell me what to do?" He bellows, inches away from my face. He grabs my shoulders tightly in both of his hands. "Don't think you can tell me what to do if I can't tell you what to do!"

"James enough!" Remus says, cutting off whatever I was going to say. "You two need to stop fighting."

"She's my sister! I can fight with her if I bloody well want to Moony!"

"Yeah well you can go shove that up your-" I stop and stare at him. "Sister?"

He looks taken aback. "What?"

"You just called me your sister."

"No I didn't, did I?"

I nod my head.

"Well that's what you are isn't it?" Peter asks me. "I mean the Potter's did adopt you when you were eleven. You are his sister."

"I've just- I've never really heard it said that way."

"I recall McGonagall coming up to you and James a few days ago saying 'you and your brother are nothing but trouble. You parents are getting another letter home." Sirius says.

I stare at him.

"Remember, when we set off the Dungbombs in Flich's office and he came out screaming bloody murder, something about his cat."

"Oh yeah!" James and I say in unison.

"Mrs. Norris needs to be put down." James adds on.

"You know that think will never die, James." I tell him. "When we have kids, I bet that damn cat will still be here."

He shrugs. "You're probably right."

We stare at each other for a few seconds. "I'm sorry I made you cry."

I smile and rub at my cheek. "I'm sorry I screamed at you. And I'm sorry I'm acting different, there's just something I can't tell you. Just like that thing you can't tell me.." I trail off.

"I get it, but I don't like it."

I roll my eyes. "James, you don't like anything."

"Now that's not true. I like transfiguration and quidditch, our parents, the marauders, I like owls and broomsticks and shepherd's pie and bacon, definitely bacon, and I like-"

"Enough James!" We all yell.

He doesn't stop, just keeps on naming all the things he likes.

"You know he does that Kat, why would you say it?" Sirius groans.

"I'm sorry!"

"What is he doing exactly?" I turn to Lily, who'd I forgotten was even there.

"Well we always tell him that he's a pessimist and that he hates everything he starts naming everything he likes to prove a point. Stubborn bastard."

"That he is."

"Hey Evans, welcome to the group!" Sirius yells over top of James.

She looks around at all of us and smiles. "Thanks."

"-And ice cream and my wand and beating the shit of Snape and dueling and-"

"Potter! Lily screams. "Shut up!"

He stops dead in his tracks.

She smiles and walks over to the girls dormitories. "See you all tomorrow."

Sirius looks at me. "Good choice on befriending Evans. She's a useful little thing isn't she?"

"I'd say so Sirius," Remus answers for me. "I'd say so."


	7. Being Unpredictable

**Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. I just recently got sick I could hardly lift my head, let alone update anything. So here's the next chapter. Enjoy! Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter seven- Being Unpredictable.

**-Lily's POV-**

_.Think._

_What the bloody hell was I supposed to be thinking about anyway?_

That girl, with the pretty black hair, she told me to-

I look up startled at the sound of banging on the door.

"Yes?" I call out hesitantly.

The door slams open and in walks a boy my age with unruly black hair and the coldest hazel eyes I've ever seen. How can such a warm color be so cold?

"Evans! What the hell are you doing?"

"Evans?" I ask out loud.

"Yes, Evans." He says in exasperation. "Your name is Lily Evans' and I'm James Potter. Got it?"

I nod.

"Good."

He stares at me and when I don't say anything he throws his hands in the air. "What are you _doing?"_

"Thinking." I answer instantly.

"Well seeing as your head girl and I'm-"

"I'm head girl?" I look down and spot the badge on my robes with a large HG on them. "Well look at that."

He just continues staring at me. "Well we have a meeting, right now! With McGonagall. So unless you want to explain to her that the reason we were late because you were thinking about Merlin knows what, we better go _now!_"

I think back to that girl and shake my head quickly. She wouldn't expect me to miss this meeting seeing as I _was _head girl. I stand up.

"About damn time." James Potter mutters and then storms out of the door.

I shrug my shoulders and follow after him to this Professor McGonagall's office. Upon entering she smiles at us. "Ah, just on time I think. Take a seat." She motions to the two chairs in front of her desk.

I take the one on the left, James, to the right of me.

"Good evening." I state giving her a small smile.

James saying this at the same time I did. Then he shot me a glare. I raise an eye brow in return. This boy must really not like me for some reason…

"Miss Evans, how have you been holding up lately? Since the accident?" She said the word "accident" as if there was another harsher word that she was trying not to use.

I glance away from Potter at her strange question. "I've been fine." I reply instantly. "And what accident?"

James turns to me in shock.

"W-what accident?" McGonagall stutters out. "Miss Evans, I'm talking about the murder of your parents."

My heart stops beating. "Excuse me? My parents were _what?_"

"Murdered, Miss Evans." She repeats. "Are you feeling alright?"

"No, no I'm not." I snap. "Apparently my parents were murdered and I didn't even know!"

"Lily, what exactly were the names of your parents?" She asks the question gently.

"Well my mum's name was-" I stop realizing that I had no idea, nor had I any idea the name of my father. "I-I can't remember! Why can't I remember?"

McGonagall mutters something under her breath, could it have been a curse? She turns to James. "Get your sister, now!"

"Professor, I don't understand-"

She cuts him off. "Now, Potter!"

He quickly pulls a mirror out of his pocket.

"Potter-"

"Professor, I'm getting her." James interrupts. He looks into the mirror and then says clearly, "Sirius Black."

McGonagall watches on in curiosity.

"What's up, Prongs?" The person who must have been Sirius Black, asks from the mirror.

Rather good looking boy… I couldn't help but think.

"Is Katarina with you?"

"Naturally." Sirius Black says, lounging back on his bed. "Why?"

"McGonagall needs to see her, it's urgent." James says quickly.

Sirius shrugs his shoulders and calls out. "Kitty Kat, McGonagall needs to see you. James says it's urgent."

"Fine." A voice says, ringing out like a bell.

I _recognize _that voice.

"Later, Pads."

"Bye Prongs."

He places the mirror back in his pocket.

"Mr. Potter-"

"Pretend you've never seen that?" He asks charmingly.

She gives a slight smile. "Never seen it in my life."

And then it was quiet and both of them were staring at me. I was anxious, waiting for this Katarina person to come. I began twirling my fingers in my hair.

"I don't-" I start only to be cut off by the sound of the door opening.

"Good Evening Professor." The bell like voice says.

I stare at her in shock. _It was her! The girl that told me to think, Katarina._

"What are you doing here?" She demands of me.

"Miss Meadows, what have you done?" McGonagall asks her, pointing in my direction.

"What?" James asks, looking back and forth between the two. "Kat, I don't-"

"Enough, James." She says placing up a hand, before turning back to the professor. "She wasn't supposed to leave her room. I told her to sit in there and think!"

"Yes well clearly, she left her room." The professor says in an obvious sort of way.

"Really?" Katarina asks sarcastically. "Hadn't noticed." She turns to me. "Why did you leave your room?"

"This James person told me I had head girl duties and a meeting, so I figured I should go."

Katarina nods. "Do you feel strange?" She asks me. "Like your brain is missing something?"

"Sort of." I tell her. "Like my brain is fuzzy."

She smiles. "Okay, try and break through the fuzz. Focus hard, _think._"

There she goes telling me to think again. Think about what?

I close my eyes and concentrate and….._nothing._

"I can't do it."

"Miss Meadows, fix it!" McGonagall barks.

"I'm trying to, this wasn't part of the plan." She says through clenched teeth. She grabs her wand.

"_Wand?" _I gasp in shock. "Bloody hell, you have a wand!"

"Miss Evans!" McGonagall yells. "Language!"

"Apologies."

Katarina rolls her eyes and points her wand at me, muttering under her breath. A bright light shines out and then suddenly my head is filled with things, things that I can't slow down to see.

And then it just stopped.

"Katarina?"

She looks towards me. "All right there Lily?"

"I didn't do it, did I?" I ask.

"Sadly, no. James came and you went to McGonagall's office."

I look around and indeed I was in her office. She smiled at me. "Work harder, Evans."

I nod my head.

"Okay, can anyway care to explain what just happened?" James explodes. "Why did you not remember anything? Not even your own parents?" But before I could answer he turns to Katarina. "And _you, _why did you tell her not to leave her room, what spell did you place on her? And _why didn't she remember anything?"_

"Relax, James." Kat says, sitting on the arm of James' chair. "There are just some things I can't tell you remember? Just like there are some things you can't tell me."

I briefly remember this being said in a fight they had a few days ago.

"But you're my sister." He says as if this should be reason enough.

"And you're my brother." She says back. "But that doesn't mean we have to tell each other everything right when it happens. One day this will all be explained." She says, reaching out to place a hand on his hair. "Okay?" She doesn't wait for him to answer instead she stands up and places a kiss on his cheek. "Excellent, Come on Lily. We have some things we need to work on."

And then without waiting for me to follow she turns and walks out the door, with James and I staring after her opened mouth and in disbelief.

**XX**

**-Katarina's POV-**

"Jamsie, told me about the strange happening in McGonagall's office today." Sirius says, sitting down on the couch beside me.

I look around the common room in shock, realizing that we were the only two out here. Just how late was it?

"It's a little after 12." He tells me.

I raise an eye brow.

"It isn't hard to know what you're thinking, well sometimes anyway. Most of the time I can't."

"Can't what?" I ask.

"Read you, I mean. You're a bit unreadable you know."

I shrug my shoulders.

"Care to tell me what happened today?" He asks, moving over and placing my head in his lap.

I sigh and curl my legs up as he begins brushing my hair back from my head.

"I can't exactly, if you talked to James then you know I can't."

He nods his head. "Just seeing if it was _all _of us you couldn't tell or just James."

"Nope." I say lightly. "It's all of you."

"I see."

I roll my eyes. "Oh don't get all pissy, there are things I don't know about you four."

"Relax, I wasn't being serious. And don't-" He tells me when I open my mouth to speak. "Crack a Sirius serious joke because they stopped being funny after second year."

I sigh. "Very true."

It gets quiet and I close my eyes, loving the feeling of his long fingers tangled in my hair. No one could play with my hair quite like Sirius, not even my boyfriend whose hands were rather large and short.

"Katarina?"

I don't open my eyes because usually when he says my first name, I know we're about to have a serious conversation.

"Hmm?" I asked, pretending to be uninterested.

"We haven't really talked since the fight-"

I open my eyes now and stare into his. His hand going still on my head.

"You're still worried about that? It was almost two weeks ago now, I'm over it."

He stares down at me.

"And, I thought you were too."

"I am." He protests, his fingers now racing through my hair. "I just never got to apologize."

I grab his free hand. "Sirius, you know you don't have to apologize to me."

"I know, I just want to understand though. How can you love him when you both cheat on each other, it just makes no sense to me."

"Oh, Sirius." I say sadly. "I love him like I love your brother and Remus and Peter, hell even how I'm starting to love Lily. I don't love him _in that way._"

"Not even how you love James?"

"You know I don't love anyone like I love James."

He didn't comment on how I didn't say his name, and I decided not think on it.

"So you don't love him like that then?" He verifies.

"No I don't." I confirm. "And he doesn't love me in that way either."

He stops and looks at me.

"In a way we're basically friends with benefits, but we labeled each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. It's strange but…" I trail off.

"I think I get it now?"

I give his hand a little squeeze. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He takes his hand out of my hair and rubs it along my cheek. "I think I'm heading off to bed, you coming?"

I shake my head. "No, not quite yet."

He lightly removes my head from his lap and stands up.

"I love you, you know." He says then.

And when I don't say anything he leans down and places a lingering kiss on my forehead.

I curl up in a ball on the couch and stare at the flickering flames as I listen to the sound of his footsteps walking up the stairs, only when his door is such and I'm completely alone in the common room do I answer him.

"I love you too, Sirius."

**XX**

Remus woke me up that next morning, kindly informing me that I had slept on the couch and that if I didn't get up I was going to be late to Potions.

Okay maybe it wasn't so kind. He kind of screamed at me, but then again I was tough to wake up in the morning anyway and staying up until the sun rose, completely lost in my thoughts didn't help one bit.

"Merlin, Remus." I say, sitting up and placing my head in my hands. "There is no need to yell."

"I have been trying to wake you up for almost a full ten minutes." He explains. "So there is a perfectly good reason to yell."

"I heard him, you know." A voice says from behind us.

I turn around and give Lily a little smile, as did Remus.

"I think even the Slytherin's could hear him down in their," She stops and thinks on a word, "_Dungeons."_

We stare at each other and then promptly burst into laughter. Remus stares at us in awe. "You two are strange, now please Katarina go put your robes on, you already missed breakfast."

"Oh, what a pity." I mumble under my breath. I stand from the couch and raise my hands over my head to stretch as a huge yawn escapes my throat.

Remus gently or actually not too gently, pushes on my arse. "Get going!"

"Yes, Dad." I say with a smirk as I walk towards my dorm, before quickly moving my head to the left.

_Ah, just as I suspected_. I thought as a pillow whizzed by my ear.

"How do you always know?" Remus shouts at my bag in a mixture between amazement and shock.

"When are you going to learn Remus?" I ask half glancing at him. "You are entirely too predictable."

I should have known I was going to regret that comment for he didn't stop bringing it up all day.

"I am not predictable." He begins for the hundredth time that day, bringing us to dinner time. "Am I?" He finishes looking towards the boys.

They glance up for a brief second before turning back to their food mumbling different things like, "A little mate." "Yeah a bit." And "Predictable, what exactly does that mean again?"

_Three guesses to who said the last one._

"Uh! Well I guess I'll just have to do this!" Remus yells bringing attention to our section of the table.

I wave them away. "Nothing to see people, continue with your dinner." They all stare at me. "Now!" I yell, before smiling. "Thanks!"

"You're mental." Lily mutters to me.

I shrug.

"Anyway, just thought I'd inform you that the night Kat left with Dumbledore she stumbled through the fire place past two, with Lily!"

The boys look at us in shock. I'm glaring at Remus.

"Moony! What gives?" I yell, while Lily screamed something similar.

Remus grinned triumphantly. "Bet you didn't see _that _coming, did you?"

My eyes flash. "No." I state and then punch him in the arm. Hard. "But you saw that, didn't you?"

Remus rubbed his arm. "Unfortunately, yes. Felt it as well."

I smile and it drops from my face at the look James, Sirius and Peter were giving me.

"Katarina, I'm going to ask you again. What the bloody hell is going on?" James asks calmly, when everyone knows he was anything but.

I bite my lip. "Er-"

"Kat-"

I make my decision quickly. I grab Lily's arm and pull her from the table and before James can do anything but scream my name, Lily and I were out of the great hall, laughing as we did so.


	8. Sticking Lies

**And now for another chapter! Hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it! Reviews please!**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter eight- Sticking Lies.

**-Katarina's POV-**

"How are you lessons coming, Katarina?"

I swallowed thickly and placed my mug of Firewhiskey down on the table. "Merlin, Albus." I said, my heart beating quickly. "You frightened me."

"You don't appear frightened my dear, had you never said anything, I would have never known." He says lightly, taking the seat across from me.

"Yes, well," I pick up my cup and take a large swig enjoying the burn as it goes down. "My lesson are going fine, she's a quick learner. Except of course for that little mishap a few days ago. She was doing so well, if _James _hadn't interrupted-"

"Well Mr. Potter didn't know he interrupted did he?" Albus says, his eyes shining. "But yes, Lily is an exceptionally quick learner. Is she doing any better on the parent front?"

I sigh loudly and swirl the drink around my glass. "We don't actually talk about that. She doesn't bring it up and I swore as hell won't if she doesn't."

I don't apologize for swearing and he doesn't make me.

"You've never tried?" He presses.

"Well she's mentioned her parents in passing, but we've never had a full out talk about them. I'm sure she's feeling pretty lonely right now. _Not _that I would know how that feels or anything."

"Katarina, you lost your parents as well."

I smile grimly. "You can't really lose something you never had, can you Albus?"

He opens his mouth to say something but is cut off as my sister walks into the room. She looks between the two of us and gives a tight lipped smile.

"Am I interrupting something?"

I snort into my cup. "I bet you'd love it so much if you were."

"Is that Firewhiskey you're drinking Katarina, but you're underage." She says sounding smug.

I stand up taking my glass with me. "Interesting you know, that you would assume that I am underage when most all witches or wizards have to be seventeen years old to enter their seventh year at Hogwarts and if I wasn't at least seventeen then I'd be in my sixth year wouldn't I?" I say glancing briefly at Albus. "Though Alas, I am seventeen years old having just turned on July 30th, _not _that you would know that, would you big sister?"

She shuts her mouth quickly. I give her a smirk before parting the room. I walk briefly into the kitchen where Emily was making dinner for the whichever Order members decided to show up, which naturally would be all. I don't know one person that had tasted Emily's cooking and had a bad thing to say about it.

"What's wrong baby girl?" Emily asks, looking over her shoulder and at the frown on my face.

"My sister forgot my birthday." I mumble quietly before conjuring an apron and tying it around my waist.

Emily turned around completely and frowned. "Well we didn't forget your birthday and neither did James or your friends. That's all you need to worry about."

I smile and take the large stirring spoon she hands me. "You're right."

"Of course I am." She says a bit arrogantly.

Some people say James Potter is exactly like his dad, looks, attitude, and his character. But if you spent any time around his mother you would know what a huge mistake that would be. First off, James had the very same eye color of his mother, down to the tiny specks of amber they had swimming in their eyes. He also inherited her smile, not that many people have ever seen James smile, but the ones that have are very lucky indeed for it is a beautiful sight to see. He also got her arrogance and the proud manner in which she holds herself. The last trait he got from her was something I wish he hadn't gotten at all. And that was the ability to blame yourself for everything. The trait, _coincidentally, _James' whole life was centered around.

"Sometimes I just don't understand that sister of yours." Emily continued on to say. "I'm not sure if I like her or not."

"Yes, she is a puzzle isn't she?" I agree.

"Who's a puzzle?" Lily asks, pushing the door to the kitchen open.

"My sister." I answer instantly.

Lily shrugs and hands me the bottle of firewhiskey.

"Cheers, mate." I say.

"Cheers."

"You two have been drinking an awful lot of Odgen's today." Emily comments, smacking my hand away from the food as I go to grab a bite.

"Yes, well. I'll need it if I'm supposed to sit down with Dork for dinner."

"And well I, I just want it." Lily says.

We laugh and clink our glasses together.

"You two will be the death of me, I swear it." Emily says with a sigh.

"But you love us Mum, you know you do." I say placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Of course, now you two run along and do something useful until dinner."

I exchange a look with Lily and soon enough we end up in the living room with Gideon and Fabian, playing a game of exploding snap.

"You can never get to old for this game." Gideon comments with a smile.

"Probably not." I agree. "Though I've never played it until I got to Hogwarts."

"Me either!" Lily yells.

It was a bit possible that Lily, the twins, and I were a bit tispy before dinner. But we'd sober up in time for the meeting, right?

**XX**

But we never even got to have the meeting, in fact we didn't even get to finish dinner before there was a reported attack on Muggles, a few towns over from us.

"Lily, Katarina!" Dumbledore shots at us as we get there. "You two stay together!"

I look around the street, this being my first rescue mission in the Order. I didn't know what to expect but it really wasn't this. Muggle were running about like a chicken with their heads cut off screaming bloody murder. Death Eaters took up every inch of the street, their black robes whipping around in the wind. Their wands shooting out ever spell possibly but mostly the lights were green, bright green. _The killing curse._

I watched as Emily through herself directly in the line of action her wand waving madly. I have never seen her more strong or more beautiful in that moment. I thought briefly as I deflected a spell coming straight for me.

"Kat, pay attention!" Fabian shouted at me as he dueled with a Death Eater not too far from where I was standing.

Someone grabbed my arm and whipped me around.

_Lily._

"We have to go check the houses." She whispered in my ear. "Come on, Kat!"

She tugged roughly on my arm, dragging me into house after house, checking for hurt muggles.

"Lily, I don't want to check on Muggles!" I yell as I was dragged into yet again another house. "I want to fight!"

"We will." She says dropping my arm and moving silently to the stairs.

"Lily I'm going to-" My voice was cut off by a muffled scream.

Her eyes widen. "Did you hear that?"

I nod my head a place my finger to my lips. She moves aside, allowing me to walk up the stairs first, Lily following closely on my heels. I listen again for a sound, any sound to let me know what door to walk through. And then a high pitched laugh fills the hall way.

I point to the door just to the left of us. Lily nods. I point my wand at it and the door shatters into a million pieces, leaving me with a perfect view of just what was going on. Two Death Eaters turned to stare at me with wide eyes underneath their masks. On the floor in front of them was a little boy and a little girl, twins by the look of it. Their Mother was off to left, _dead._

I pointed my wand at the Death Eater closets to myself and the little boy screams.

"No sweetheart, we're not here to hurt you." Lily says, her own wand raised.

"Help?" The first one says. "Don't make me laugh."

"If hurting children makes you laugh, I'm sure this will too!" I say and wave my wand quickly through the air both masks falling uselessly to the floor.

"Ah, Dolohov, Yaxely. What a surprise." Lily says with a grin smile.

"A Mudblood and a Blood Traitor, lucky us eh Yaxely?"

Lily and I exchange a quick look. And with a nod Lily takes off, running towards the kids and I, begin to duel.

I'm waving my wand every which way blocking and sending spells back at the two idiots.

"Where do you think you're going, red?" Yaxely yells turning his wand on Lily.

She looks up at him her concentrating slipping, the children's dead mother falling to the floor.

"No!" I scream and the strongest shield charm I've ever created was in place, between Lily and Yaxely. His spell deflected off and hit himself directly in the head from where he fell to the ground in pain.

"Go on Lily, take the children and go!" I scream at her.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, holding the shield charm in place and to duel two death eaters at the same time, while not letting the shield falter. I was more than happy when Lily levitated the mother, a child in each of her arms and runs from the room.

A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead, and my concentration broke. More and more spells were breaking through, hitting me in random places, my knees, my ear, my chin. I tried not to show pain, I tried not to show that they were wearing me down, but they were. I just _so _tired.

But then Lily was back, twirling and rotating her wand sending Yaxely back and through a window where he lay unconscious on the sill, half in half out.

"Alright there, Meadows?" She asks, glancing at me from the corner of her eye which I noticed had a particularly bad burn on the side of it.

I nod my head but don't speak. I cross my wand in an X, the large letter appearing in front of me and then with my wand and my right hand I throw it at him. It went through his chest and he fell to floor.

"Is he- is he dead?" Lily asks.

I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. "He's just knocked out, but dead? He will be if he doesn't wake up."

She looks at me in confusion.

I slash my wand sideways through the air, fire erupting out of my wand and filling the whole room with it.

"Evans?"

She looks at me.

"Run!"

And then we're running, she being a bit faster than me grabbed my arm and urged me on just as we heard a loud boom from behind us.

"Evans!" I yell as I see the fire spreading and coming after us.

"Come on!"

She yanks harder on my arm and before I know it we were stumbling out of the front door.

When I look up, everything was quiet. Mostly all of the death eater had disapparated, the ones who were still here were in chains, Aurors next to them. But the muggles, the people who had been attacked and survived were to the left of them, being healed by a healer from St. Mungo's and but the muggles who were attacked and did not survive, I noticed with a grimace, were to the right of them, lined up. There we enough of them to make me turn to my left and vomit at the sight.

Lily moves her hand onto my back. "It gets easier after the first time." She tells me gently.

I stand up straight and wipe my mouth on my sleeve vanishing the pile of vomit with a wave of my wand. I turn to her with a nod and we walk off like it never happened.

"Baby!" I look up and see Harry running towards me. He throws his arms around me and lifts me off the ground, kissing me on my forehead. "Thank Merlin you're okay. Thank Merlin."

"I'm glad you're okay too." I mumble.

He sets me down.

"Where's Mum?"

He smiles sadly at me. "Worn out, I sent her home."

I nod my head. "Good."

He kisses Lily on her forehead as the two begin to talk sharing their separate stories of what had happened. I listened without interest, my eyes searching for the two children whom we saved. At last I find them with the survivors and standing next to them was none other than Albus Dumbledore. I excused myself from my father and Lily and quickly made my way towards them.

"Looking a little worse for the wear, I see." Dumbledore greets as I walk up.

"You look wonderful, Albus." I say in return.

He smiles at me, his eyes twinkling.

"Thank you." The little girl says, from where she was holding her brothers hand.

I kneel down in front of them. "My name is Katarina. What's yours?"

"I'm Mimi, and this is Eric my brother."

"Hi, Eric. I'm very very sorry to hear about your Mummy."

He nods, silent tears running down his cheeks.

"I want to be just like you when I get older." Mimi announces, her blonde curls bouncing on her head. "Will I get a wand too, sir?"

I look up at Albus in shock.

"Why Miss Meadows can't you tell? These two have magic coursing through their veins. Muggle-Borns."

I glance down. "I suspect you have quite a few more years before Hogwarts."

"I'm 5." Eric says.

I smile. "Well when you get to Hogwarts make sure to be in Gryffindor, it's the best house. Your Mummy would be very proud of you."

"Gryffindor?" Mimi asks.

I nod my head and open my arms to hug them both.

"Will I see you again?" She asks.

"I'm certain you will, squirt."

I stand up and brush the dirt off my knees. "We should get going Albus."

He nods his head and grabs my right arm tightly in his hand. He spins on the spot and with a loud crack he disappears, taking me with him.

**XX**

"Ow." I moan in pain. "Ow. Ow. Ow!"

"Oh Miss Meadows, stop making such a fuss." Poppy tells me from where I was sitting in the hospital wing at 3 am that same night, or next day in whichever way you want to look at it.

"It bloody hurts!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have set fire to the room." Lily says, from where she was lying in the bed next to me, her burns already wrapped up and healing. "Not like it worked anyone. When Benjy went in to look for them they were already gone."

I frown. "Don't remind me."

"So you let two Death Eaters get away." She says, closing her and crossing her ankles. "There will be more."

"I guess so."

"There all done, Miss Meadows. You and Miss Evans may leave in a half hour's time."

I nod my head and lie back. I wait until she leaves the room before asking hesitantly.

"Evans?"

"Hmm?"

"Do- do you think about your parents often?"

"Every day, Kat, everyday." And then she begins to cry.

So I let her.

**XX**

"Good morning oh sweet brother of mine!" I say plopping down at the Gryffindor table beside, dropping a kiss on his cheek.

"Kat." He says, his eyes focused on the Daily Prophet in front of him.

"Whatcha reading?" I lean forward and frown at the picture on the front page. It was of the attack last night, the house that I set fire on to be exact. I quickly take the paper from him. "No need to read that rubbish, James."

"Kat, I was reading that!"

I roll the paper up in a ball and stuff it into my bag for later reading.

"It will only ruin your breakfast." I tell him, as I take a cup of tea Remus holds out for me.

"How was your night?" I ask him in a joking manner seeing as each boy looked a little worse for the wear.

"Not so good." He admits, taking a small bite from his apple.

I look towards Sirius who was all but falling asleep in his cereal bowl. "Paddy, wake up mate!"

He sits up quickly and stares at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing at all, just don't want to see your handsome face covered in cereal."

"Yes well you didn't have to yell-" he stops and looks at me. "You think I'm handsome?"

"Of course she does, Black." Lily says coming to sit at my left. "All the girls in the school think you're handsome along with a small section of males."

"Peter!" Sirius announces loudly. "You think I'm handsome!"

"M-Mate, o-of course not." Peter stutters. "W-why would you sa-say that?"

"Because you stare at me all the time." Sirius starts.

"You always try and be like him." Remus continues on.

"And-"

"Enough you three." James yells at Sirius, Remus, and I. "Leave Pete alone."

"Thanks, James."

James nods his head and goes back to his coffee.

"He seems a bit stiff this morning." Lily mumbles in my ear.

My lips twitch into a smile as James snaps. "I heard that Evans."

"How does he bloody well hear everything I mean I'm not even-"

"Evans!" James snaps again.

"Merlin someone is a bit-"

James stands up from the table and glares at her. "Shut up Evans! I was up all last night doing something important why you were snug up in your little bed so excuse me if I'm a bit snappy!" And then he stomps away.

"Did he just say snappy?" Remus asks, covering up his laugh with a little cough.

"I think so mate." Sirius says, full out laughing at James' back.

Lily looks at me. "Snug in my little bed was I?"

"Good to know our lies are sticking." I say with a shrug to my shoulders, returning to my breakfast.

Lily stands up quickly, her cheeks a flaming red.

_Oh Shit. She's pissed._

"Lily, where are you going?" I call after her.

"After Potter of course."

"Did you think that maybe we should stop her?" Remus asks with his eye brow raised.

Sirius and I exchange a look. "Nah." We state in unison.

"Do you think," Peter begins. "That maybe Evans is a bit in over her head?"

"What?" Sirius and I exclaim. "Of course not." I add. "Yeah, perfectly fine." Sirius backs up.

Then a loud bang sounds, everyone in the Great Hall turning towards the door.

Another bang and then, _"Potter!"_

Remus, Sirius, and I stare at each other.

"Maybe we should-" Sirius suggest.

"Yeah." Remus and I say, and then we take off towards the entrance, leaving a confused Peter behind.


	9. Cracking

**Anddd, another chapter. Please review! Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter nine- Cracking.

By the time we reached James and Lily the duel was already in full blast. It wasn't a friendly duel, it wasn't just an I'm-really-mad-at-you-type of duel this was, I'm-out-to- hurt-you-because-I-hate-you type of duel. Lily's hair was falling out of her pony tail as she whipped her wand around. Her face was set and her brilliant green eyes were blazing. She was really mad and James was no exception. The look on his face had me cringing, as he dueled with arrogance.

I screamed Lily's name as a jet of light flew her way, she ducked her head to left the spell grazing her ear. She spun and shot a curse at him which dropped him to his knees. He stood quickly and faced her. They stared at each other for a few minutes, both breathing equally hard.

"Done yet, Evans?" He asks, a smirk gracing his features.

"Not even close." She says her eyes hard. "Tired, Potter?"

"Yes." I answer for him. "He is quite tired and so are you Lily." I say pointedly. "No need to open up anything unnecessary." I say staring at her shoulder were a large burn mark had started to bleed.

"Stay out of this Katarina." Lily said to me with a glare. "This is between me and Potter and it's been a long time coming. He deserves what he gets."

"Oh do I?" He asks, taking a step closer.

A jet of light shoots out of Lily's wand so fast I barely had time to blink. James flew back against the wall an invisible force holding him there. He struggled once and then stopped. She walked quickly towards him and when she reached him she placed one arm against the wall beside his shoulder the other held her wand against his throat.

"You won't beat me Potter. I know too much." She growled. "So you can let this go now- or I can beat you again and again. As much as it will take for it to sink in, but it's your call if you want too-"

"Miss Evans!"

I whirl around and stare at McGonagall as she strode out of the Great Hall, Professor Slughorn beside her.

"Why I never, _Lily_!" Slughorn says, his eyes widened in shock.

"Hello Professor." I greet cheerfully hoping to distract him.

"Ah, Katarina m'dear. How are you today?"

"Exceptionally well, yourself sir?"

"Good, good."

He leans towards me. "What happened between Lily and the Potter boy?"

Sirius walks towards me and shakes his. "It's been a long time coming sir. They can barely stand to be in a room together."

"But why? Lily is such a lovely girl."

"Oh trust me Professor we know. James just-" Sirius stops and looks at the said boy who had just finally been released from the wall. "He's just a bit blind is all."

"Yes, yes." Slughorn agrees. "He must be."

We all turn to the two heads as McGonagall screams at them her face a bright shade of red.

"You two are heads and Gryffindors no less! I have never been more disappointed to call you two my students in my whole life. I'm giving you both detention for the next three days. My office, seven sharp."

I jump in at this. "But Professor you know Lily and I have too-"

"Miss Meadows, she is my student and will therefore be given the proper punishment. Dumbledore will understand. She will just have to arrive late or not at all."

"But that is completely unfair, what if-"

"Miss Meadows!"

Sirius places a hand over my mouth and another on my back. He leans in close. "Quit before you're ahead, love."

I swallow thickly.

"If I let go will you keep your trap shut?"

I nod my head.

"Yeah?"

I nod it again and he releases his hand.

"You don't understand, Sirius." I tell him. "It's really important that she be there."

"Of course I wouldn't understand." Sirius says stiffly. "You won't tell me what's going on."

I turn towards him. "I can't Sirius, don't you get it? It is so much more important then telling you all a secret this is- this is something bigger than me and you."

"What can be so much bigger than you and me?"

I shake my head and sigh. "Don't start Sirius, please. I've had a rough night."

"Anything you want to talk about?" He presses with a smile.

"Sirius!"

"Oh alright!" He places an arm around my shoulder. "Let's skip transfiguration and go take a nap just you and me-"

"In my classroom, ten minutes." McGonagall interrupts.

He smiles at her, while I turn my laugh into a cough.

"Of course Professor." I tell her gently. "We'll see you there."

We never did make it to class in ten minutes. In fact, we never made it at all.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

"I can't believe I'm stuck in detention with you." I say for what had to fifth time since we got here. "I don't want to scrub floors with you, I don't want to clean desks with you, in fact I don't want to be anywhere _near _you!"

"And you think I like being around you Evans?" James says speaking up for the first time in ten minutes, silencing me with shock. "It's no better for me then it is for you, so please, please stop your bitching."

"Don't tell me what to do, Potter!" I yell throwing my brush into the bucket of water, water splashing onto the floor. "I don't want to be told what to do."

"And neither do I." He says back, his hazel eyes narrowed. "And you keep trying to tell me to do things."

"I have not." I protest.

"You have so, you're the biggest control freak I know. Everything has to be your way. Everything always has to be so bloody perfect, well guess what Evans, life isn't perfect!"

"I know that Potter, how could you think that _I _of all people wouldn't know that life isn't perfect."

"Don't feed me that bullshit, you have the perfect life. You're spoiled and always get your way. You have the perfect family and friends-"

"_I have no family!" _I scream stopping us both dead in our tracks. "And I have no friends either." I say softer. "You're the boy that has bloody everything and takes it for granted. Don't you ever tell me my life is perfect. My parents were murdered, Potter! _Murdered_! And my sister told me to never come home again because she said it was _my _fault that they were murdered, that it was my fault because I'm a _freak_!"

By the time I was done yelling, tears were pouring down my cheeks and my hands were clenched into fists at my sides so hard that blood was dripping down my wrists. I dropped down to the floor and put my head into my knees and cried. And I kept crying, not ever really knowing when or if I was ever going to stop.

"Evans, I forgot. I didn't mean-"

I lifted my head and glared through my tears. "I'm glad you forgot because I think about it every damn day. It never leaves my head, I can still hear the words my sister wrote to me. I can still see the way Dumbledore looked at me as he told me my parents were killed by death eaters and the way Sirius cousin laughed as she told me it was her fiancé that killed them! I will never ever forget and you can sit there and I UH!" I scream loudly, tugging on my hair in frustration. "I just- I hate you! I hate you because you're so bloody perfect and you're such an arse about it, do you know that? Do you know that's why I hate you because that's why, James! That's why I _fucking _hate you so much! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

He stares and me for a long time after my outburst. He couldn't seem to look away. He didn't look upset by my words and even if he was I'd never know. He just stared. His eyes looking into mine never leaving.

"I didn't know." He said quietly after a while. "That, that was the reason you hated me. But I do know now."

"No." I say just as quiet. "No that's not completely fair."

"What's not?"

I wipe the tears from my eyes. "I have a friend or actually I have few, obviously your sister and Remus and sometimes Sirius, I think. And then I have a few that you don't know about. But that's not what I really wanted to say. I don't hate you just because you have everything. I'm not really a jealous person. It's because I have never done anything to you. Never in my whole six years of Hogwarts and you've just been- mean. You pushed me into a wall three days ago in Potions because you were pissed that I forgot an ingredient. You screamed at me for a half hour because I couldn't go on patrol one night and again when I was late to a meeting with McGonagall. You make snide remarks about me being a know it all and an uptight bitch because I'm friends with your sister and that makes you mad. I don't understand what I did, Potter. And that is the real reason why I hate you, because you hate me."

"You didn't do anything Evans, alright?" He asks, just as frustrated as I was. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

"Then what is it Potter?" I ask softly. "Why can't you just accept that your sister and I are friends? And for once Potter, for once in my life I feel like I have a real friend. Severus was at first he was but then-" I stop and shake my head. "His Slytherin friends and now he's a death eater or at least I assume but Katarina found me when I felt worthless, when I was ready to jump off the Astronomy tower and never look back, she and Remus- they- they've helped me a lot."

His face was completely emotionless as he stared at me.

"Can you accept our friendship, please?" I shake my head. "Merlin, I'm not sure why I'm asking your permission but I feel like I should because even though I hate you, I still value your opinion. I still listen to what you have to say. And you don't even have to tell me why you hate me or why you don't like being around me just please- please let me come around. I need Remus to be my voice of reason and I need Katarina to help me have fun and to forget and Sirius of course to make me laugh. Just- Can't we just be civil. That's all I ask, is for us to be Civil, we don't even have to talk. But as long as you don't make snide comments about me being near you we'll be fine and then-"

"Evans, enough." James says, holding up a hand. "You're rambling."

"I know and I'm sorry it's just that I do that when I'm nervous." I bite my lip.

He raises an eye brow. "I make you nervous, Evans?"

"Every day." I admit truthfully.

"Fine." He says and then he turns his back on me and begins to scrub a desk.

"Fine?" I ask standing up.

"Yes, I'll leave you alone, we'll be civil or whatever." He says, not turning back around to face me.

"Really?"

"Merlin Evans, I said yes. You can be friends with whomever you want and I won't bloody bother you!"

I close my eyes and internally smile, before picking my brush back up and begin right where I left off with cleaning.

"Potter?"

"Yes Evans?" His voice said he was annoyed.

"Just one more thing?" I ask hopefully.

He turns around and looks at me. "What?"

"Well how horrible do I look right now? I don't need anyone to know I was crying, because Lily Evans', ice princess, doesn't cry."

"Ice Princess?"

I roll my eyes. "You think I don't know what people say about me? Potter I _am _the ice princess, it's my job to know."

"You look in a right state." He tells me. "And obviously you do cry. I just watched you."

"No- no I don't. Hardly ever. And don't tell anyone I did. I've only cried in front of Katarina and that was once it will probably never happen again and-"

"Evans, you're rambling again." He points out.

"Er- right sorry."

He sighs and points his wand at my face.

"W-what are you doing?"

He rolls his eyes. "Relax, I'm not going to curse you I'm going to fix your face."

I sigh and close my eyes and I feel his spell wash over me. When I open them James' hand is holding a mirror out to me. I look in the mirror taking in my features, my bright green eyes that resemble emeralds, my full pinks lips, my high cheeks bones that have a tint of color to them that's usually never there and my slight sprinkling of freckles across my nose. I didn't look like I had been crying at all, maybe a little tired, but crying, definitely not. And then I notice my hair and groaned. It was sticking up in all sorts of direction from running my fingers through it. It was most definitely have to go into a pony tail now. I pulled a hair tie from my wrist and placed my hair in a slopping bun at the base of my neck. And then I looked up at James, satisfied.

"Thanks Potter."

He looked like he swallowed his tongue. "It was the least I could do."

And that was the last thing he said. The rest of the three hour detention was in complete and utter silence, but for once, I wasn't bothered by it.

**XX**

**-Katarina's POV-**

I stepped out of the bathroom a towel wrapped around me, the two girls I shared a room with stared at me first with glares and then in surprise. I raised an eye brow and then looked down at my collar bone where a rather large burn mark was.

"Quit staring." I snap at Marlene and Mary.

They turn their heads away quickly as I gather up my clothes and walk back into the bathroom. I slip into my red pajama pants and tight black sweatshirt, not wanting anyone else to see the burn marks covering my upper body. I step out of the bathroom for a second time glancing over towards Lily's bed which was still empty.

_Must not be back yet._

And without looking at the two girls I walk out of the dorm and into the empty common room. Frowning I walk towards the boys dorm and enter without knocking Peter was asleep in his bed, the hangings closed but the beds of Sirius, Remus, and James were empty. I mumbled a silencing charm at Peter's, not really wanting to listen to him snore and also so he wouldn't hear _me _and wake up. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him.

The bathroom door opened and James stepped out his hair still wet from his shower just as mine was. I stared at him for a few seconds, we hadn't really spoken much lately, well without arguing anyway.

"I didn't think you were back." I said finally. "Lily wasn't in her bed."

"She's patrolling I guess, Remus found her and they walked off."

"And Sirius?"

"With a girl, of course." He answers, taking a seat on his bed and staring at me from where I was still standing in the doorway.

I frowned.

So I couldn't be with a boy but he could be with whatever bloody girl he wanted? _Prat._

"Shut the door and come here." James says pulling me out of my thoughts. "I'll braid your hair."

I try not to show my shock. "Really?"

He nods. I shut the door and sit down crossed legged on his bed. He kneeled behind me and began running his fingers through my hair.

It had been years since James braided my hair. He used to all the time when we were younger, it comforted me mostly and he knew that. The last time I remember him braiding my hair was probably the summer after fifth year before we went swimming in the lake behind our house. James was the perfect older brother back then. He always made sure my hair was done nice and if it was cold he made sure I had a jacket on my body, a hat on my head and gloves on my fingers. If anyone bothered me he was quick to end it, even if it was our own mates and when I was upset he was do this and I would feel better and afterwards he would lie down with me, telling me stories and talking to me, until I fell asleep.

"You can be friends with Evans if you want." James says suddenly.

I move my head to face him but he pushes me back and continues braiding.

"What?"

"I know I was bit of an arse before, but if you want to be friends with her then I accept it. Not that you need my permission of course." He adds rather reluctantly.

"I always want your input James." I tell him softly. "_Always."_

"Yeah well, I'll even be _civil _with her, alright?" His voice was hard. "I won't even argue with her."

"What the hell happened in detention?" I ask a realization coming to me. "You're acting different James, I don't-"

"Evans made me understand that I took things for granted. And I realized that I hadn't been the best brother towards you lately." His hands stopped moving on my hair and I turned to face him.

"You're the best brother, James." I say before throwing my arms around his waist pulling him tightly to me.

He sighed into my hair and rubbed up and down my back. I tried not cringe has he went over the burn marks.

"James, what else happened in detention?"

"Nothing." He said quickly.

"James."

"Nothing!"

I pull back and stare at him. "James-"

"Since we're on the subject of being a better brother and all and I agreed for you to be friends with Evans, well I should probably let you know I don't approve of you dating Davies. I don't care if you guys are just friends but call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I won't have some bloke openly cheating on my sister."

"James." I warn.

"I know I don't really have any authority to tell you that but you're my sister and I know you don't like to be told what to do but please Katarina. Don't settle for this."

"You're right." I say stiffly. "You can't tell me what to do and I don't _like _to be told what to do."

I pulled out my wand and summoned the map into my hands. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." The parchment was suddenly covered with dots and rooms, I searched for the names I was looking for. Remus and Lily were in an empty classroom not far from the Gryffindor tower, I noted. But I shook my head and continued searching. The little dot marked **Tom Davies** seemed to be pacing in his common room. The footsteps walked one way and then back and so on. He was thinking I realized and something was most definitely bothering him.

I stood up quickly, kissing my brother on the cheek and headed for the door the map still clutched in my grip.

"Where are you going?" James called after me but I ignored him and walked straight out of the common room.

James said he had no right to tell me what to do and he was right but still I burst into the Ravenclaw common room and broke up with him anyway.

"I think I knew this was coming." He said with a smile. "And to be honest I-"

"Like Katie O'Leary?"

He looked startled. "How did you know?"

"I could just tell, you didn't hide it very well you know." I say with a bit of a smile. "And to be honest I haven't had much time for you anyway. There is no time for me to have any boy. I'm doing things now that are really important, Merlin Tom, I don't even have time to concentrate on my own school work let alone a boy."

"So no Sirius Black in future?" He asks with a teasing smile.

I groan. "Why does everyone think we like each other? Godric, even James is trying to push me with him."

"Because there is something between you two, there always has been. You know it as well as I."

"He's my best friend, Tom. One of my very best friends."

"That you like." He says seriously. "Just admit it to me." He says, grabbing my hands. "It's just you and I no, one else. You can tell me anything."

"I-I-" I shake my head. "I don't know I feel strange sometimes. Especially when I see him with a girl. I get this weird feeling in my chest, this tight pain, I just don't know."

"It's because you're jealous."

"I am never jealous." I say stiffly.

"That's because with me you never had to be jealous and with any other boy you've ever dated. You treat your boyfriends as your play things, they're there when you want them and when you don't anymore, they're gone."

"I just don't do well with relationships, you know that."

"I beg to differ, we had the _perfect _relationship."

A smile tugs at my lips. "We did, didn't we?" I sigh as he smiles back. "Maybe I do like Sirius, and maybe it's more than I ever liked any other boy but I can't right now. I can't do it."

He squeezes my hands. "Tell me."

"I can't Thomas. It's not something I can tell anyone otherwise I would. I can't even tell James."

He nods his head in understanding.

"But it's really important. Really, Really important and right now I can't get involved with anyone. It's too dangerous."

He swallows thickly. "I'm scared for you."

I rub his cheek with the back of my fingers. "Don't be, love. I'm okay, really I'm okay."

He smiles sadly. "So I guess this is it, huh?"

My smile matches his own. "I guess so."

"Let's just make an agreement though, if we're not married by the time we're thirty or something happens to our husband and wife later on in life. If we ever feel like we're alone-"

"We'll get married." He finishes for me.

"We'll get married." I agree. I place my hands on his shoulder. "I love you, okay?"

It's not very often that I tell someone I love them. It's hard for me, never really saying it while I was growing up. I mean I told Harry and Emily and James mostly and Remus every once in a blue moon but never Peter, never Sirius. But Tom is someone that I can say it to whenever. He's my comfort, the boy I've held in my arms all night when he cried after his grandmother died.

"I love you too."

And then he pulls me forward and kisses my gently on the mouth. I kiss him back with all I had, knowing that this would probably be one of the last times, for awhile anyway.

When he pulls away I stand up slowly putting a bit of distance between us.

"This is goodbye?"

I nod. "This is goodbye."

I turn around and start walking towards the door.

"Hogsmeade on Saturday!" He says to my back. "We should meet for butterbeers."

I turn around and smile at him. Who was I kidding, we would never stop talking to each other and he knew that too. "Actually I was thinking Firewhiskey's, Friday, the Hogshead."

"Meet you at the one-eyed witch at eight."

"I'll be waiting." And then wink at him.

I turn back and walk towards the door, pulling it open. I turn around before the door closes and offer him one last smile and one last wave. I see him smile and wave back before the door slams shut.

I sigh and lean against the door before pulling out the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

I search the map for Lily and Remus and smile when I see them walking back towards the Common Room. If I ran I would catch them before they walked in.

"Mischief Managed." I mutter before taking off.

I turned the last corner my breathing labored and saw them giving the password to the fat lady.

"Lily!" I yell out. "Remus, wait!"

"Kat?" Rem asks in surprise turning to face me.

I was bent over slightly at the waist, clutching a stitch in my side. I heard them approach before I saw them.

"What's wrong?" Remus asks, placing a hand on my back.

"Ran." Pant. "all." Pant. "The way." Pant. "Here."

"What for exactly?" Lily asks a grin tugging at her lips.

I glare at her and stand up straight. "Shut up Evans." I say as she finally bursts out laughing.

I wait for her and Remus to calm down.

"Anyway!" I say loudly.

They both stop and turn to me.

"What exactly happened at detention? James was acting strange, told me that we could be friends. He even braided my hair for me." I say pointing to the two French braids on my head. "He hasn't done that in years. He even said sorry for not being a better brother lately. What gives?"

Lily blushes deeply. I raise an eye brow.

"She told our beloved James that she hated him. Said that he had the perfect life and was an arse about it taking everything for granted. She told him he was a mean person. She pretty much just screamed at him." Remus explains to me, his eyes bright.

"Well damn, it really worked." I say clapping Lily on the back. "Good job mate."

"I felt terrible afterwards. I was really mean, but he agreed to be civil with me. He said he'd leave me alone."

I smile and look between the two. "Is that why you guys were in that classroom? Talking about what happened?"

Remus nodded but Lily asked, "How'd you know?"

Remus glanced at me wondering whether or not if I was going to tell her. _I was, _I decided. I pulled the map out of my pocket. Remus tapped his wand against the blank paper and repeated the words, the map forming on the page. She gasped in surprise.

"That's a map of Hogwarts!" She exclaims. "How did you-"

"We created it, third year." I explain. "I was searching for you two before I went to see Tom-" Remus frowned hearing the name. "And then I saw you again after I left, walking back here. That's why I was running."

"Oh, wow. This is really spectacular magic you know."

Remus and I grin. "Oh we know." I tell her.

She rolls her eyes and says the password to the Fat Lady (Flobberworms) and we walked through. The common room was empty except for James who sat in the seat directly in front of the fireplace. He stood up and looked at me.

"Are you mad at me because I said that?" He asks almost nervously, not even glancing at Remus or Lily. "I know I had no right to say it but-"

I smile. "James it's okay." I tell him. "I uh- I went to the Ravenclaw common room and broke up with Tom."

"You what?" Three voices yell in unison.

"I was thinking about what you said James and you were right about both things. That I shouldn't settle and that you most definitely can't tell me what to do. But I _wanted _to do it. Besides, I have a lot going on, no time for a boyfriend."

James and Remus sigh in relief. "Thank Merlin." Remus breathes.

Lily and I exchange an eye roll.

And then it gets quiet…. and extremely awkward. James and Lily were trying to avoid eye contact and Remus and I were trying as hard as we could not to run away laughing.

Lily clears her throat. "Erm, Potter?"

Remus didn't look surprised that Lily was the first one to speak, but I was.

James turned his head in her direction, giving her his full attention.

"I'm sorry about earlier, about the things I said." She shakes her head. "I never got to apologize. The things I said were cruel. I don't know you and I have no right to judge you, even though you have no right to judge me either." She adds in quickly.

Remus coughs loudly and gives her a pointed stare.

_Ah, Remus you sneaky bastard. You quilted Lily into apologizing._

"Right." Lily says glancing away from Remus and back to James. "I am really sorry Potter."

"Don't worry about it Evans." He says with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's really not that big of a deal. You're not the first person to tell me they hated me."

He stares at me then and I smile sheepishly. When I first moved into his house, James and I shared many issues. We fought often and I told him I hated him at least once a day and look at where we are now.

My eyes widen briefly at the course my thoughts have taken. Maybe that's what James needed, someone to make him see differently and if James and I became friends, closer than friends even, maybe there's a chance for Lily and James.

"Right well, I'm off to bed." James says quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kat, Remus-" He stops and looks towards Lily. "Evans."

And then he walks away, leaving Lily with a small smile on her face.

_She'll have him cracked yet. _I thought suddenly. _She'll have him._


	10. Green Flames

**Another chapter finished. Sorry for the wait. Reviews please!**

**Enjoy ;)**

Chapter ten- Green Flames.

The day I finally decide to become single, Sirius gets himself a girlfriend. It's not like he hasn't had girlfriends before but they were few and far in between. And he actually seemed to like this one. She was cute too, short brown hair, big chocolate brown eyes, and a smile with small dimples in her cheeks. She was small, barely coming up to his shoulder, where as I, myself, would have towered over her. I was instantly irritated but I reminded myself that we were best mates _and _that there was absolutely nothing I could do.

"Hello." I said interrupting the pair as they sat by the fire. I held my hand out to the girl. "Katarina Meadows."

She placed her hand in mine and shook it once. "Melanie Abbot." She said with a slight Irish accent.

I give her a smile and turn towards Sirius, "Sneaking girls into the common room are you?" I asked referring to her Hufflepuff robes.

"Of course, don't act as if you haven't done it."

I smirked. "Guilty as charged."

"Anyway, he's treating you okay right?" I ask Melanie, trying to keep her in conversation.

"A perfect gentlemen." She says, as the two share a sickenly sweet smile that makes my insides squirm.

"He better, just let me know if he begins to act up." I tell her. "I'll kick his arse for you."

"As if you could." He snorts.

I reach out a smack the back of his head.

"OW!" He complains.

Melanie laughs and pats his head. "Don't tempt her, love. I think she can take you."

It was hard not to like such a genuinely sweet person, even if she was Sirius' girlfriend.

"Listen, don't listen to what anyone says. They always try and start rumors about Sirius and I because we're best mates and are with each other a lot. But don't mind them at all. We're just friends. I promise you that."

She smiles at me. "Thank you for telling me, but I could already guess that you too are close. I won't let it bother me."

"Good."

"You know," She begins pensively. "You're pretty nice, everyone always says mean things about you but I just don't see it."

I swallow thickly, unable to take the compliment but I give her my thanks anyway. "I'll be going now."

"Where?" Sirius asks, eyeing my outfit which consisted of tight skinny jeans and a glittered tank top. "Isn't a bit cold out for that?"

"Of course not." I mutter, even though he was probably right.

"And you're going where?" He prompts.

"You're acting like her father Sirius." Melanie inputs.

I smile at her but answer Sirius. "Tom and I are going out for drinks."

"Tom?" She asks in surprise. "But I thought you two broke up a few days ago."

"We have, and it was a complicated break-up, one that was completely mutual, but he's one of my best friends."

"That's sweet." She murmurs.

"Yeah real sweet." Sirius says loudly.

I roll my eyes. "Well I'll see you both later." I lean down and kiss Sirius on the cheek. "Fancy keeping this from James?"

He sighs. "Of course mate."

"Wicked." I say walking towards the door. "Good bye Melanie!"

"Later!"

She calls back just as the door slams shut behind me.

**XX**

"She's a bleeding _Hufflepuff!_" I say later that evening to Tom as we sat in the Hogshead for drinks. "And I can't even hate her, she's so bloody nice!"

Tom snorts into his cup. "Yeah, I've met her a few times. Real friendly girl."

"Aren't they all?"

"Who?" Tom asks.

"_Hufflepuffs."_

He begins to laugh. "Oh, right. Actually there is one Hufflepuff by the name of Georgina Anderson and she is downright one of the meanest girls I've ever met!"

I cringe. "I forgot about her, that abdominal bitch." I take back a long shot. "James dated her once, maybe fifth year."

"Did he? I don't remember."

"It was very brief, I believe she hexed him pretty bad because he hooked up with another girl and she walked in." I recall. "I was so proud of him."

"I am too." He agrees, taking a sip of his firewhiskey. "She's deserved it."

"James has detention with Lily, tonight." I tell him. "They had a bit of a row on their first night."

"What about?"

"Something about him being a bighead and that taking his family for granted or something. Didn't really hear the whole story. Just that she told him that she hated him."

"Ouch." He murmurs as he waves the barman down for more drinks. "Well James was always a bit, well he is cruel sometimes-Thanks," he says to the barman as he sets our drinks on the table. "You already know that though." He says picking right up where he left off.

"James." I start hesitantly. "James has some problems that he won't work through and yes it does tend to make him cruel. He just, sometimes he tries so hard and others time he just-" I stop.

"Doesn't?"

I nod. "Yeah, basically." I shake my head and take another large sip. "How are you and Katie?"

"Wonderful I suppose. She told me that she was glad we split. Was real quick to say that too."

I raise an eye brow.

"I did that too and once she realized what she said she said no disrespect towards you. She told me that she actually liked you. She was just happy that _I _was single. Glad to hear it was mutual."

"You have this in the bag." I tell him with a smile.

"I bloody well hope so. I mean don't get me wrong, we had a great relationship but I'm ready for something real."

"I don't have time for something real." And then I finish off the rest of my drink in one gulp.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

James and I walk back to the common room in complete silence. I walked slightly ahead of him, and he walked behind me at a leisurely pace that I envied more than anything. His effortless good looks drove me mad and I wondered how someone like him should even deserve effortless grace.

"Eager to get back to the common room, Evans?" James asks as I speed up my pace.

"It's our last detention, I'm just excited it's over."

"Yes, well, I am as well, but it doesn't mean I'm excited to be back in the common room." He tells me. "It'll be empty anyway. I'm sure everyone is in bed."

I make a noncommittal noise.

"Are _you _tired, Evans?"

"Not particularly." I say not bothering to tell him, that I haven't really slept since my parents were murdered.

"Well I'm not either, let's go to the kitchens." He adds quickly.

I turn around to face him, "_What?_"

He had a confident look on his face. "I said, let's go to the kitchens."

I didn't comment on the fact that he didn't really ask me and that it sounded more of a demand than anything but still I turned my back on him and started walking in the opposite direction.

"Well come on then." I say when I realize he wasn't following me.

He jogs to me, slowing down to a walk when he reaches my side. "You know the way to the kitchen."

"Of course I do, Potter." I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "I am a know it all, after all."

He snorts. "You don't really believe that do you?"

"Of course I do." I answer easily. "I enjoy knowing things most people don't."

"You're being sarcastic right?" He asks, a little unsure.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, Potter. Merlin, I'm not a big-head."

He doesn't answer and it stays quiet until we reach the portrait. I place one finger on the pear and tickle it. It giggles quietly and then the portrait swings open, I step through, Potter right behind me. Instantly I'm swarmed by House Elves.

"Miss Lily! Miss Lily!" A particular one calls.

I lean down and pat her head, "Hullo Tipsy, how are you doing tonight?"

"Just fine Miss, Tipsy is just fine." She squeaks up at me. "What can Tipsy do for Miss tonight? Tea, hot chocolate, or coffee."

"Tea, thanks Tipsy."

The small house elf scurries away.

I looked over to where James was taking to Minky. He was being very polite to the elf which surprised me greatly. He was bent down so they were eye level and the little elf looked thrilled. I couldn't help but smile. Though my smile quickly faded when he looked up at me. He stood then and walked over to the table. I joined him.

"How is it that you know Tipsy?" He asks, his eyes stuck right on mine. "Do you come here often Evans?"

"Oh yes, sir." Tipsy says placing my tea in front of me. "Miss comes in almost every night, and when she doesn't she calls Tipsy up to Gryffindor tower and Tipsy brings her tea!

He raises an eye brow towards me. "You call her up to the tower?"

"Tipsy does not mind sir, for Miss Evans is under lots of stress. She is doing important things sir, very important things." She bows deeply towards me and then walks away.

"How did you swear her to secrecy, she's a Hogwarts Elf." He asks, leaning forward slightly on his seat. I can see every speck of color in his eyes as they glittered from the dim lightly. The amber stood out more than hazel, the very cold hazel and once again I find myself asking, how can such a warm color be so cold?

"She enjoys company and I give her that. Like she said I'm here all the time. I'm not using her Potter." I say stiffly. "If that's what you're asking. I enjoy her company too."

"Because no one else is awake at say, three in the morning?"

I stiffen. "Maybe, but does it matter? It's really none of your business."

"Just like the "important things" you do with _my _sister isn't any of my business."

I smile slightly at his frustration. "In fact, it's _exactly _like that."

He picks up his tea but doesn't drink it. "Kat is reckless. You know that."

I take a small sip of my tea. "I do." I say wondering where he was going with this.

"Obviously I don't know what you two do, but I'd like to ask you to watch her. She tends to think before acting and I don't want it to get her in any trouble."

"James." I say the sound of his first name coming from my mouth felt strange. It left an almost bitter taste. "I do watch her, every time. And maybe she should be the one watching me because I did just lose my parents, but I guess it's nice the other way. Gives me a distraction. I don't let her get into any trouble. Trust me, I'm always cleaning up her messes." I say thinking about the time Katarina ran into the burning building to save a muggle. I went in after her to save her. She came out unscratched. I came out with bad burns all down my back, when a piece of the house fell on me.

_Merlin, was that only last night_? I thought as my back gave a little twinge of reminder.

"What?" James asks.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I asking why your face suddenly went all." He waves his hands toward my face.

I straighten up in my seat and finish off my tea. "Nothing. Everything's fine. You ready to head back?"

He glances down at his tea before nodding.

"See you tomorrow night, Tipsy!" I call as I begin to walk through the portrait.

"Tipsy will be waiting!" I hear her call back. I smile slightly.

"You four get up to something that Kat doesn't know about." I say, half way back to the common room. "Don't you think it's only fitting Kat doesn't tell you what she does?"

I'm not really sure why I brought this up, probably looking for something to say.

"Yes, well-" He stops. "Snape."

"What? What kind of answer is that? Snape?" I look past his shoulder. "Snape." I say finally seeing the black haired boy. My eyes narrow and I push past James. "What are you doing up here in Gryffindor territory?" I snap, my wand falls out of my sleeve and into my right hand. "A little Slytherin like yourself could get hurt."

"Don't Lily." He pleads. "I only came to talk to you. You don't understand-"

"No, _you _don't understand." I poke my wand into his chest. "Remember what happened last time you tried to apologize. I bound you to the wall and you-"

"How did you know that spell anyway." He asks his eyes curious. "That spell it's nothing something _you _should know."

"Why? Because I'm a _Mudblood!_" I yell.

James cringes beside me.

"No!" Snape says quickly. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Why not? That's what I am. Don't act like you haven't called me that before, once to my face and probably a million times behind my back to your so called "friends"."

"Lily I never told _him _where you lived."

I took a few steps back my right hand shaking. "So you admit it. You are loyal to him. To Voldemort!" I spat.

"Lily-"

"Just go." I tell him. "Get out of my sight. I despise _you, _Severus. So just leave before I change my mind and hex you."

"Lily-"

"Go!" I scream and point my wand at him. With a jet of blue light he's thrown back a few feet, slamming hard against the stone floor. He looks up at me once before jumping to his feet and running away.

My hands start to shake and suddenly all I see is red. My heart is pounding quickly in my chest. My wand slips from my hand. "Dammit!" I scream and then punch the wall next to me.

"Evans?" I hear James ask from me behind me.

I whirl on him. "Oh, _now _you finally speak. What about earlier? Couldn't you have stepped in and maybe, I don't know, hexed him for me?"

He regards me calmly. "This wasn't my fight, it was yours." He tells me. "But I'll probably hex him in the hallway or make his potion blow up in his face, or something equally as painful."

I snort out a laugh, despite myself. I look down at my hand and cringe at the blood and the purple bruises already forming. I tap my wand to my hand once and the blood is removed, I tap it a second time and the bruises and cuts are gone.

"You can do healing charms?"

"Of course not." I say looking back up at him. "It's a concealment charm."

"Makes me wonder what else your concealing, Lily."

I stop at the sound of my first name coming from his lips, remembering that I too, earlier, had called him by his first name.

"Nothing." I lie, thinking of the black eye and split lip, that no one could see. "What would I need to hide?"

He doesn't answer, instead he turns towards the Fat Lady. "Wracksprut."

The door swings open and he steps inside. He turns back towards me. "Coming Evans?"

_So I'm Evans again, am I?_

I hesitate only a second before following him in. I glance around the empty common room and my eyes widen as I see an owl sitting on the table near the window, written on the letter was my name.

"How did an owl get in here, Evans is that for you?"

I ignore Potter and move towards the letter, quickly opening it. I recognized Emily's elegant script right away.

_They're coming._

I pull my wand out, muttering _incendio _and the letter burst into flames.

"Evans, what are you doing?" he grabs my arm to make me drop the burning letter so, I don't burn myself. "Evans, what's wrong? Answer me?"

I turn to him and just stare at him. They can't be- how could they know?

I push away from James and swish my wand again. "_Expecto Patronum_!"

A silvery doe appears in front of me and I lean forward in it's ear. "Katarina, they're coming." And then it's running. I stare after it's figure into I can't see it anymore and instantly I'm cold again.

James grabs my shoulders. "Evans, what is it?"

I close my eyes once and when I open them, I take a step back. "Nothing, Potter. Everything is fine."

He looks shocked. "_What? _You were just incoherent for like 5 minutes."

"It's nothing, I was-"

The common room door burst open and in runs Katarina. "Lily, I don't-"

"Where were you?" James demands noticing instantly that something was off.

"Are you drunk?" I ask, before she can answer.

"Yes, but-"

"Then you're not coming. I can't have you going there drunk."

She glares at me. "Lily, I'm going."

"No." I say narrowing my eyes right back at her. "You're not."

"Don't make me duel you Evans."

I smirk and point my wand at her. "I don't care. You're not going!"

"_Protego_!" I yell as I jet of purple light comes my way.

I shoot one back at her that she just blocks. "You're wasting time, Kat. Please just let me go!"

"Lily I-" And then she was frozen.

I glance back at James and see that his wand was out, pointed at his sister. "Go." He tells me.

I nod at him gratefully and run to the fire place. I step inside and point my wand at him. "_Muffilato_!"

He cups his ears as, the buzzing fills them. I smile slightly and then throw down the floo powder. "Order of the Phoenix!"

I stare at James and he watches on as I'm covered in green flames. He nods his head once at me and then I'm gone.


	11. That Strange Connection

**Sorry for the wait, I've had a hard time updating any of my stories because I work so damn much. And for the first time in years I've actually been sleeping. And night is when I usually type my stories. So here's the next chapter. A simple review would be nice.**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter eleven- That Strange Connection.

-**Katarina's POV-**

The first thing I do when I can move is punch James hard in the arm.

"Ow!" He yells. "What the bloody hell was that for?"

"What the-" I throw my arms in the air. "What the bloody hell was that for? For freezing me, you idiot! How dare you?"

"You're drunk, how could you expect me to-"

"I'm hardly drunk and if I was, I'm not anymore. So you're going to go upstairs get me a hangover tonic and I'm going to be off."

"Katarina how could you-"

I point my wand at him threateningly. "GO!"

I didn't have to ask him again. He took off towards the boy's dorm. Shaking my head I sink onto the couch and put my head in my hands.

_How could they have known?_

"Uh, Kat?"

I lift my head not even realizing he was back. I take the potion from his outstretched hands. I don't even cringe as I drink it back, even though the taste was more than foul. I stand up and walk towards the fire place.

"James." I sigh.

He nods his head.

I point my wand at him. "_Muffilato!" _And only after that do I throw the floo powder down and shout my destination, and instantly spin out of sight.

**XX**

When I stepped out of the fire place the whole house was in chaos. Jets of light of all different colors were being shot in all different directions. I spotted the Prewett twins instantly. And it didn't take long for them to notice me.

"Evans said you weren't coming."

I wave them off and step right into battle. The death eaters were relentless, but I wasn't in the best of moods either. I was showing absolutely no mercy and in that moment I felt more like my parents then I ever was.

"_Crucio!_"

I dropped to the floor instantly as the feeling of white hives knives stabbed into my skin. I scream loudly, as the pain had me crippling on the floor.

_Stop. Please just stop. _ I thought in my mind as the pain continued and I briefly wondered just how long I had to be under this curse to go insane. I knew it couldn't have been then a minute but to my body it felt like hours.

"_Stupefy!"_ I hear a voice scream and then the pain was over.

With a sigh I roll onto my back and stare up and into the face of Benjy Fenwick.

"Katarina, are you okay?"

I swallow thickly, still unable to answer as tears drip out of the corner of my eyes.

"Katarina you need to get up you have to- _Protego!_" He yells casting a shield charm as a bright purple light shoots his way. "You need to get up."

My head rolls to the side, unable to force my body to move. I see a death eater approaching and Benjy has no idea.

I open my mouth to tell him but I had no time, in what seemed like slow motion I saw a jet of green light heading towards him and with my legs I tackled him to the floor, the curse going right over his head.

"_Avada Kedavra_!" I shout without thinking.

The spell connects with his chest. He falls over.

_Dead._

And it in that moment, I knew I would be changed forever. I had just killed someone. Taken the life of someone's father, brother, uncle, and husband.

I pushed Benjy off of me and ran towards the man, sliding his mask off his face. He wasn't anyone I had seen before. Just another dead, unknown death eater. Yes, I felt sad but I felt glad too. Glad that I was able to take this person off the earth, this person who's probably tortured and killed innocents for his own amusement.

A hand was placed on my shoulder. "He was just a death eater, Kat." Benjy says.

And I force myself to think, _yeah he's right. Just a death eater._

And then I turn back into battle.

**XX**

Lily found me afterwards, breathing hard and fast, blood pouring down her chin.

"I thought." She stops and takes a deep breath. "I thought I told you not come."

"I've sobered up a bit since then." I tell her.

She sighs and looks at me.

"What?"

She bites her split lip. "It's your Mum."

I stand up instantly. "What about her?" I demand.

"She's been injured, she's on her way to St. Mungo's."

I start to take off towards the fire place, only for her to grab my arm and rip me back.

"You can't go!" She tells me.

"The hell I can't." I tell her, taking my arm forcefully from her grasp.

"There are things that need to be done, we need to move headquarters. Albus said you can go afterwards. Molly is with her now."

"What the fuck, how can he-"

"Katarina." Albus says, stepping towards me. "You will see your mother after, for now we all must talk."

I take the extra wand out of my pocket and toss it towards Dumbledore.

"What is this?" He asks, though I know he already knows.

"I took it off the man I killed." I say nonchalantly as though I wasn't bothered by it. "Figured it will help us to identify him."

He stared at me for a moment, long and hard. "We will discuss this later, come."

He walks away, with a swish of his cloak.

Lily looks at me, but I shake my head unable to speak. She takes my hand and gives it a hard squeeze, letting me know she understood.

"Thanks." I say thickly.

"You're welcome, now let's go get this over with."

The meeting wasn't long, I sat in my chair listening but just barely with a glass of firewhiskey tight in my shaking grasp. Now that the adrenaline has passed, the pain of the cruciatus curse was at its peak.

"Katarina, what do you think of that?"

I drop my glass on the table, shattering it into a million pieces.

"I-"

"Katarina are you alright?" Albus asks, walking towards me.

"I'm fine." I say, even though my head was spinning.

"She was hit with the cruciatus curse, not sure how long she was under before I got to her." Benjy speaks up.

I shoot him a glare.

Lily grabs my arm. "Why didn't you say anything?" She demands.

I shake my head weakly.

"You will be sent to St. Mungo's, but first-" Albus begins. "What do you think off your parent's house being used?"

"I think then James would know, don't you if-"

"They're not your parents!" Dork yells from the right of Dumbledore.

I stare at him confused.

"Not those parents but your _real _parents."

I blink once, and then I pass out.

**XX**

"Kat?"

I hear Gideon speaking to me but I couldn't open my eyes.

"I think she's awake." Fabian says from my left.

"She is not you dolt, why isn't she opening her eyes." Gideon argues.

I struggle to open my eyes, still failing.

"She's trying!" Fabian yells. "Look at her eye lids."

"Boys!" Lily yells, from further away. "Shut up."

"But-" Both boys protest in unison, only to be cut off by Lily.

"She'll wake up when she's ready."

"Why aren't you more worried Evans?" Caradoc Dearborn asks. "You're just sitting there reading your book like-"

"Of course I'm worried, you insolent toe rag." Lily snaps, a book being slammed shut. "She's one of my best friends and-"

"Aw Lils, I'm your best friend?" I croak. "I'm flattered."

I snap my eyes open and Lily runs up to me. She looks over my face and then she frowns.

"Always ready to make a joke."

"Oh shut up." I say in fake heat. "You know you're my best friend too."

She smiles. "How do you feel?"

"Tired or maybe strange." I shake my head. "Definitely strange, like I've been-"

"You were drugged." Dearborn tells me. "It's a pain killer, so I bet you feel pretty numb everywhere."

I think about it for a moment and nod my head. "Yeah I guess I do. Feels kind of cool."

"Yeah well it won't wear off until later tonight. So you'll have to sleep here again-"

"Again?" I cut in.

"Well you were asleep for the whole day-" Fabian begins.

"And missed a full day of classes." Gideon finishes.

"It's eight."

I sit up rim rod straight. "I missed lessons? Where do James and the boys think we're at?"

"Albus wrote them and said that my sister was in a car accident and that we may be gone for a few days."

"Emily!" I suddenly yell, disregarding Lily's comment.

Lily shakes her head. "She's still unconscious which is why Dumbledore told the boys we'd be missing for a few days. He figured you wouldn't want to leave until she was awake."

"What happened to her, you never said and-"

"She collapsed after the battle. They never even told _me _what happened."

I nod my head a shakily throw then blankets off my body. All three boys jump up.

"What are you doing?" Gideon demands.

"You can't get up yet!" His brother yells.

"I am and I will!" I stand up only to fall straight into the arms of Gideon.

"Not sure you will, love." He tells me as he lifts me back into bed.

"But I have too-"

"Shhhh." He says placing a finger to my lips.

"OH!" Caradoc says quickly running outside without a word to anyway. We stare after him and in a few minutes he enters again with a healer by his side.

"Hi, Miss Meadows. I'm Healer Adele." She says shaking my limp hand. "It's a little early for you to be up, so I'm going to have to give you another sleeping draught."

I sigh but openly my mouth obediently. I hardly swallowed the first sip before I was pulled into darkness.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

I peek my head around the door and spot Harry sitting by the bed. His wife's fingers were intertwined with his and his other hand was stroking the beautiful red hair off of her face. He looked- empty. And it was a strange emotion to see on his face. Harry Potter was one of the strongest men I've ever known and to see him looking so broken-

"Lily?"

I step fully into the room a blush covering my cheeks. "Sorry, didn't mean to intrude." I say to Harry. "I was just wondering how she was."

Harry gives me a smile and waves me forward. "Don't worry about it, come in and take a seat. I could use some company."

I smile back and slide into the seat across from him. "Katarina woke up."

Harry perks up a little. "Did she?"

"Yes and freaked out quite a bit. Caradoc had the nurse come back in and put her to sleep."

He smiled fondly. "That's my girl."

"She was worried about Emily." I tell him. "And I didn't have the answers to give her…"

Harry met my eyes and took a deep breath. "Emily's sick." He says finally. "She was older when she got pregnant with James. The healers were worried, made her stay on bed rest all the time. My son, he drained the life out of her." He rubs a hand over his face. "I've never seen her so sick. They thought the birth would kill her, but she pulled through."

"She's a fighter, then."

He nods his head. "She fought hard too. She did a little bit each day and it wasn't until James was almost six that she started to look like her old self. But it's like she's fading away slowly, day by day. She gets skinnier and skinnier and each year she gets more tired. And poor James he- he never got over it."

I look down at Emily unable to meet Harry's eyes. "He thinks it's his fault?"

"Yes." He says simply. "He's blamed himself since he knew how to feel guilty. And no one can talk him out of it. And now Katarina…"

I look up now.

"She feels guilty too. That's why she moved out. Said Emily already had enough to take care off. Especially when Sirius came. But Emily loves those kids so much. I feel like they make her younger, happier."

I reach out and grab Emily's hand. "I bet they do."

Harry's eyes fill up with tears and he blinks his eyes furiously. In an attempt to change the subject he asks. "Do you get along with my son at school?"

I fiddle with Emily's fingers. "Not exactly." I admit. "Well we're starting to. But uh- we kind of got off to a rocky start."

Harry gives off a watery laugh. "I'm not surprised. He's a bit on the arrogant side, got that from his mother you know. She always thought she was the best-"

"That's because I _am_."

Harry and I both jerk our heads down to see Emily blinking up at us, a satisfied smile on her face.

"Oh Em." Harry says softly.

"Well I am." She insists. "And my son should feel like he is too."

I laugh slightly. "I think he thinks it a little _too _much."

"You two butt heads?"

I nod furiously. "Your son is-"

"I know." She says squeezing my fingers. "We think it's because of the guilt he feels. He doesn't easily trust people and he's scared he's going to hurt someone else, which makes no sense to anyone but that's how he feels. And he doesn't want anyone to know how he feels, he always puts on a façade. That, he got from his father." Emily finishes looking up at Harry fondly.

"Well that puts a few things in prospective for me. He wasn't very happy when I started hanging out with Kat. And well he's said some pretty mean things about me and I sort of snapped on him."

They smile at me.

"And he agreed to be _civil._" I say scrunching up my nose. "And well he's actually sticking to his word."

"He'll be in love with you soon enough." Emily says, ignoring the shocked look on my face. "You should have seen him with Katarina. They argued like I had never seen and then one day it just stopped."

"Still unsure of what happened." Harry butted in.

"Me too, to be honest." Emily agrees. "But then they followed each other around everywhere. There was never one without the other. You're exactly what my son needs Lily."

"I-"

"I'm always scared that one day he'll just fade away."

I exchange a look with Harry. Thinking about if anyone was fading away it'd be her.

"But you'd hold him in place, be his rock." She continues. "And he'd hold you." She shakes her head. "I've never seen someone as reckless as you while dueling. And I thought Kat was….but you- you scare me with how much you don't care."

I look at her in shock. "No that is Kat- I don't-"

"But Lily you do." She holds me in place with her eyes. "Your parents wouldn't want you to throw your life away. You're young sweetheart."

Tears drip down my face and I pull my hands away to wipe furiously at my eyes.

"Oh Honey don't cry." Harry pleads. "I'll tell Emily to stop talking. She has that effect on people."

I shake my head. "No it's just- it's been awhile since I've had someone care that much."

"Oh Lily." And then I was pulled into warm feminine arms.

I buried my head in Emily's shoulder and just cried.

"You'll always have someone to care for you." She whispers. "_Always._"

And I couldn't help but wish she was right.

**XX**

Katarina and I returned to Hogwarts three days later, both of us a little worse for the wear. Katarina was still weak from the cruciatus curse from five days earlier, but my injuries were a little newer. There had been an attack just last night, one that neither Emily nor Katarina were permitted to go too. And it had been tough. There were just too many death eaters and at one point I had really thought I was going to die.

The killing curse had skimmed right by my ear, I had flown sideways from the blast and busted up the whole left side of my body.

The first thing I did when we got back was hug James. No one was more surprised than me. I hadn't planned on doing it, but the second I saw him I couldn't help it. Talking to Emily had changed so much about what I thought. And it showed me we had more in common than I thought. Both of us had unintentionally hurt our parents. It was that strange connection that we shared that made me hug him.

A connection he wasn't even aware we had.

And to all of our surprise, he actually hugged me back. His warm hands squeezed my back tightly for a moment before pulling away and looking me in the eye.

"You okay?" He barely asked.

"Yes."

He didn't seem convinced but he nodded and released me anyway, moving on to hug his sister.

Remus shot me a questioning look but instead of answer, I throw my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. I didn't want to answer questions.

A few of my tears leaked onto his shoulder. He didn't pull away.

"Lily." He asked surprised.

I just shook my head against his chest.

_Why couldn't I stop crying?_ _And why did it have to be in front of people._

I wiped the tears from my face the best I could and pulled away. By this point Katarina was sitting on the couch, James next to her and Sirius standing behind the couch, his hands on her shoulders. Peter patted my back once before walking over and sitting on the floor at Kat's feet.

I cleared my throat and they all looked up at me, besides Remus, who hadn't looked away.

"I- um- I'm going to go."

"Lily-" Katarina says, starting to stand up but I shake my head.

"Don't get up Kat, I just have to go do a few things."

She eyed me curiously but sat back down. James stood up and just as it looked like he was about to say something, Remus put a hand on my back.

"Would you like me to come with you?"

James closed his mouth and sat back down.

_Had he been about to offer the same thing?_

But again, I shook my head. It didn't matter who asked. I just wanted to be alone.

"No, thanks." I said with a slight smile. "It won't take me long, I'll be right back."

"Well then, see you when you get back." Sirius' eyes told me he knew I was lying.

Sirius had always known and probably because he lied so frequently himself.

But I nodded my head, like the liar I had come to be, and said, "Okay."

And then I turned on my heel, not giving someone else a chance to call me out on my lie, and walked out.

Heading towards the only place I knew I could go,

The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.


	12. Don't Take This the Wrong Way

**Another chapter.**

Chapter twelve- Don't Take This the Wrong Way.

-**Katarina's POV-**

Lily had been taking her almost death experience hard. She had never looked death in the face, so to speak, and when she did, she didn't like what she saw. Lily never came back in the common room that night. In fact I didn't see her until first lesson and she looked horrible. Her eyes had been bloodshot, rimmed red, from lack of sleep and she looked paler than she normally did.

I didn't know what to say to her.

And really, what could I say to her? Nothing anyone said wasn't going to help. I knew she needed to get through this on her own but it was hard for me to watch. It was hard for everyone to watch, especially when the boys had no idea what had happened.

"She's losing it Tom." I say a few nights after the incident in the common room. "She's really losing it."

"But why?" He asked, rubbing up and down my arms. "Why is she losing it Katarina? What happened?"

We both knew I wasn't going to answer that. Instead I buried myself in his arms and sighed loudly. "There's nothing I can do to help."

"Well have you tried talking to her?"

He took my silence for an answer.

"Talk to her." He urged.

"And say _what?_"

"Well I wouldn't know Katarina." He said stiffly. "You won't tell me what happened, remember?"

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "That's not going to work Tom."

He gave a half shrug. "It was worth a shot."

"What was?"

I pull my head from Tom's shoulder and turn to see Sirius standing behind the couch.

"What was worth a shot?" He repeats, his eyes staring at Tom, completely ignoring me.

"I was trying to get Kat to tell me what's been going on lately." He answered smoothly, seemingly unperturbed by Sirius' glare.

Sirius laughed. "If she wouldn't tell me, I _doubt _she'd tell you."

Tom sent a smirk back and stood up. "I wouldn't be too sure, mate." And then he bent down and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you later, love."

I smile at him. "I'll see you."

He nodded once to Sirius and walked away.

"Oh and Kat?"

I looked away from Sirius' hard face and towards Tom.

"Don't stress too much, it will all work out. And remember what I said. _Talk to her._"

"I'll try." I mumble out pathetically.

"Do more than try." He says with a stern look.

I give a little chuckle. "Yeah, yeah."

"Love you." He calls right before walking out the door.

The door slams shut.

"Love you too." I say quietly under my breath.

Sirius jumps over the back of the couch landing right beside me. "Do you never say that to anyone's face?"

"Huh?"

"You waited until he left to say 'love you too'. Why didn't you say it to him?"

I sigh. "I didn't mean too. It was an accident. It's not like I did it on purpose."

"Now _that's _a bullshit lie."

"I just wasn't raised that way." I snap. "It's not really important. You all know I love you. I don't have to say it."

He holds up his hands. "Fine, fine. I'll drop it."

"Thank you."

"You and Tom are still pretty close, yeah?"

I give him a sharp look. "That wasn't the best subject change."

"Well are you?"

"Yes. Tom and I are still very close. And we probably always will be close. He's a very good friend."

"And that's all he is?" He presses.

I stand up. "Merlin, Sirius." I snap. "You're really pressing for an argument tonight. What is your problem?"

He stands too. "You, you're my fucking problem!"

"Don't speak to me that way!" I yell. "And I did absolutely nothing to you. _Nothing_!"

"Yeah except for running off all the damn time and scaring your brother and _my _best mate to death. Not to mention scaring the rest of them. And then Lily comes back looking like a _fucking _zombie! And neither of you are talking and you just-"

"What's going on here?"

We both turn around to see Lily staring at us, her face with more emotion on it that I have seen in days. And she didn't look happy.

_She was pissed._

"You two are always fucking fighting! I can't stand it. Sirius grow the fuck up, there are something's that you can't know and stop being such a hypocrite. We all know there's something you're not telling us. And Kat, I'm _fine_. If anyone you should be worrying about yourself what with-" Her hands start to shake terribly.

Sirius takes a step towards her. "Lily?"

"Fine." She mumbles. "'M fine." And then she collapses on the floor in front me.

**XX**

I was pacing back and forth in front of the hospital wing doors after forcefully being thrown out by Poppy.

"Could you please stop moving?" Peter asked, slightly irritated. "You're making me bloody nervous."

"And you think I'm not?" I demand of him, stopping to look him in the eye. "You think I'm not nervous- you have no idea. No idea what the hell happened and I swear to Merlin if you even _think-"_

"Katarina, she's awake and asking for you." Poppy says sticking her head out of the door, effectively cutting me off.

I sigh in relief. And push through the open doors, leaving the boys staring after to me.

I rushed towards her bed. "Lily."

She looked up at me, her expression nervous.

I opened my mouth to yell at her but I couldn't do it. Not when she had color on her cheeks for the first time in days. Not when she finally looked _alive._

"I couldn't sleep Kat." She said finally.

I dropped into the chair by her bed, my bag falling uselessly to the floor.

"Every night when I closed my eyes I saw _them _being murdered. I just couldn't-" She shakes her head. "And then the other night when I almost-"

I coughed suddenly, trying to get the image out of my head.

"I just- I keep seeing the green light flying at my head. And I'm scared. What if we die Kat? We've been so reckless, so naïve. What if we _die_?" She stresses the word.

"Then we die." I answer seriously. "We knew what we were getting into when we signed that paper, we knew that there was a chance that we could die. But we're strong Lily. And because we're young we're quick and agile and it gives us an advantage. And we know magic, more than most people our parents age. We can do this Lily. We can _survive_."

"Do you really think so?"

I swallow thickly and nod my head. "I do."

She breathed in deeply. "Good- and Kat?"

"Yeah?"

"About that death eater that you-"

I stiffened instantly.

"His name was Rob Jackson and he had sons, twins, and they're too young to even miss him."

I closed my eyes when they began to sting. "Why would you tell me this?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't want me to lie to you."

I nod my head. "Thanks."

She squeezed my hand once and then let go.

"Can we come in now?" Remus asked, he head peeking in the door.

"Yeah sure." Lily said loudly, her voice hoarse.

Remus smiled and then one by one the boys walked in and over to where we were sitting.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked, sitting down on the bed next to hers.

"Better." She mumbles. "I'm feeling a lot better."

"Good because-"

"What were you thinking?" Sirius finally demands. "How could be so selfish?"

"Sirius-" I start angrily.

"No, shut up Katarina." He says instantly. "Lily didn't you care about who you'd be hurting if you did that? Didn't you care about what we would have felt? You hurt yourself. You weren't eating, you weren't sleeping! You could have been seriously sick and you didn't even _think _about-"

"I'm sorry." She says quietly.

"Don't apologize to him." I snap. "Sirius you're-"

"Don't act like you didn't come in here wanting to do the same thing. I saw your face when she collapsed. You were terrified."

"I-"

"Kat?" Lily asks.

I clear my throat. "It's different then when we're doing our-" I look around the room. "'Things" but this time- I had no idea what was wrong with you. Just- don't do that again."

She nods her head. "I really am sorry."

"No need to apologize." Peter says, giving Lily a little pat on the hand. "We know you won't do it again. And I'm sure you had a very good reason."

Lily smiles. "That was very insightful Peter, thanks."

He smiles too, his face turning a dark shade of red.

I laugh into my hand, trying to make it sound like a cough. Remus did the same. And James, James didn't do anything. In fact he hadn't even spoken yet, let alone even _look _at Lily.

"So did I miss anything interesting?"

"Not really." Remus says automatically before snapping his fingers. "Actually you did."

I raise an eye brow. Had I missed something too?"

"Yeah?"

Remus nods. "Snape found out that you were in the hospital wing and he tried to come and visit you. Well Pron-_James_ snapped and-"

James coughed suddenly.

Remus kept on. "And starting hexing him. Snape tied up somewhere, invisible so no one can find him. Thought you'd like the thought of that."

"Of course I do." Lily starts. "You know how much I hate-"

"Katarina?"

Lily stops suddenly and we all whip our heads toward the door.

Regulus stood in the doorway, his face blank.

I stood suddenly. "Reg? What is it?"

I just knew something was wrong.

"Could I speak to you for a moment?"

Sirius cleared his throat loudly.

"Of course." I say quickly, grabbing my bag off the floor and swinging it on to my shoulder.

I look towards Lily.

"You understand, right?"

She smiles. "Regulus needs you, go on. I'll be fine here."

"I'll come by a little later, okay? Poppy says you need to stay the night."

She waves her hand. "Regulus is waiting."

I roll my eyes, ignoring the expressions from the boys and walk over to Regulus.

"Bye!" I call out, before following him out the door.

"Kat." His face is now nervous.

I move closer to him and place my hand on his cheek. "Reggie, what's wrong?"

"I know that Evans is a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

I stop dead and remove my hand from his face. "_Excuse me?_"

"We all know, because- because it was Rosier who almost killed Evans the other night."

My blood ran cold. "Rosier? Evan Rosier?"

He nods. "Yes."

My hands started shaking. "I'll kill him. I swear to Merlin I will."

And then I took off running, ignoring the way Regulus screamed my name from behind me.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

"I hate my damned brother, always interrupting. And Kat- she just- she goes with him!"

"Sirius they're friends." I say patiently, sitting up slightly.

"Don't act like you're not against it." He snaps. "Don't you remember our conversation, before we were even friends? Last time you were in _here?"_

"What conversation?" Remus asked, his eyes curious.

"It doesn't matter." I tell them quickly. "She'll learn for herself, like I said before."

"But you're her friend." He says in disbelief. "Why wouldn't you tell her-"

"Sirius. You can't fight with her and against her at the same time."

"But I-"

"Lupin."

Regulus was back and this time his face showed everything he was thinking. He was terrified.

"What?" Rem asks sharply.

"I need you."

We were shocked into silence.

"Me?" He asks, blinking his eyes. "What for?"

"It's Kat. She's- I'm afraid she's going to do something. And she listens to you. I won't be able to stop her."

Remus stands instantly. "Where is she?"

"I believe she's headed for the Slytherin common room."

"She's doesn't have the password." Peter reminds them. "You still have time."

"She does." Regulus says slowly. "She's been there with me plenty of times."

"My sister has been in the common room, with _you_?" James ask, speaking up for the first time. "What the hell was my sister doing in the snake pit with _you?_ He roars.

"Stuff it Potter." Regulus snarls. "We need to go now!"

Remus starts moving towards the door, Peter following him out.

"Don't bother coming Sirius." Black tells him.

"What?"

"You'll only argue with her anyway. What's the point?"

"Fuck you Regulus." Sirius says slowly. "I'm coming."

When James starts to follow, I stand up too with every intention of going.

_I _knew how to take care of Katarina when she got like this. And I knew Regulus wouldn't come and ask for help unless she was going to do serious damage. Unless she was going to kill someone. But why, what motive did she have?

"Evans, _no_." Regulus says, causing all the boys to turn and look at me.

"Lily get back in bed. You can't come." Rem orders.

"I can and I will." I say defiantly. "The second you all leave I'll just follow you anyway."

Remus pinches the bridge of his nose. "We're wasting time. Someone stay with Lily so she can't leave. Maybe Pe-"

"I'll stay." James says suddenly. "You go on, I've cleaned up enough of her messes." And then he walked back over to me.

Sirius eyed him briefly before turning and following the rest of the boys out the door. The door swinging madly behind them.

James sat beside me, looking everywhere but me.

"Potter-" I start but he started talking over me.

"I was scared did you know that?" He asks, half hysterically. "I was _actually _fucking scared. When Sirius came in the common room and told me that you had collapsed. I- and then I saw you. Katarina was kneeling next to you, her face as pale as the day that her parents were murdered. And I- I was scared. You were white and cold. You looked dead. Do you understand Evans?"

"James why?"

"Because that day you told me you hated me, I knew I would never be able to leave you alone."

"Why because I'm a challenge to you? You wanted to make me like you?" I snap.

"No, because I _admire _you." He says without a trace of embarrassment. "I admire what you stand for."

I was shocked. "You admire me?"

"I do." He says simply with a little shrug.

"Potter I-"

"James." He interrupts. "Call me James."

I smile softly. "Only if you call me Lily."

He gives me a half smile back. "Alright then."

"James?"

"His lips twitch again. "Yes, Lily?"

I hesitated. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, so many things that I thought he should know but I stuck with the only thing I could say right now without giving myself away.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are truly amazing person." He looks at me through his lashes, the hazel in his eyes warming considerably. "And I would be glad to learn more about you. And I would be glad if we could be-" I stop for a second and stare into his eyes. "Friends?"

James slowly placed his hand on top of mine. It was large and my whole body warmed instantly on contact. "Okay."

"Okay?" I ask.

He nods and removes his hand. I settle back into the bed and close my eyes for a moment, thinking only of Emily.

Emily's right. I am reckless, I want more than anything to be by Katarina's side fighting with her. Even when I don't know anything about it. I would take that risk. But then I think of James. James who is so scared to lose anyone, so scared to hurt someone so I stay here. James would be my rock from now on, and I'd be his.


	13. Secrets Shared, Secrets Kept

**An another chapter, I'm really on a roll with this stores. I already started writing the next one, so expect it soon! Simple reviews would be nice. Thanks for all the alerts and such and of course thanks for reading! It means a lot.**

**-smithchickx13**

**P.S. I own none of these characters except Katarina and the rest of the OC'S, all the others belong to the lovely J.K. Rowling. **

**ENJOY!**

Chapter thirteen- Secrets Shared, Secrets Kept.

-**Katarina's POV-**

I was murderous as I ran from the hospital wing. I was seriously considering murder. That was the plan. Actually, it was the only plan. Use the password, get into the Snake Pit and call Rosier down from his room and murder him. I wouldn't even give him a chance to explain. It was the only option.

How dare he try and kill my best friend? Muggle-born or not she's one of the most talented witches I had ever met. Three times more talented than Rosier. And his blood was pure. He _is _a death eater. That's now clearly been shown. And need I say it again? He almost killed my best friend. If that's not reason enough I don't know what is.

There was no one in the corridors that night, no one for me to push past or run into, my path was clear. It was a sign, obviously.

I reached the slytherin common room in no time but now for the password. It changes every five hours, like a cycle. But what time was it? How would I know when the password changed?

"_Purity."_ I stated clearly.

The door did not move.

"_Salazar."_

Nothing.

"_Pureblood."_

Nothing.

"_Mud-blood._" I spat the word, a curse on my lips.

The door swung open.

_How fitting._ I couldn't help but think. _Isn't that word one of main reasons I was here?_

When I stepped into the room, there were only a few people scattered around. Those who had not yet gone to bed. I walked loudly, not bothering to hide my steps and stood on the table in the middle of the room. A few people noticed me then, gasping loudly and shouting about a Gryffindor being in their common room.

I placed my wand to my neck. "_Sonorous._" I thought in my head before speaking. "Evan Rosier, you are being summoned to the Common Room. Do not bother hiding like the cowardly Slytherin you are, if you do not come down within the next three minutes, I will come to you. And if you haven't yet realized who _this _is, let me clear that up for you. It's Katarina Meadows." I look around the room again.

Some of the people were only second and first years. I made my choice then, I would not torture or kill him publicly.

"Anyone that is still remaining in the common room within the next three minutes will answer to me. I suggest, you leave." No one moved. "SCRAM!" I shouted, my voice echoing off the walls.

That made them move. They all jumped to attention running up the stairs. I smiled victoriously. And I smiled even more widely as I noticed Rosier make his way down the stairs but he wasn't alone. Behind him were Mulciber, Avery, Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Snape.

_Hadn't James left him in abandoned corridor?_

"Think you'd have a better chance if you brought some friends?" My voice was now back at its normal volume. "Because, I don't think you will." I tell him truthfully.

"What is it that you want?" Rosier asks taking a step forward. "Why come to our common room?"

"Because Evan, I know you found out about Lily being a member of the Order. And I came to-"

"How?" He cut across me sharply.

"That is a different matter, one that I'm not here to address." I say coolly. "But I do have some more information for you. I, myself, am I member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"Why you sick little bitch!" Bellatrix snarls. "I knew you like _mud-bloods_, but to protect them like this? To join _their _side?"

"Haven't you learned anything about me over the years? I despise all of you equally and I would never want to hurt or torture a group of people more than I do you. And if you thought for a second that I wouldn't fight against _your _master, _Voldemort. _Then you're crazy."

"You're going to lose bitch." Rosier says slowly, his eyes burning in rage. "You're going to lose."

"And if I do, I really don't think you'll be alive to see it." I say nonchalantly, twirling my wand in my hands. "You tried to kill my best mate. And now," I grin. "I'm here to kill you."

**XX**

-**Remus' POV-**

"What exactly do you think she's going to do?" I ask as we sprint at full speed towards the Slytherin common room.

"She's going to murder Rosier." Regulus tells me, his breathing labored.

"She wouldn't actually kill him." Peter says automatically. "She's not stupid. She's not-"

"You didn't see _her_!" Regulus snaps. "And she has a perfectly good reason, but I do _not _want to see her get expelled or arrested over _them._ They're not worth it."

"If you think it's not worth it then you don't know Katarina, little brother." Sirius says, speaking up for the first time since leaving the hospital. "On the contrary, Kat would think it was very much worth it."

Regulus chose not to answer.

When we stopped in front of the door, Regulus hesitated before giving the password.

"Come on then!" I say pushing him forward slightly at hearing the noise behind the door. "Give the damn password!" I shout.

"It's-" He stops again and his face blanks. "_Mud-blood._"

"Oh that's just fucking rich!" I snap.

Sirius curses madly behind me.

But he falls silent as we catch sight of the common room.

Katarina was standing on the table in the middle of the room. She had her wand raised high, swirling it around, water flying about the room. The windows were broken but water wasn't pouring into the common room like it should have been, the water was in her control. Instead it was only following her wand movement, strips of it wrapping around each Slytherin holding them in place. She stopped then and sealed the windows. Then she placed her wand to her lips and blew softly on the tip, rotating so she could do it towards each Slytherin and slowly one by one they were frozen in their spot.

"You fucking blood traitor!" Avery screamed. "You'll pay for this!"

"No, _you'll _pay." She snarled.

I made a move to step forward but both Black brothers held me back. I was shocked enough to look at them and see them communicating silently with just looks.

"You're disgusting you-"

"Shut up Half-blood!" She screamed at Snape.

I brought my attention back to her. I knew she only said half-blood because she knew it would hurt him. Not because she cared about blood purity.

They all started screaming at once, cursing her name.

"SILENCE!" She yelled, followed by a loud bang and now their mouths were moving quickly but no sound was coming out.

_Wandless magic, Kat?_ _Impressive. _I couldn't help but think. Something was wrong though. I mean I knew she could duel but I've _never _seen her like this. It's like she didn't even know what she was doing herself.

"Now for you, Evan." She says jumping down from the table and walking towards the said boy. "I'm going to kill you."

It seems like Rosier was the only one not silenced. "Here, in Hogwarts? Have you gone mad, Katarina?"

"I've always been mad. And it wasn't enough that your father murdered my parents."

I heard Sirius gasp behind me.

_I had never known that._

"It wasn't enough that you held that over my head every time you saw me. And it wasn't enough that you said I was next, that when I got out of school your father and _you _would kill me too. But then you had try and kill my best mate? Mess with me? Fine. You want to kill me? Fine. Go ahead and try but stay the _fuck _away from my friends."

I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief, why had she never told us any of this? Why would she keep it all to herself? She always just said she was fine and I always believed her, but never again. Not after this.

"You're not going to kill me, are you?" He asked quietly. "You haven't got the nerve." He was mocking her.

She ran a hand through her hair and thrust her wand up at his throat.

Time froze in that moment and it felt like none of us could move. Even Regulus stood back, though his friend was about to be murdered by someone, though I didn't like to admit it, that he thought of as a sister. We couldn't have moved even if we wanted to. Time seemed to go slow too, it felt like hours had passed as we waited for the curse to leave her lips and I couldn't say that I would hate her for it. In my mind, this boy, Evan, he deserved everything coming to him. But one question lingered in my mind.

Which of her _best mates _had he tried to kill?

Kat screamed in frustration, tugging on the chunk of hair she had been holding. And then- "_Stupefy!"_

I let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding.

She didn't do it. She didn't kill him.

Regulus looked at me. I took a step forward. "Kat?"

She whipped around quickly, her wand pointed at my chest. Her green eyes were ice, completely frozen over and for a moment she didn't recognize me. And then a second later, her breathing slowed down and her eyes melted into the green I loved so much. Her wand lowered and slipped to the floor.

"Remus?" Her hand was shaking. "What are you doing here?" Then she noticed the others. "Peter? Sirius? _Regulus?_" He voice was in disbelief.

Regulus waved his wand and his friends melted, and they stood there soaking wet. And then suddenly all their wands were pointed at her back.

"Katarina!" Sirius warned but she didn't have enough time to turn around.

I whipped my wand out and slashed it quickly through the air, the spells bouncing off the shield with a loud crack and went back to each one of their senders knocking them unconscious.

She placed a hand against her chest. "Thanks." She said to me.

My own heart was racing and I swallowed thickly. "Anytime."

She picked up her wand and began to walk towards us.

"What were you thinking?" I demanded off her finally gathering my thoughts. "How could do this? You were going to _kill_ him."

"But she didn't." Sirius said quickly. "That's what's important, right? She didn't kill him Remus."

"You could have been expelled, arrested. Gotten killed yourself!" I gripped her shoulders hard as she made to move past me. "You want to kill someone, _fine._ But next time don't you dare go without _me._"

She looked up and into my eyes. "You would have come with me?" Her own eyes filled up with tears.

I squeezed her shoulders. "Always."

She threw her arms around me in quick hug and kissed me hard on my cheek.

"Kat." Regulus began.

She pulled away from me and her face turned hard again. "Don't."

"Kat I-"

"You were trying to save your friends. You didn't give a _damn _about my feelings." She began to push past us but Regulus grabbed her wrist and forced her to face him.

"Would I have brought your friends with me if I hadn't thought about _you_?"

She took a deep breath and quickly kissed his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, Regulus."

He dropped her wrist and let her leave.

"Thanks." Regulus said quietly. "It could have gone bad."

"You didn't move." Peter stated quietly. "When she was going to kill him, you didn't-"

"None of you lot did either." He said defensively.

"Well he's not our friend." Sirius snapped.

"She never told me any of that stuff she said to him. I didn't know he said those things to her."

I shook my head. "I'm going after her, coming Pete, Sirius?"

"I'll meet up with you later."

And then he turned all his attention to his brother.

I nodded and quickly left the common room.

"Where do you think she went?" I asked looking back and forth between the two hallways.

"Hospital wing, of course." Wormtail said quickly.

"Of course." I agreed.

And the rest of the walk was made in silence.

**XX**

**-Katarina's POV-**

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't kill him. The boy who had tortured me for months, the boy who had threatened to kill me multiple times. The _death eater_ that had tried to kill my best mate. But I couldn't do it. When I was staring down at him and he was mocking me, I just- I saw the face of the man I had killed almost two weeks ago. And I realized that I wasn't going to kill him.

I slammed open the hospital wing doors, loudly stomping towards Lily's bed. James shot up immediately.

"Be quiet." He hissed. "She's sleeping."

"Not for long." I said, not bothering to lower my tone.

"Katarina-"

"Lily, get up!"

"Kat-"

"James shut up! Lily!" I yell again.

She jumps to attention, her eyes staring at me. The weight of what just happens hits me full force and sink down in the chair and cover my face with my hands.

"James, do you mind stepping outside for a few minutes-"

"Kat!" A voice screams from behind me.

But I don't bother to look. It was Peter, I'd know his voice anywhere but at the moment I didn't want to speak to anyone but Lily. And she knew that.

"Boys." She demanded. "Out!"

"But-"

"Out! I'll call you back in after we're finished speaking."

They all mumble things under their breath but I hear the hospital wing door open and close.

"_Muffilato."_ Lily whispers and I know she pointed her wand at the door so the boys couldn't eavesdrop.

"Kat." She starts tugging on my hands. "Kat, look at me. What happened?"

I let her pull my hands away from my face. "Rosier is the one that tried to kill you."

"E-Evan Rosier?" She stutters out. "So he knows- he knows I'm a member of the order."

"They _all _know." I correct. "And I went to their common room and I- I told them that I was a member too."

"Kat!" She says surprised, then angry. "Why would you do that?"

"There wasn't any particular reason." I say stiffly. "And I don't have to give you a reason anyway. I just did."

She eyes me for a moment before sighing.

"And then, then I tried to kill him."

"Kat-"

"I had them frozen in their spots, they couldn't move and they couldn't talk. But Rosier- Rosier could. And I begin to tell him things, and then I put my wand to his throat." I stop and shake my head. "And I couldn't _do it._ I tried so hard, I wanted to do it so bad- but I _couldn't. _And I know I should have but-"

"Kat." She says, making me look at her. Her green eyes met me head on, her face with a small smile on it. "I'm glad. You don't have to kill him for me. You could have been expelled or arrested and then where would I be?" She gives a little laugh. "You're my partner Katarina, and I need you around. Otherwise I'd have to be with your sister or- or _Moody_ and what fun would that be?"

I snort. "Not fun, I'd say."

"Exactly. So Kat, no more trying to kill people in their common rooms, yeah?"

"Death eaters." I correct.

"No more killing _death eaters_ in their common rooms." Then she smiles. "We wait until we're out of school for that."

"Really?"

She nods. "And now I have my eyes on Rosier. He's not going to get away that easily."

I sigh in relief, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"And now we have to tell the Order what happened."

And the weight was back on.

"Not tonight?" I ask hopefully.

"Not tonight." She agrees. "Tomorrow."

**XX**

"Kitty Kat?" I turn around and see Remus walking up behind me.

It was quiet in the common room, seeing as before a few seconds ago I was the only one in it. Lily and James were patrolling and Sirius was with his _girlfriend_ and Peter was sleeping. So that left me, sitting in front of the fire.

"Hi." I say softly and pat the spot next to me.

I turn back to the flames, already knowing Remus would sit down.

"You- you said some things today to Rosier." He begins and then sighs. "Why did you never to any of us Kat? Why didn't you ever tell _me? _ You know I always keep your secrets. If he was bothering you I could have-"

"You could have what?" I ask, not bothering to look at him.

"I could have found a way to stop it. He won't get the chance to kill you Kat, because I'll- I'll kill him first."

I finally look at him, a smile forming on my lips. "Get in line, there's already a few people out for his death."

He smiles too and then frowns. His amber eyes glowing against the fire.

"Rem?"

"Who were you talking about earlier- which one of your mates did he try to kill? Which one of _my _mates?" He asks, stressing the "my" to remind me that we both had the same friends.

"You'll keep this between us, yeah?"

"Always."

"Lily." I whisper. "It was Lily. The killing curse skimmed her ear."

He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head on them. "I thought so." He said after a moment. "I thought so, but I didn't want to _think_ it."

I bite my lip.

"That's why she's been so different, right? That's why she hugged James and that's why she cried when she hugged me?"

I nod my head.

"When- why?"

I clench my jaw shut as tears sting my eyes.

"Katarina?"

"I can't tell you." A tear slips down my cheek. "I can't tell you Remus and Merlin, I want to. I want to tell _you _more than anyone. Because James will just yell and Sirius will pick an argument, Peter won't understand, and Tom- Tom will be terrified. But you- you'll understand. I know you will."

He grabs my shoulders. "So tell me, Kat." He begs. "Just tell me. Maybe I could help. Do something, anything."

More tears slip down. "I was sworn to secrecy. I can't Remus- I just can't tell you."

He's hands drops from my shoulders and he stands suddenly. "Right- well when you _can _tell me. Come find me."

And he started walking away.

"Remus!" I call after him. "Remus, please!"

But he doesn't answer. He walks up the boy's staircase leaving me all alone, again.

I bury my head in my knees and cry.


	14. Moony

**Hiiii there, Just realized I made a mistake in my last chapter. There was no way Lily could have been patrolling with James for she was in the hospital wing. Wow, can't believe I over looked that. Sorry if there was any confusion!**

**Thanks for all the reviews, keep em' coming and enjoy the next chapter!**

**Thanks again!**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter fourteen- Moony.

**-Katarina's POV-**

I stood in front of the boy's staircase, my hand nervously tapping at my side. Would he talk to me? Or would he act like the conversation never happened. I could only guess, because with him you'd never know. He wasn't an open book; it always took me a long time to read him, longer than it took me to read anyone else. Maybe that's why I always admired him. And maybe that's why I sometimes hated him, too.

Peter walked down the stairs first. "Hey Kitty Kat." He greeted with a large smile.

I did my best to smile back. "Hey Pete."

My voice sounded lame, even to my own ears.

Sirius was next. "Kitty." He whispered before kissing my cheek.

And then, Remus. Our eyes met for a second and then he turned his head away.

"Hi Remus." I said softly as he was walking past.

He ignored me.

I turned around quickly and stared at his back. "Remus!" I called out.

He still didn't turn around.

"What's going on with you and Rem?" James voice says, near my ear.

"Nothing- nothing's going on." I say quickly.

"He completely ignored you, is that why you were- OI! Remus!" He called loudly.

This time he did turn around.

"Yeah, mate?"

"Are you the reason, Kat was crying last night?"

Remus' eyes flickered to me for a brief second. "Crying?" He shrugged. "If she was crying, she did that all on her own." He shook his head in what could have only been disappointment and then walked out of the common room.

I hung my head.

So he was going to ignore me, it seems.

"Don't worry about him, love." Peter says, clapping me on the back. "Just his time of the month." His attempt at a joke didn't make me smile.

I slowly nod my head.

"He'll come around." Sirius tried. "He loves you, you know he does."

"Whatever let's go-"

"Hey!" Lily's voice says from in front of us. "I just saw Remus, he looked a bit down and I was wondering if- Kat?" She asks, noticing the expression on my face. "What is it?"

I open my mouth but quickly close it.

"Remus and her got into a disagreement, that'll be my guess." Peter says. "Not sure what it's about though, neither are talking."

"That's because we just found out, stupid." James says rolling his eyes slightly. "What did he do Kat? I don't care if he's my best mate, I'll hurt him. You know I will."

"This isn't a battle you have to fight James." I tell truthfully. "And who said he did something wrong? Maybe it was my fault."

"Maybe, or was it?" James asks.

"It was. So you probably should be hurting me on account of Remus."

His eye brows disappear into his hairline but it was Sirius who spoke. "What did you do?"

"Well I-"

"Excuse me." A little voice interrupted. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a hufflepuff outside, says she's your girlfriend. I don't know if-"

"Brilliant!" He says, clapping the little boy on his shoulder. "Thanks Mate, Kat we'll talk later-"

"But-"

He ran off quickly, the door slamming shut behind him.

I sigh again.

I notice Lily look at James and I turn my head quickly and see James looking back.

_Were they silently communicating about me? And since when do they communicate at all? Let alone silently?_

"Knock it off, I'm fine." I snap. "It's just going to be a bad day is all." I explain. "I just feel it."

**XX**

"Miss Meadows."

My head shoots up from the desk.

"Care to explain why you're taking a nap in my classroom?" McGonagall asks me, her face twisted into a stern expression.

Everyone's head turns in my direction. Except Remus. Remus kept his forward. He sat just to the left of me, a row ahead of mine. Lily sat next to him. She gave me a slight smile.

"Miss Meadows!" McGonagall yells. "I believe I asked you a question."

I take my eyes off of the back of Remus' head briefly and look to her. "I-" My eyes shift back and forth between them. "I have to go." I decide.

Her eye brows raise into her hairline. I stand up quickly and throw my bag over my shoulder. I had never even taken my book out.

"Excuse me?"

"I-I just have to go." I repeat and turn on my heal, heading towards the door.

Tom squeezes my hand in passing.

"Miss Meadows!" McGonagall calls after me. "Miss Meadows!"

But I don't answer her, I push open the door and shut it softly behind me, her voice still calling my name.

**XX**

"He won't talk to me." I slur slightly. "Won't even look in my direction."

"I understand." Arthur says, patting my hand softly. "But you knew you wouldn't be able to tell them, you knew-"

I take my hand out from under his and grab the bottle of fire whiskey, drinking it straight, not bothering to pour it in my glass.

"Kat, maybe you should-" He wrestles the bottle from my hand. "I think you should stop."

I pout when he finally grabs the bottle and vanishes from sight with a flick of his wand.

"He's going to talk to you again, he's your best mate." He reminds me. "And from what I've heard of you five- there is no way that he'll stay mad for long."

"There is no 'us' five." I tell him. "Everyone always thinks that, but it's different."

He looks at my strangely and I point my finger at him.

"But to Sirius and Peter I'm just James' little sister. They've been looking out for me since day one. And those four have secrets of their own. And while they might be my best mates, I'm not theirs. Except Remus." I sit back a little and give a sad smile. "Remus was my friend. He always kept my secrets from the boys. And he- he just was there all the time."

Arthur smiles too. "Then if what you say is true, he'll always be there."

"You didn't see his face. When I told him, I couldn't say why Lily was almost killed. You didn't see the way he _looked _at me as I explained that-"

"That's _why_?" A voice asks from behind us. "That's why Remus isn't speaking to you?"

I turn around quickly and almost slip from my seat. "L-Lily! What a surprise!"

"A surprise? This is where you've been all day? You've been gone for three hours." She rants. "You just walked out of third block, didn't say a dammed word about where you'd be going. James is a wreck. Sirius was about to commit murder. He wouldn't even talk to his girlfriend, even Peter was pacing back and forth! What were you thinking?"

"And Remus?" I ask, summoning another bottle, this time of mead. "What was he doing?"

She swallows thickly and stands up a little straighter. "Well I don't really know, haven't seen much of him all day."

I take large swig. "Thought so." I mutter before sipping the bottle again. "I knew he wouldn't care!"

"Kat, enough."

I shake my head. "No, I don't quite think I've had enough."

"Kat-" Arthur tries.

"I'm perfectly fine-"

"And what happens when you're parents come? Harry is going to be pissed. You better stop this right now and sober up, we have a meeting in less than two hours." She walks forward and grabs the bottle from my hands, pulling me to stand up. "Go and take a shower. And grab some hangover tonic will you?"

"No-"

"Molly!" Lily calls. "Molly can you come here I need you to emphf-"

I quickly slap my hand over Lily's mouth. Arthur laughs.

"You'd call Molly on me?" I ask in shock. "That's not even cool, you know-"

"What's going on in here?" Molly's voice asks from the doorway. "Kat, let go of Lily." She commands, pointing a spoon at me.

"Kat's a bit drunk, Molly." Lily says, unapologetically. "Mind taking her up stairs and sobering her up.

Molly turns her stern eye on me, while Lily grins victoriously.

"I hate you." I mouth at her as Molly grabs my arm and pulls me from the room.

"Love you too!" She says aloud.

And then she waves as the door swings shut between us.

**XX**

"So this is your old room, yeah?" Lily asks, as she walks in the doorway.

I lift my arm from over my eyes. "This is it." I tell her, now sobered up from the potion, but of course the headache was not yet gone.

I watch as Lily walks about the room, inspecting my old things.

I hadn't been back here since the day my parents were murdered. Emily came to the house to gather my clothes and the belongings I wanted most. I couldn't face the house, not when I could see burn marks on the doorway leading into the kitchens from the day my Mum was trying to teach my a shielding charm. And I couldn't dare look in their bedroom or the pictures on the wall that showed that they were once here, once alive.

But I had to come back. The Order needed this house, and they needed my permission. And I lived to serve the Order, right?

"You have so many dark detectors. You were only eleven."

"Ten." I correct. "I was technically still ten when they died." Lily turned and stared at me. "I didn't turn eleven until the day of their funeral."

She sat down in the chair across from me. "When is your birthday? I don't think you've ever mentioned it."

"I've got a late birthday. July 30th. Don't ever really celebrate it. Only the boys know. And now you." I say sitting up slightly. "I don't even think the teachers know, well except maybe Dumbledore, the man knows everything…" I trail off with a slight shrug of my shoulders.

"Something good needs to happen to make your birthday happy again. It sucks that it can't be a happy day for you."

"Yeah well, life sucks sometimes."

"It does." She agrees.

A knock sounded on my door, it opened, Molly's head peeking through. "Meetings about to start."

I jump up from the bed and Lily from the chair. Molly opens the door all the way.

"Feeling better Katarina?"

I pat her back on my way out. "Loads, thanks."

Lils gave a little laugh and I heard her say, "Don't look so confused, even _I _couldn't tell if she was serious."

I had to smile a little at that.

When I walked into the dining room, everyone was already in their seats.

"Nice of you to join us Katarina." Dumbledore says with a soft twinkle in his eye. "Feeling better?"

"Was she sick?" Emily asks instantly.

"No, Mum." I said sitting down next to her and squeezing her hand underneath the table. "I'm fine."

"Lucky that this meeting happened to be today." Lily says, addressing Albus. "Katarina and I have something to tell you all."

Albus raises an eye brow but nods. "You have the floor Miss Evans."

"Actually I think Kat should have it." Lily says looking at me.

Everyone turn and looks at me. I take a deep breath and close my eyes momentarily.

"Regulus Black asked to speak to me yesterday." I started, ignoring the way a hiss went around the table at the spoken name. "He told me that he knew Lily was a member of the order because it was Evan Rosier who had tried to murder her hardly a week prior." Some people gasped and I heard Fabian mutter something about "killing the little git." "And well I got a bit angry and I went into the Slytherin common room and-"

"You went into the Slytherin common room?" Caradoc interrupts. "How exactly did you manage that?"

"Err-" I say biting my lip a little and looking at Albus.

"Go on." He presses.

"I know the password cycle. Regulus is a friend of mine." I say defiantly. "And I've been in there before, usually when the other snakes are sleeping. But that's beside the point. I went in called Rosier down from his room. Of course his death eater friends came with him and I told them all that I, too, was a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

I stop and look around.

"Why would you do that Katarina?" Harry demands. "Why would you tell them?"

"I had my reasons." I mumble stiffly.

"Katarina, answer the question. Why did you tell them?" Albus asks.

"Lily is a muggle-born. And I know it doesn't mean anything to all of you, but it does to them. They would never leave her alone, torture her all the time in school. And well they hate me. They hate me for all the things that I've done to them and because I'm a blood traitor. I hoped it would take some pressure off of her and they would focus on _me_."

Everyone was silent.

"I'm not sorry I did it. I know I broke a rule but I'm not letting Lily get pushed around my death eaters, especially ones that already tried to kill her."

"Kat-"

I shake my head at her. "I know you can handle yourself, but I figured we were both members, we should both be in the same boat."

"What exactly is this thing you call a boat? Is it a muggle thing?" Arthur asks curiously.

Molly taps his hands. "Not now, Arthur, honestly."

"What happened after?" Dumbledore asks, briefly looking at Arthur with amusement. "Well they got a little angry and there was a duel, actually it wasn't much of a duel seeing as they were frozen solid where they stood in a few seconds." I added on proudly. "And then- and then I was going to kill Rosier."

"In school?" Albus confirmed.

"Yes, in school."

Dork slams her hands down on the table and jumps up. "See!" She exclaims. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. She's too reckless, she's going to get us all killed!"

"I was under the impression that you wanted her to join." Lily says snidely. "Didn't everyone have an argument about that? Or did you change your mind _after _she basically kicked your arse in a duel!"

"Lily!" Emily says in surprise.

It was commonly known that Lily and Dork usually got along, but no one was more surprised than me, when she said that to her.

"I-"

"Albus she shouldn't be a member, look at what she already ruined. She can't spy on them now, do you know how careful they'll be now that they know?"

"Shut up Dork!" I scream. "Just shut up!"

"Kat-" Albus begins.

"No!" I yell. "She doesn't understand what it's like to be loyal, she's only ever cared for herself. But Lily's my best friend. And I'll always stand up for my friend, I'd even kill for my best friend. I told you all that from the beginning, I wasn't against killing for the order or for the people I love. So you shut your dammed mouth, big sister. Because you wouldn't know loyalty if it jumped up and bit you in the arse!"

"Well said girl!" Moody says loudly. "Albus, she's got a good head on her shoulders even if she does act a bit recklessly. Don't let that one-" He's says pointing my sister. "Influence you."

"Thank you for that Alastor." He says with a smile. "But I wasn't going to get in the way of a sister rivalry." He eyes me from under his moon-shaped spectacles. "No killing in school."

I sigh. "No killing in school."

His lips twitch. "Now that we've gotten that covered, Gideon why don't you start telling me about that-"

"Don't think we're not talking about this later." Harry says, leaning slightly over Emily.

I grimace and sink down in my chair.

**XX**

"Merlin, did they give me a talking too." I tell Lily as we walked by the entrance doors to the castle. "I thought they'd never stop. 'Almost killing someone in school?" I say mimicking Emily's voice. "Didn't you care about what would happened to your mother if you landed yourself in Azkaban?" I say also mimicking Dad's voice.

Lily laughs. "Yeah well, you would have ended up in prison."

I shrug.

"And why didn't you tell me, that was the reason you admitted the secret to the Slytherins?"

"I dunno."

"Kat- don't be afraid to tell me things." She says looking me in the eye and stopping me in my tracks. "We're in this together and we- _James!_" She shrieks and pushes past me.

I turn around quickly and see James and Peter limping towards the entrance. Blood was dripping from both of their faces and they had various different bruises and more blood leaking from their shirts.

I hurried towards them, my heart pounding in my chest. "What the hell happened to you two? And where are Sirius and Remus?"

James looked uncomfortable. I grabbed his shoulder tightly, ignoring his wince. "_Where are they_?" I yell.

"Kat, stop!" Lily says pulling me away from him. "Can't you see their injured!"

"Does this have something to do with what you four get up to?" I ask him directly. "James Potter!" I screech.

"Yes!" He finally admits, sinking down to the ground. "I need to get help, it's Remus-"

I didn't wait for him to finish, but starting running out the door.

"Kat, NO! It's not safe, he'll _hurt_ you!" Peter screamed from behind me. "James! Stop her!" I could hear him yell, but I kept moving.

A loud howl sounded from the woods and I ran towards it, my wand clutched in my left hand. The full moon shined down on me, it's light momentarily blinding me, but I had to keep going, especially if Sirius and Remus were still out there. I had to save them.

And there in front of me, not to far away from the Shrieking Shack stood a werewolf and a dog. But the werewolf was- he was killing _him._

And then everything hit me. Their stupid nicknames, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Peter screaming at me that it wasn't safe, that'd he'd hurt me. The full moon. Peter joking that it was Remus' time of the month. But, Sirius- he was somehow this dog. An _animagus?_ And if he was one what was James? And Peter? And Remus- Remus he was….

I stop dead as both creatures noticed me, the wolf's amber eyes staring directly at my own.

My left hand begins to shake.

Remus was a _werewolf._


	15. Remus and Katarina

**And yet another chapterrrrrrr! Thank you all for the reviews and reading my story! It really means a lol. Really. Anyway, keep them coming please!**

**-smithchickx13**

**Enjoy ;)**

Chapter fifteen- Remus and Katarina.

The dog whined- _Sirius._ I reminded myself instantly. The dog was _Sirius._

He tried to get up but his back legs wouldn't hold his weight.

"Sirius, don't!" I scream as he tries again.

He whines.

"It's okay." I tell him, the truth of the information bringing tears to my eyes. "It's okay."

Remus stalked towards me, a snarl on his lips. Sirius fought to stand again.

"Sirius, no!" I cry.

Remus took another step forward. "Remus, please." I beg, even though I know there's no use. "It's me Katarina, we've been best mates since we were eleven years old."

He kept walking towards me, ignoring the pleading. A tear dripped down my cheek. I had no choice.

I pointed my wand between his eyes.

The wolf let out a loud howl and pounced at me, his claws digging into my shoulders, pushing me back into the tree.

"Kat!" Sirius was now human, I noted. "Kat!" He screamed again.

I couldn't speak, the pain of his claws was unbearable.

"Remus!" I begged again.

He jaws started snapping towards me.

_I didn't want to do it, didn't he understand?_

"Kat!" Another voice screamed, this time Lily. "Katarina, your wand!" She cried.

My wand poked him in the stomach and after a few muttered words he was thrown off of me and onto the ground. He growled loudly. And made to lunge for me again, but this time I was quicker. I swung my wand out and flicked my wrist. The wolf dropped to his knees where he stood and howled loudly in pain as his body shook. He tried to get up again only to fall back to the ground, this time in fetal position.

I dropped my wand to the ground and slid down the tree as tears poured out of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Remus!" I cried. "I'm so sorry!"

"Kat." Suddenly James was in front of me grabbing my shoulders. "What did you do to him?" He demanded. "What did you do to him?"

"Every time he moves, he'll be shocked. It causes physical and mental pain." I was numb.

"Every time?" His voice was low.

"Yes." I choke out.

"And what about when he turns human? Will it kill him?"

More tears leak down as he howls again in pain.

"_Will it kill him_?" He adds more forcefully.

"James!" Lily yells. "You're hurting her!"

"No! Of course not!" I say finally answering James' question. "I would never try and kill Remus."

"Mr. Potter, Remus will be just fine in the morning."

I look past James' shoulder and see Dumbledore, still in his day robes, standing in front of us. He wasn't alone. McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey stood to the right and left of him, respectively.

"Headmaster-"

"James, Remus will be fine when he changed back. But I most ask you to leave. Yourself, Mr. Black, and Mr. Pettigrew all need medical attention."

"I'm not leaving." Sirius says slowly. "I'm not leaving him here, by himself."

"He won't be." Dumbledore says instantly. "Katarina, will remain here."

I catch Albus' eye. "Thank you." I mouth.

He nods.

"Come along then boys." McGonagall says, helping Sirius to stand.

Sirius turns to me and glares. "If your hurt him anymore more than this, I'll kill you. I swear I will."

McGonagall turns him away from me and smiles apologetically. "Enough of this Mr. Black. Lily be a dear and help Peter and James."

Lily hesitates, looking towards me. Then she sighs. "James, let go."

One by one, James' fingers release my shoulders.

"I want to believe you have a good reason for knowing these spells." He whispers to me. "I want to believe you won't hate Remus for a prejudice against werewolves."

"I love Remus." I say staring James in the eyes. "I love him!"

"James let's go." Lily says, pulling James to his feet.

"I love him!" I cry. "I swear I do, I love him!"

Lily begins pulling James away, Peter holding up his other side.

"You have to believe me James!" I call after him. "James!"

He doesn't say anything but he doesn't look away either. Lily kept forcing him forward. I watched until I couldn't see him anymore. Trying more than anything to ignore the soft moaning of pain in the background.

"Katarina."

I don't look up. "I know what you're thinking." I say softly. "That it was terrible spell to use against my own friend, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he killed me or if he turned me into a werewolf. I know _him_, Albus. And he was going to kill me. And Remus- Remus would have died if he ever killed one of us."

"On the contrary, Miss Meadows I believe it was a very brave thing you did tonight." This time I do look up. "You risked friendship with your friends to save Remus from himself. From something he would hate more than anything. Remus is a kind hearted boy. And he wouldn't be able to live with himself, you are right about that Katarina."

The tears kept coming.

"I'm leaving him with you now." He says, his blue eyes shining, but not in the way they normally did.

I nod my head.

He turned and walked off.

"Oh and Miss Meadows?"

"Yes?"

"They will forgive you." He tells me. "All of them."

I find myself nodding again, not even sure if I believe him.

He smiles once and then with a swish of his cloak, he's gone.

Remus moans again. I take my eyes off of the spot were Dumbledore just stood and turned to him.

He was still in fetal position, his mouth was open, tongue hanging out the side as tortured howls came from his mouth.

With every sound I dig my nails deeper into the dirt beside me.

"I'm so sorry Remus." I sob. "I'm so, so, sorry!"

His amber eyes found mine and I didn't look away.

"I remember the first time I ever saw you." I begin suddenly, even though I knew he wouldn't understand. "I didn't think it was possible for another human to look worse off than I did. My parents just died and I was only a half version of myself. But you- you looked so sad and I couldn't understand why. Everything about you was fragile, you were so skinny then and your hands so small. I remember looking into your eyes- like I am now- and wanting to protect you. I felt the need to do so more than I ever felt to in my whole life. You sat next to me the whole train ride to Hogwarts, and you barely spoke a word." My nails dig deeper into the earth. "And I remember wishing you would. I didn't understand you Remus, but the first time you open your mouth I knew. I knew you'd be my friend. I knew that I'd always love you. You understand don't you?" I cry. "You're my best friend. And you must have felt that need to protect me too, because you sat with me for nights after my parents were murdered. You read me stories and you hugged me when I cried. You played with my hair and you listened to me as I screamed and ranted but you never left me. Even when I didn't say anything, even when I told you to leave me alone and go away, you didn't. You sat there with me all night in silence. You're the best person I've ever known. I'd hate myself forever if you didn't forgive me. I hate myself _now." _I clench my jaw together. "I should have told you about Lily. I should have told you about _me. _But I will. I will tell you- because I did something unforgivable tonight and I'll never ever stop feeling guilty for what I did to you- I just- I love you so much Remus. I-"

I buried my head in my knees and sobbed for what felt like hours. I never went to sleep. How could I have slept? Not when Remus was in so much pain because of _me._ Not when everything was my fault.

"Kat?"

I lifted my head up, the sun pouring down through the trees.

Remus stood in front of me, his amber eyes not moving from my face. I jumped up quickly and made to move towards him, but he took a step back, stumbled, and fell to his knees.

"Remus I-"

I watch as he saw my wand on the ground. He lunged for it and before I knew it, my wand was pointed at my chest.

"How did you know that spell?"

I took another shaky step towards him.

"How did you know that spell?" He screamed, thrusting the wand out further in front of him.

Tears leak from my eyes.

"Did your parents teach you to hate werewolves at a young age too? Merlin, Katarina I knew they taught you things but I didn't think you were their _fucking_ clone!"

"I'm not!" I tell him. "I swear to you Remus I'm not! My parents didn't hate werewolves and even if they did, I don't!"

He laughed bitterly. "Then why do you know that spell? Why Kat?"

"Because I need to protect myself." I tell him truthfully.

"Protect yourself from werewolves, how often do you come about them?" The wand lowered slightly.

"There's a man. Who goes by the name of Fernir Greyback and he's an awful person." Remus stiffened suddenly. "He's a werewolf but he stays half transformed all the time and kills people when it isn't the full moon. He's not horrible because he's a werewolf, he's just- he's rotten to his core. And he happens to be a death eater."

"So, what problem is he of yours?"

"He's my problem because-" I stop a take a deep breath. "I'm a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

**XX**

I couldn't stop crying. Not the whole way up to the hospital wing and not the whole time Madam Pomfrey made Remus and I lay down in the back room. I tried to hide the fact that I was crying, but I just couldn't. Sobs racked my body and it hurt my chest to hold them in.

Remus hadn't spoken yet, except to tell me that we should probably get to the hospital wing. I have no idea what he's thinking. I don't even know if he'll forgive me.

"Kat, please stop crying." Remus says, his voice strained.

"I- I can't!"

He sighs deeply. "You're just exhausted, that's all." He sighs again. "C'mere."

I looked over at him in the darkness of the hospital wing and he lifted the bed sheets up slightly and nodded his head. I stood up and as quickly as I can, slid into the bed next to him. He cradled me in his arms.

"No more crying, Kitty."

I sigh and stifle another sob. "No more crying." I agree.

It gets quiet for a moment before, "Lily is a member too?"

"Yes." I say simply. "Lily was a member before I was. Basically since her parents were murdered.

Remus stroked the hair back from my face. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I- I just needed to wrap my head around the fact that you put yourself in danger every single day. All those times you left the school, you could have died- you-"

"But I always came back." I remind him, squeezing his free hand that was wrapped around my waist.

"Yeah but at what cost? How many times were you injured and didn't say anything? How many things did you conceal? And the last time you came back- when you could barely walk- you-"

"I was put under the cruciatus curse, for quite a while." I interrupt. "And Emily, she collapsed after the duel and was in the hospital for a while so I stayed with her. And then Lily almost died-"

"The cruciatus curse." Remus finally says. "You were- Oh Merlin."

"Remus it's okay. I'm okay now."

"Yes but what about next time? What happens next time when you're too injured to come back to school? How will I know you're okay?"

"Remus, I'll always be okay."

"You're not invincible Kat, as much as you like to think you are, you're not."

"Remus-"

"I want to know. I want to know every time you get injured and I want to know when you'll be getting back."

"Rem sometimes we don't get injured. I'm not hospitalized every time. Sometimes we come here and Poppy fixes us up and then we walk back to the common room."

"Then I want you to write me a note or somehow get me a message to let me know where you are. And if you're here and either you or Lily are hurt, I'll be here. Understood?"

"Remus-"

"That is the only way I will keep your secret. If you promise to tell me exactly what happened and if you are injured."

"I-"

"Kat you don't understand what it will be like for me to not know, now that I know you have to-"

"Okay, Remmie."

His chest rises and falls quickly. "Okay?"

I close my eyes. "Okay."

He buries his head into my shoulder. "Thank you, Kat." He whispers. "Thank you."

"Remus." I begin after a moment.

"Yes?"

"I'm very sorry about last night, and about trying to keep that from you. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know."

"I'll never forgive myself for putting that curse on you. You were in so much pain and you-"

"I've never felt better, waking up actually." He says cutting across me. "Normally I injure myself when I turn but last night because I couldn't move, I didn't. I hardly have a scratch on me, but as for you-"

"I'm fine. It's just a few cuts."

"I'm sorry too. For everything." I nod. "You know, I heard some of things you said last night. Seems the curse shocked me into my right mind too. And you _are _my best mate. And I love you very much, Katarina."

A tear drips from the corner of my eye and for what feels like the first time I say it back so someone can hear me. "I love you too, Remus. I love you too."

**XX**

"Get up!" I heard a voice scream. "It's nearly three in the afternoon!"

I moan softly from the noise and bury my head in the pillow.

The covers are ripped off of me.

"I said get _up!_"

"Go away." Remus yells. "I'm sleeping."

"I don't give a rat's arse if you're sleep Remus Lupin, I said _up!_"

I jump to attention. "_Mum!_"

Remus jumps up a second later. "_Emily_!"

She smiles victoriously. Her red hair shining from the light coming through the windows.

"What are you doing here?" I demand. "Does James know?"

"Your brother just took me to the kitchens for lunch. I've been here for quite some time."

I just stare.

"Dumbledore owled me last night about what happened. I wanted to make sure that both of you were okay."

"M' fine." I say, spreading the blankets out with my fingertips.

And then I grimace. My fingers were bloody and raw, some of nails hanging half way off, some nails missing completely. I tuck my hands away from sight.

"And you Remus?" Emily asks, sitting on the bed I was supposed to be sleeping with.

"Yes, Emily. Thank you."

Emily sighs and fixes her hazel eyes on Remus. "I spoke to your Mum, she says that she wouldn't be able to make it. She had to work."

"I bet she did." He said bitterly.

I turn away from Emily and look towards Remus, whose sandy hair was sticking up in every possible direction and whose face had a deep frown fixed across his lips.

"You don't need her, Rem. We've talked about this." I remind him.

His expression clears. "You're right. I don't."

I look back at Emily in time to see her smile. "Well now _I _should be going to work." She stands up and flattens down her robes. "Now kiss me both of you."

She leans down and we both kiss her cheek.

"Love you both, don't forget to write!"

And before we could answer she strode out of the hospital wing door and out of sight.

Remus and I exchange a look before falling back on the bed, shoulder to shoulder.

"Well last night was a bit crazy, I'd say."

I nod my head. "One of the craziest nights I've ever seen and I fight _death eaters_!"

Remus grimaces.

I nod. "Too soon?"

"Yes."

I shrug. "Thought it was worth a shot."

"Seriously bad attempt at humor, Kitty Kat." He says.

And then for some reason unknown we both start laughing. And we just couldn't stop, I was sitting up down, doubled over from laughing so hard, tears pouring out of my eyes.

"Merlin." Remus says, still laughing. "I can't stop and I- I don't know _why!_"

"Someone give you two a cheering charm?" A voice asks from the doorway.

We both stop as suddenly as we started.

James stood in the door way, his arms crossed over his chest. Sirius a bit behind him. Both of them trying to look intimidating but it was ruined by Lily pushing past both of them and stumbling into the room.

"Remus! Katarina!" She says running up to us and throwing her arms around us both. "Thank Merlin, I was so _worried_!"

Remus slowly pulls away from her. "Eh, Lily?"

"Oh Remus, hush!" She tells him. "I don't care that you're a werewolf! It doesn't mean a thing to me. You're one of the first real friends I've ever had. And it wouldn't matter to me if you had webbed feet and webbed hands."

He smiles softly, and I could help but think that his smile lightened everyone's mood considerably.

"Thanks Lily."

She smiles too. "Anytime."

I rip the covers off me and stand up, lifting my arms above my head to stretch.

"Merlin, I'm so stiff." I say as my back cracks loudly.

"So you two are-" Peter stops and looks between Remus and I. "Okay?"

Remus and I look at each other and smile.

"She's my best mate." He says, at the same time I say, "He's my best mate."

"And where does that leave me, exactly?" Sirius asks, taking a step closer.

"Well that's easy. You're are best mate too." Remus says in a 'duh' sort of way.

"And me?" Lily asks, taking my place on the bed.

"Naturally." I tell her.

"Even me?" Peter asks playing along.

"Of course, mate." Sirius says, patting him on the back.

"Except James." I say pulling him towards me and throwing my arms around him. "James is my brother."

His lips finally twitch into the smile I love so much and he hugs me back, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

"I thought you were going to die." He said suddenly in my ear. "And then I thought you killed him and I didn't-"

"Everything's alright now."

"You're right, it is." James says pulling away from me.

I follow his eyes and see that he's staring at Lily who smiles widely at him. He swallows thickly.

I raise an eye brow and shake my head.

"Er- Kitty Kat?"

I look towards Sirius. He runs a hand through his black locks and bites his lip nervously. "I'm sorry I threatened you last night I-"

"You what?" James roars. "You threatened my sister, Black!"

"I- you were there!" Sirius said quickly. "I thought you heard me."

"I was a bit preoccupied!" James says taking a step towards him.

"Boys, boys." Lily says, stepping between them. "Everything's alright now."

I look at her and grab her hand tightly. "Seriously you two."

"Well he's the one that told you where to find Remus in the first place!"

"You kissed her!" James screams. "And then got a girlfriend!"

"You wouldn't let her be friends with Evans."

"Well you set her robes on fire!"

"That was you?" I say rounding on him.

"Ha!" James says triumphantly.

"And you knew?" I say now directing my glare towards him. "And you didn't say anything?"

"Um- Uh." James stammers nervously.

"You two better run." Remus says simply.

James and Sirius took off at once, both fighting to get through the door first.

"I'll give them a head start."

I count to five quickly in my head before running after them.

**XX**

"She took our wands, didn't she?" I hear Sirius ask from behind me.

"Yup." James says with a sigh. "She did."

"How long do you think we'll be up here?"

I smirk slightly and chance a glance back at them. They hung from the ceiling in the main corridor, their pants down to their ankles. I charmed their boxers pink with butterflies on them.

I turn my head quickly when I see James' head turn in my direction.

"A long time, mate." James says answering Sirius' question. "A very long time."


	16. Mudblood Lover

**Annnnddddd chapter sixteen! Thanks once again for all the alerts, favorites and reviews! You guys are great! Keep them coming please!**

**Enjoy ;)**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter sixteen- Mudblood Lover.

I screamed, the pain filling my body white and hot. There was so much blood, I honestly didn't know someone my size and weight could bleed this much and not pass out.

_Why wasn't I passing out? Why wasn't this over yet?_

"You'll never forget this moment." Bellatrix sneers at me. "You'll see it every time you look in the mirror and every time you look down. You'll never forget what you _are._"

I whimper softly as she makes one final cut onto my neck with her wand.

"And everyone will know. You can't hide it. Years from now, when the Dark Lord wins." She stops and looks at me, her eyes lit up. "And he will win, you know. You'll lose _everything_."

I looked away from her heavy lidded eyes and up at the sky. How could something look this beautiful when all around me death and destruction were happening? How can the stars still shine when at this very moment another muggle or another witch or wizard is being murdered? Another _child_? How can it?

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but I had no voice left. I had been screaming for too long already. There was nothing left.

"I won't kill you." She says, bringing my attention back to her. "Not when I know you're going to be tortured for the rest of your life. I won't give you that salvation." Her mouth turns into a sadistic smile. "But at little more won't hurt. Torture, I mean." She gives a slight laugh. "_Crucio_!"

My body jerks in pain, my mouth open in a scream no one could hear.

"_Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!"_

"Kat!" I hear someone shout from far away. "_Katarina!_"

The voice sounded foreign to me. I couldn't place whose it was but all I knew is that they were coming. The pain would soon be gone.

"Bellatrix!" The same voice screams. "Leave her alone!"

The pain stops as suddenly as it came. I took in a big gulp of air.

I briefly hear Bellatrix laugh before different flashes of light blind my eyes.

There's a laugh and then I hear someone crumble to the ground beside me. Someone came running.

Hands were placed on my shoulder.

_Why couldn't I see?_

"There's so much blood." The first voice says. "Can you make out what it says?"

"Doesn't matter." The second voice answers. "We need to get her out of here_. Kat can you move?"_

I moan and try to blink my eyes open.

"_Sweetheart can you move?"_

My head turns to the side as the person lifts my shoulders up off the ground.

"Where's Lily?" The first voice asks.

"I have no idea, Arthur we have to get her up!"

_Arthur?_ He was here? _But who was the other voice?_

I fought again to open my eyes.

"I don't know what you want me to _do!_" Arthur yells irritated. "She and Lily are supposed to be together! What if she's _hurt _somewhere?"

My eyes burst open and a huge burst of air goes into my lungs.

"Kat!" The both yell in surprise.

I just kept breathing through my mouth, loud short gasps.

It was Alice, who stood with Arthur. She pushed some of my hair back from my face.

"Kat?"

"Can't talk." I whisper as loudly as I could, my voice scratchy, my throat raw and burning.

"We need to get you to the hospital." Arthur says, helping me to sit up.

"No!" I croak. "Poppy!"

"Poppy?" Arthur asks. "Who the hell is-"

"Madam Pomfrey!" Alice yells. "She wants to go to the hospital wing!"

"We need Albus! We need a point of apparation!" Arthur says suddenly. He whips his wand, a patronus forming next to him. My eyes weren't focused enough to see its shape, but it warmed me considerably. He spoke briefly in his ear and then sent it off.

My body was cold again.

"Kat-"

A loud pop cut him off and suddenly Albus Dumbledore was standing right in front of me.

"Katarina." He says dropping to one knee. "Oh." He says eyes looking at my neck.

"Albus what-" Alice starts.

"It says _Mudblood lover_." His voice was low. He was angry, I could tell from the sound of his voice.

"Where is everyone else?" Arthur demands. "Have you seen Molly or what about Lily and-"

There's still fighting going on. You two get back. I'll take Miss Meadows to the hospital wing."

"But-" Alice protested.

Arthur pulled her up to her feet. "Come on, Alice." He said dragging her forward.

"But what about Kat?"

"She will be fine, Mrs. Longbottom. I'll have her owl you when she's well."

My eyes lock on hers. I couldn't nod but my eyes told her yes.

_Yes, Alice. I will write you._

Finally she nods and lets Arthur pull her away.

Dumbledore scoops me up in his arms. I feel a tug at my navel and then we're off spinning in gravity. We land with a loud crack in the back room of the hospital wing. The one I had been in with Remus.

_Remus._ I needed to get him here. _I promised._

He laid me carefully on the cold sheets.

"Poppy!" He called, briefly stepping out of the room.

"Oh, Albus!" She says walking into the room. "Your frightened me- Katarina!"

"I must be getting back. Take care of her, yes?"

"Of course!" She says rushing towards me. "Be safe, Albus."

He nods and then disappears with a flick of his robes.

"Miss Meadows what do you need is something-"

"My throat." I whisper. "It's-"

"Nothing that can help that but a little tea and honey. I'll get some for you after i fix you up at bit." She begins to work then, waving her wand madly over top of my head. Then she's gone. She comes back a few seconds later with three potions.

I knew the blood replenishing potion would be a nasty drink, but I had no choice. I let her lift the goblet to my lips and tilt it back. The rust taste made me gag slightly but I was able to get it done with a few large gulps. The next two didn't taste nearly as bad, and thankfully the last one made me feel numb. The pain in my joints were gone. I felt as though my body were floating, but my mind was still in the place. I still remember everything that happened.

"You do know that the burns will-"

I nod my head.

"I am so sorry, Miss Meadows."

I clench my jaw, trying to not let the tears slip from my eyes.

"Are you not in any pain, dear?"

"No."

She smiles and pats my head.

"Willy!" She calls and a house elf appears by her side.

"What can Willy do for you Miss!" The elf squeaks.

"A bit of tea and honey if you will please."

"Of course Miss." The house elf was gone with crack only to appear a second later a large mug of tea in hand. And a spoonful of honey."

She thanked him and then stuffed the honey into my mouth. "Swallow." She ordered.

I did as she asked, the effect already taking place. She handed me the tea. I took a little sip.

"Thank you." My voice was still hoarse but it came out a little louder. "Remus." I say then. "Remus has to be here, you need to get him."

"Miss Meadows, don't talk so much you'll be-"

"You need to!" I half yell.

"Okay, calm down dear. I'll retrieve him now."

She swept out of the room and I leaned back against the pillows with a sigh.

A crack had me jumping back up a second later and Lily landed in the hospital wing on a heap on the floor.

"Only just got away." She mumbles before fainting, her eyes rolling back into her head.

"Poppy!" I scream as loudly as I can, my voice cutting off half way through.

She ran in the door and I pointed frantically at Lily. She placed a hand over her hurt and hurriedly pulled her wand out levitating her onto the bed next to mine.

"What's wrong with her?" I ask.

She doesn't answer me.

"What's wrong with her?" I yell again as she begins to scream.

"Katarina you have to be quiet if you-"

"Kat."

I look up and see Remus standing in the door way, then his eyes land on Lily. He rushes over to her bed, while I sat sobbing from mine.

"What's wrong with her? Madam Pomfrey!" He asked hysterically.

"Both of you need to be quiet!" She yelled through clenched teeth as she waves her wand, a few potions landing on the table beside her. I watch through blurry eyes as she pours potions down her throat and some of them on her body.

"Maybe she should go to St. Mungo's." I say to Poppy. "Maybe-"

"I'm a Healer, Katarina. Enough."

"Yes but-"

"I've healed everything you've thrown at me. I've taken extra lessons, learned more things so I could heal you two. No stop talking and let me work!"

Remus walked over to my bedside. "What happened to her?" He demanded.

I shook my head.

"I thought you two were partners, dammit Kat what happened?"

"We lost each other."

His eyes widen as if just hearing the way my voice sounded for the first time.

"Kat." He grabbed my bandaged hands. "What happened to you?"

I shook my head and swallowed. "I've never screamed so much in my entire life. And there was so much blood and so much pain."

"Kat-"

I reach up with my injured hand and pull the gauze off my neck. His takes in a sharp breath and his eyes flash dangerously.

"Bellatrix." I say, answering the question he couldn't ask. "And then she put the cruciatus curse on me. Again, and again, and again. It didn't stop until Arthur came. I couldn't handle it. The blood was everywhere-"

"How are you going to hide this?" He asks.

I shake my head.

"And you're hands? They're like this that too?"

"Yes." I say simply.

"Oh, Kat. What are you going to tell James? Merlin what are you going to tell Sirius?"

"Sirius is too worried about his girlfriend to be worried about me." I say bitterly. "Who gives a damn what he thinks?"

"Something happen?"

"Walked in on them snogging before I left. She blushed adorably of course, afraid to be caught in public displays of affection and he just stared at me. What a prick. He's not stupid you know-"

"I can't believe we're talking about this. You just got tortured, Lily's screaming her head off and we're talking about the fact that you like Sirius. You do like him right?"

"Well I've told you all of my other secrets, so yes. Now I've got nothing to hide." He smiles. "And Remus? This is what we do. We try not to dwell on everything that happened because if we, then we'd lose it. I'd go mad. It helps to talk about other things.

Lily finally stopped screaming. I looked at her to see her looking between me and Remus before finally settling on me.

"Kat?"

"Yeah, Lil?"

"Sorry you had to see Sirius with his girlfriend. I tried to warn you not to-"

"Honestly, you two!" Remus yells throwing up his hands while Poppy laughs and walks out. "You two could have died. And that's the first thing you say to her after you wake up."

She shrugs. "We hadn't got to talk about that yet."

He shakes his head.

"Well are you going to join our conversation or sit there all pissed?" I snap at him.

He glares before saying. "So what curse did you use after you saw them together?"

I smile. "You know me all too." I tell him before launching into the story. "It was a beautiful bat boogey hex. Sirius never saw it coming…."

**XX**

"Your hands." Lily says suddenly, grabbing them and flipping it over to see my palms. "Mud-blood lover, Kat you- Merlin your _neck!_"

I pull my hands back quickly and tug the neckline of my robes higher. "its nothing-"

"That is _not _nothing."

"Double negative." I point out.

She swats at me arm. "Shut _up, _Kat! She branded you!"

"I'm well aware Lily. But what would you like me to do, it's not just going to disappear."

"Well at least your voice sounds a right side better than it did last night." She says after a second.

I pick up the fresh cup tea sitting on my bedside. "Tea and honey." I tell her before taking a sip. "Really does wonders."

She rolls her eyes but takes a swig of it as well. She raises an eye brow. "Fire whiskey? Really Kat?"

"Convinced the house elves." I shrug. "They really will do anything if you give them some of your time. And it's not nearly enough to get drunk, just enough to take of the edge. Rough night and all."

She nods her head in agreement and takes another sip. "I see your point."

I smile.

"So what are you going to tell James, Sirius, Peter and Tom?" She stops for a second. "Regulus will have already known of course."

The smile drops from my face.

"I guess I'll tell them it's payback from the other night. They caught me in the hallway, branded me. I fought my way out and well that's it."

"That's it?"

"Yes." I say simply.

**XX**

"Payback?" Sirius growls. "From the other night?"

I nod my head.

"No fuck that." James snaps. "This is fucking sickening."

Peter clamps his jaw shut and mutters his agreement.

"Of course it is James." I say soothingly, rubbing my hand on his arm.

He jumped as if burned by fire.

"James?"

"It's- It's that _word._" He says he hazel eyes hard.

"James-"

"They couldn't have just done muggle lover, could they?"

"I know." I say, not again making the mistake of reaching out to him. "But-"

"Didn't you think of how Lily would feel, having to look at you everyday?"

"It's not my fault-"

"If you hadn't tried to commit murder, which I'm still don't sure why you did it, in their common room they wouldn't have retaliated."

"James!" Lily yells in surprise.

"You're really going to blame this on me."

"He's irrational." Lily says quickly, grabbing James' sleeve. "He doesn't know what he's saying."

"Yes, I bloody well do!" He ground out as Lily begins pulling him towards the common room James.

"Come now, let's go get breakfast in the kitchens." Lily was saying softly.

I stared after them in shock, even after the door closed and they were gone I still couldn't look away.

"You know he doesn't think right when something happens to you." Remus says slowly, taking James' abandoned seat. "He's just made and he needed someone to take it out on."

I nod my head.

"Kat are you listening to me?" Remus demands grabbing my shoulders.

"I am."

He sighs deeply and drops his hand. "Good."

I turn towards Sirius and he looked back at me, his grey eyes narrowing on my neck.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, love?" He answers automatically, not taking his eyes away from the writing.

"I'm sorry I put a bat boogey hex on you, yesterday."

His eyes snap up to my face incredulously. "Really? You want to talk about this _now_?"

"Yes."

"You were attacked and you- you're neck!" He cried.

"Sirius just go with it." Remus tells him, when I don't answer.

He sighs. "Don't worry about it Kitty Kat. It was a nicely placed hex anyway. I've been a right foul git, lately."

"You have."

He scoops me up in his arms and swings me around in a circle. "Forgive me, Kitty?"

"You?" I ask as he pulls back slightly to look at my face. I smile then, "_Always_."


	17. Happiness Comes in Ways

Chapter seventeen- Happiness Comes in Ways You'd Never Expect.

-**Lily's POV-**

"James!" I yell as he breaks away from my grip and stalks angrily down the corridor.

"I don't want to talk to you." He growls out. "Just go away."

"James." I was hurrying after him, but his legs were so damn long.

"I said go away!"

"James Potter you listen to me right now!" I demand.

He stops and turns to face me, stunned.

"What the hell was that you just pulled?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." I place a hand on my hip and instantly wish I didn't as I land on a particularly painful bruise, but I don't lose my glare. "Why did you start that argument with your sister?"

He places his hands across his chest. "I really don't see how it's any of your business."

I use this time to drink him all in. His messy black hair, cold hazel eyes that hadn't stopped their glare since Katarina had walked into the room, his high cheek bones that looked like they were chiseled from Merlin himself, and his stature. If he wasn't intimidating he wouldn't be half as good looking as he was now. But he was still just James Potter. Just a seventeen year old boy who already had too much guilt for one lifetime. Just a boy who sometimes cursed his own existence.

And also a boy who took it out on everyone else.

"Lily?" James asks taking a step closer when I failed to speak for a few minutes.

"You're right." I say after a while, rocking back on my heels and running a shaking hand through my hair. "It isn't my business."

"Are you okay?"

I rub a hand across my face. "I just realized how tired I was. And I'm really tired, James. Of everything."

I place my back against the wall and slide down, my knees against my chest. "There is just so much going on. Remus and his "fury little problem" you three boys are animagi, Katarina and I, and what we do, Sirius and Kat drama, then you and Kat. And poor Peter and my parents dying- I just want to be able to not think. I just want one day of peace."

James walks over and crouches down in front of me. "I did take out my anger on Kat. I know that's what you were implying and I did." He cocks his head to the side. "I can't help it sometimes. And as for Kat and Sirius well, love, they _always _fight. It's like programmed in their DNA or something. And we're fine, Remus is fine. We've done it every full moon since fifth year. And I think it only got out of hand because Remus and Kat were arguing. Peter will pass his classes, now that you're helping. And I'll apologize to Kat." He taps my knee. "And as for what you and Kat do, I can't help you there. But I _can _give you a day of peace, Lily Evans."

I shivered at my name coming from his lips.

"Tomorrow you're skipping all lessons and we're going to Hogsmeade. All day, no interruptions."

I smile a little bit. "How do I know that you won't annoy me, thus, not giving me my day of peace."

"Because I'm James Potter and I normally get what I want. And _I _want to help you." He tells me. "So I solemnly swear on the Marauders and my parents that I will not upset you tomorrow."

We stare at each other for a few minutes, his eyes melting with each second. I wondered if they would ever melt completely.

"Thank you James."

He gives me a half smile and stands up, offering me a hand. I take it and he pulls me up and right into a hug, before I even had time to be surprised.

I sank into his arms, my head buried into his neck.

"You're alright, Evans." He tells me as a few tears leak onto his neck for a reason, even _I'm _not too sure off.

He strokes my hair. "You're alright." He whispers in my ear.

"Thank you James." I breathe. "Thank you so much."

His only response was to hold me tighter.

**XX**

It was really cold for early November.

My body shook slightly with each gust of wind that nipped at my nose. I pulled my pea coat tighter around me and slipped my hands low into my pockets. But the cold felt strangely good. It was riveting. The leaves blew all around me, the wind lifting my hair and stinging my cheeks. I felt more alive here, than I'd felt in weeks. It was this strangely cold day that I would remember for the rest of my life. This strangely cold day where everything changed for me.

And of course James looked good in this weather, I noted, as I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His hair stuck up all around his head and there was a color in his pale cheeks that was almost never there. His nose was adorably red and he looked _peaceful._ Calm. That expression that I had never before seen on his face. He looked comfortable like that. His black pea coat tight to his body, a grey scarf tied around his neck. His eyes glowing behind his glasses. It hit me then that James Potter was happy. And it also hit me that this is where James went, when he went missing without his friends.

That thought brought a small smile to his lips. This time he didn't go alone, he brought _me._

"You're smiling." James says, not looking at me. "Why?"

"I don't know." I lie. "Just the weather I guess."

_Or being here with you._ My mind adds silently.

"It seems so strange that we used to hate each other, doesn't it?" I ask, turning slightly to look at him.

"Not so strange, no." He answers. "We just didn't understand each other, I think. It was a misconception of course because now I feel as though I don't understand anyone better than you."

"Excuse me?"

"You're like an open book to me, Evans." He says then. "I can read every expression that crosses your face. You just had to answer a few questions for me first and the rest I could figure out on my own."

"Is that so?" I demand. "You think you can read me, Potter?"

"I do believe so."

"Well I can read you too, you know."

"Is that so?" He mocks.

"Yes." I say, not moving my eyes from his.

"Okay then." He finally says.

"Okay then." I repeat.

And we turn away from each other, finishing our walk into Hogsmeade.

"So three broomsticks?" I ask, turning to walk in that direction.

James grabs my wrist quickly. "Actually I was thinking we could go to the Shrieking Shack."

"Inside it?" I ask, whipping around to face him.

He nods. "Come on." And I let him lead me there, one of his hands on the small of my back.

We back track until we're on the opposite side of the tree, not the side on the Hogwarts ground. I slip my wand from my sleeve and point it at the tree.

I mutter the freezing charm quietly.

James turns to me as the tree freezes.

"I've known how to get passed the Whopming Willow, our second year at Hogwarts."

His lips twitch. "Of course you did."

Again he places his hand on my back and guides me through the tunnel and into the building. I eye the long claw marks along the wall, my hand shaking as I reach to touch each one.

"Is he in a lot of pain?"

"Huh?"

"When he does this." I say, my hand tracing the split wood. "Is he in a lot of pain?"

"Before yes." He answers slowly. "But when he's a wolf, no. He can't help it. He just has to resist urges. And it's better the wood and walls then himself. There times were he just won't stop hurting himself. He claws and he-" James swallows thickly and stops.

I give his fingers a quick squeeze and then let go.

"Let's go." I say, this time leading him up the stairs.

"I take it you've been inside the shack too?"

"Of course." I tell him. "Mostly all of last year and the beginning of this one. Kind of lucky that I never happened to be in here on a full moon. Funny the way things work out."

"Guess it wasn't your time to know."

"Guess not." I agree.

I take a deep breath before pushing open the door. This room was the worst, furniture torn to shreds, stuffing falling out of the rips in the couch, the wood scratched deep and long. And the wooden floors in the shape of muddy paws.

"I think I'd like to be here." I say, sitting down on the chair around the broken table.

"Don't say that Lily." James says quickly. "You don't know what it's like."

"But it's Remus." I say with a shrug. "No one deserves this less than him. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes."

"Do you wish it was you?" I ask him then.

"Yes." He says in the same fashion as before.

"Me too, I think." I say leaning my head a little to the left, staring at the odd expression on his face. "It would be nice, not to be myself for one night." I find myself saying.

"Do you not like who you are, Lily?"

"Sometimes, no." I say truthfully. "But you don't like yourself very much either, do you James?"

"Sometimes, no." He repeats.

I smile then. "Well I like you James. Not that _that_ matters in the least. But there are people out there that like you. Love you, even. And the ones that don't, including yourself just don't understand you."

"That was quite insightful, Evans." He says sitting down across from me. "But are you suggesting that I don't understand myself?"

My eyes lock on his. "I don't think you understand a lot of things, Potter."

He sighs and looks down at his hands on the table, were he twisted them nervously. "My Mum's sick."

I sigh deeply. _Finally._

"Ever since I was born. She was old, you know. Too old to be having her first child and she was so weak. They didn't think she'd make it to see me alive. But she did." He smiles sadly. "She did, but it took her years to get back on her feet, six to be exact. But she was never the same, not that I knew her before but still I just _knew. _ I drained her life and I still am, every single day, she gets more tired and sicker. And there's nothing anyone can do. Sometimes she just, _collapses. _Once she was out for four days."

I close my eyes tightly, thinking of not too long ago when I witnessed that myself. She was worrying over me. There was so much blood dripping from my face and then she fell in my arms. I was so scared, not knowing what had happened. A tear drips from my eye but I swipe at it quickly.

"It's not your fault James." I say, my voice hoarse from trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "You were a baby. And she wanted you more than anything in the whole entire world. That was she fought for you every day that you weren't born yet. That's why she's still fighting now. You're Mum is stronger then you know, James. And she loves you so much. You'll never fully understand the love a mother has for a child. How that love can do anything. It's kept her alive for seventeen years, James."

"Yes, but how long does she have left?" He says, his face tortured as he slams his hand down on the table.

"Not until she knows you're okay. She won't leave until she knows that you don't feel guilty, when she knows you won't need her anymore."

"But your Mother left you, and you clearly still needed _her_!"

I clench my jaw and take a deep breath. "My Mother was murdered in cold blood. The Death Eaters walked into my house and killed my Mum and Dad without a second thought and then slit their throats for good measure. They left my sister to deliver a message to me. They said and I quote "This is a message to your sister. She has been speaking openly about my master and that is her grave mistake. She killed her own parents by pretending to be something she's not. _A witch._" And then they left." I shrug my shoulder as if it didn't bother me.

"How do you know they said that?" He eyes were calculating.

"I didn't know right after, not until Dumbledore let slip that he took the memory from my sister and I asked him to watch it. I watched it over and over again. And there was so much blood. My sister was drowning in it."

I didn't tell him that I didn't watch it until recently, when I had left the common room that night after I had almost been murdered.

"And you remember it, word from word?"

"I'll remember it for the rest of my life."

His hand reaches across the small table and takes mine. "You _are_ a witch, Lily. One of the most brilliant I've ever met."

A tear drips onto our joined hands.

"I broke what I swore to you." He says suddenly, reaching with his free hand to wipe the tears from my cheek.

"What?"

"I told you that I wouldn't upset you today."

I laugh through my tears, wiping each one from my face before they could fall. "Oh James." I sigh. "You have no idea how good that felt, I've never told anyone that."

He smiles and drops my hand, standing up from the table. "Let's get out of here."

And then we were back on the path to Hogsmeade and everything was the same as before, except this time James Potter grabbed my hand and held on.

**XX**

**-Katarina's POV-**

Lily and James had left me today. James had woken me up at the crack of dawn and dragged me from my dorm. He apologized and told me that he was taking Lily away from all of this drama tomorrow, that he wanted to do something nice for her.

"_She deserves something nice, after all that's happened, doesn't she?" He had said._

_I smiled. Of course she did._

So I went back to bed and when I woke up they were gone.

They didn't see all the stares I got as I walked into the Great Hall or to all my classes. They didn't see the Slytherin's point and laugh at me. Screaming vile names at me. Even measly first years had walked by me and screamed, "_Mudblood Lover_!"

But I held my head high. As high as it could go.

But Sirius was there, finally. His warm hand placed on my back, letting me know he wasn't going to leave either. Not even when Tom came up to me and hugged me so tightly. Sirius didn't utter a word. He just stayed.

And that's where he was tonight. Siting with me on the window seat, staring out at the grounds. It was just starting to get dark but I watch mesmerized as the leave fell from the trees and were picked up by the wind. I started watching, trying to keep my eyes on a single leaf until it disappeared and then I'd start over finding a new leaf to watch fly away.

"Katarina?"

I glance away from the leaf and turn my head to face Sirius. He rarely spoke my full name but when he did, I knew it was something important.

"Sirius?" He doesn't speak. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." He says finally. "I'm so sorry Katarina, about everything."

"What are you talking about Sirius?"

He leans away from me, when I reach out to take his hand.

"I'm so sorry I kissed you back in September and then acted like it never happened. I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry for the way I've been acting."

"But Sirius, you already apologized. Last night, remember?"

He snorts. "That was hardly an apology. My pride was hurt, Kitty Kat." He says softly. "I was scared that you didn't want to kiss me too. And then you acted like it didn't happen and you still were with your boyfriend. And-"

"But Sirius I-"

"No, it's okay Kat. It's okay that you didn't want to kiss me back."

_But I did! _ I wanted to scream.

He continued on. "And it wasn't at first but I've moved on, I felt that I should tell you. I really like Melanie, she's a great girl."

I smile even though all I wanted to do was cry. "I'm happy for you Sirius. I really am."

He smiles too. "And I want us to go back to the way we were."

"Of course. We're mates." I say simply.

"Yeah, we are." He says softly, taking my hand.

I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Kat-"

I stop and turn away from him as the common room door opens. Lily and James walked in their cheeks still red from the cold. And James- he was smiling. And a burst of happiness swelled in my chest for my brother. Didn't he know how beautiful he was when he smiled? Didn't he know how happy he made everyone when he did? How happy he made _me_? I couldn't help but want to thank Lily for putting that smile on his face. And I couldn't help but want to thank James for putting _that_ smile on hers.

James leans down and brushes his lips softly on her temple. Her ears turned beat red and she looked so taken aback.

"James Potter." I heard her say. "What was that for?"

"For today." He says simply and turns away from her, walking up the boy's staircase. Lily watched him, not once looking away as people walked passed her and in and out of the common room door. And only when he completely disappeared did she smile.

She smiled so widely, the grin taking up her whole face and her brilliant green eyes lighting up in a way I didn't think possible.

"Wow." Sirius said after a moment.

"What?"

"She looks so happy."

So he had seen it too.

"Yeah, she does." I say, blinking back tears.

"Are you happy?"

I tear my eyes away from Lily and look at him.

I give a watery smile.

"I'm happy Sirius."

"Really?"

I nod my head. "Really."

James had said, _"She deserves something nice, after all that's happened, doesn't she?" _

But I couldn't help but thin,k when would get something nice to happen to me.

At the rate my life was going I could easily say,

_Never._


	18. When You're Gone

**Sorry I haven't updated, I've been trying to adapt to the college life. A bit hard to do if I say so myself. Well here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

**Don't forget to review. And thanks again to the people that have!**

**-smithchickx13**

Chapter eighteen- When You're Gone.

"_Benjy_!"

I rushed towards him, from where he was struggling between the arms of two masked death eaters.

"Let him go!" I shouted, shooting a curse at them, which the one on the right blocked effortlessly.

I stumbled back slightly.

_I had to get to them, they were going to leave. They were the only ones left!_

"Kat, _stop!_" Lily yelled from behind me.

I lunged forward as they began apparating, blood from my face splattering against the concrete, hoping to touch them so I would go too. I dived to the floor and reached for the left one's ankle but just as I was about to touch him, someone gave my legs a tug, and I skidded away from them

"_No!" _ I screamed loudly, trying to kick my feet out of their hold, still trying to reach for them.

A loud pop echoed through the room.

They were gone.

I ripped myself out of the person grip and turned around to see Docras.

My anger intensified. "What the fuck did you think you were doing?" I screamed at her. "I could have saved _him_!"

"I wasn't about to let you go into death eater territory." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well what about Benjy? You didn't care he was being taken there!"

"Of course I did." She said, placing her arms across her chest.

I clenched my jaw together and pointed my wand at her. "You foul _bitch_! Since when do you care what I do? You made it abundantly clear that you don't give a rat's arse about me and the one time, _the one time_, I could actually save Benjy you ruined it! He saved my life! Not only once but _twice_! And this is how you let me repay him? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Benjy!"

The rest of the order members watched us, unsure of when to step in, unsure of what to say.

"Of course I care about you." She yells. "You're my sister!"

"I'm not your bloody sister!" I say walking towards her and placing my wand on her throat. "You are selfish and rude and you don't give a damn about loyalty or _honor._ Maybe that's why you were a Slytherin. Just like _mother._" I taunt.

She pushes me away from her and pulls out her own wand. "Shut up!" She yells, her face bright red. "Shut the hell up!"

"Meadows!" Moody roars.

We both turn and look at him.

"Yes, both of you." He says in his deep thick voice. "This is gone on long enough. I won't tolerate the two of you fighting!"

I slip my wand up my sleeve and glare at her as I walk past. "I'll never forgive you for this. Just know that if Benjy dies, it's on your head. Not mine."

I slam into her shoulder hard and continue on my way. Lily rushes towards me and slips her arm through mine. "Let's say goodbye to your parents and get the bloody hell out of here."

"But what about Benjy?" I stop and say loudly looking about the room.

"Katarina- it's not certain that he will-"

I glare at Caradoc. "So just because his odds aren't that good you don't think we should _look _for him?"

No one says anything.

"What is wrong with you people? Benjy is our friend and a dammed good fighter! We can make it to him in time, he could _live._"

"It's most likely a trap, Kat." Frank tells me. "You know it, Benjy knows it, we all know it. They'll kill us all."

I bite my lip so hard that blood seeped through. "You guys aren't who I thought you were." I tell them and then spin on the spot, disappearing with a loud crack.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

When I woke up the next morning and saw the Katarina wasn't in her bed it felt like something the size of a bludger hit me in the chest. I sat up and took a deep breath.

_Maybe she was eating breakfast already. And if she wasn't at the Gryffindor table she was with Tom or Regulus. There is no way she'd leave._

With that thought in mind, I hurriedly get dressed, not even bothering to touch my hair and I all but ran into the common room. There were only a few people left.

_So I woke up late. No big deal, Kat is definitely just eating breakfast._

I push out of the common room door and run all the way down the stairs, jumping to the landing on the second floor as the staircase began changing. I sighed in relief briefly and continued running down the last flight of stairs.

I stopped at the entrance to the great hall and my eyes instantly landed on James. I moved my eyes over the boys, not once seeing that head of dark hair that I needed to see. I quickly looked left to the Slytherin table. My eyes moving over it until I saw Regulus.

_Kat wasn't there either._

I took a deep breath and slowly turned my head to the Ravenclaw table. Tom looked up and met my eyes. I swallowed thickly when he mouthed, "_Where's Kat?_"

I looked away from him and turned to the Hufflepuff's knowing, that there was no reason for Katarina to be sitting there but it was my last hope. My eyes roamed over every inch of that table. Every seventh year, every sixth year and so on.

_She wasn't there._

My heart froze.

A loud sound made it's way through the hall and everyone including me looked over head as a sleek black owl, that resembled more of an eagle swooped down and dropped a letter right in my hand.

I knew that owl, and I knew that handwriting.

_Lily, read away from watching eyes._

It said on the front. I locked eyes with Remus before tearing myself away and hurriedly walking away from the door, ripping open the letter as fast as my hands would let me.

_Lily if you're reading this then you obviously know I'm gone I can't-"_

That was all I had to read. "_No!_" I screamed before I could help myself. "Dammit, NO!"

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the boys stand quickly and begin to walk closer to me. My eyes scanned the rest of the letter, my heart dropping with each word. When I read the last line, my eyes blazed and without meaning to the letter in my hand caught fire, burning every inch of my hand.

"Lily!" A voice called. But it wasn't a voice I expected.

Emily was running towards me, her wand out shooting a jet of water on my hand.

"Emily." I choke out.

She grips my shoulders in her hands and as my knees give out she falls with me to the floor. Her arms wrap tightly around me as I sob on her shoulder.

"She's gone!" I cry.

"I know, baby." She says stroking my hair.

And then suddenly, Harry's there. Kneeling down next to us and wiping the steady trickle of tears off my face.

"It'll be alright Lily." He says calmly, even though his face with deathly pale.

"H-how did you know?" I ask softly.

"Got the letter not too long ago." She says pulling back slightly to look at me. "I knew you had gotten one too. I had to get to you before you did something stupid."

I look down just noticing that she was in her bedtime robes and Harry was dressed no better.

"The letter said not to look for her."

"I know." Emily told me.

"I'm going to look for her." I admit, locking eyes with Emily.

Her hazel eyes so much like James' stared back at me, as they swam with tears.

"I know that also."

"I won't stop until I find her." I say to them. "I can't stop, she- she's all I have _left._"

"You have us, Lily." Emily says softly as a few tears leak down her face. "Don't ever forget that, we're your family now."

I clench my jaw, forcing the tears to dry in my eyes.

"I-"

"She's gone, hasn't she?"

We all stand suddenly, Emily's arm still around my waist and I turn to find Dumbledore in the entrance Hall, but he wasn't alone. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were there too.

"Yes, Albus." I say calmly, not looking away from the boys, who eyes ranged from shock, to betrayed, to anger, and to deep sadness, because only one of the boys knew what this had meant.

"I knew this morning when she didn't show up for breakfast." He said, his blue eyes no longer twinkling behind his half-moon glasses.

"What?" James finally demands. "Are you talking about Kat? Where is _she_?"

"We don't know, son." His dad says taking a step a forward.

"You don't know? What the hell do you mean you don't know? Where could she have gone?" His eyes shoot to mine suddenly. "But you _know_, don't you Evans?"

I flinch as he spits out my last name.

"You two have been up to something all school year." He says continuing on. "Where is my _SISTER_?"

"I- I don't know James! I swear I don't-"

"Don't lie to me!" He screams, not letting me speak. "I trusted you! You told me you'd take care of her and now she's _gone_!"

"James Harry Potter, you stop this right now." Emily demands, her hazel eyes hardening. "This is _not _Lily's fault."

"Oh stand up for her then!" Sirius yells, stepping forward to stand next to his best mate. "That will make everything so much better! How do you even _know _them Evans?"

"Sirius now don't start-" Emily says only to stop suddenly as Remus approached quickly and took me out of her arms and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Tell me." He whispered in my ear.

"She left to find Benjy. He was taken last night." I breathe quickly.

"Remus!" Both Sirius and James yell.

He pushes himself out of my arms and turns to face James, shielding me from them. I glanced to the left slightly and the saw the betrayed look on their faces.

"Lily doesn't know where's she is. No one knows, but she left on her own free-will, she wasn't kidnapped and she wasn't forcefully taken out of this school. She _left._ So that means she'll be back." He finishes confidently.

"How do you know?" Sirius demands.

"Because she's Katarina," He says with a little shrug. "And when is she ever not around us?"

Both boys stop dead.

"She'll always fight to be with us, you know that right?" Remus tells them.

James swallows thickly and his eyes began to water. I was shocked. Without thinking I pushed past Remus and ran at James pulling him into my arms. He responded instantly holding me as tight as he could, his hands gripping my back. He buried his head in my neck, blinking furiously, his eye lashes fluttering against my bare skin. He did not cry.

"James." I whisper. "James, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, Lily." His mouth moving against my neck.

"It's not fine." I say a little louder then I meant to. "But I'll find her James. I swear to Merlin I won't stop until I do."

**XX**

I had no idea where to start looking, for the first time in my life I felt completely and utterly useless. She could be anywhere, absolutely anywhere in England and I had no idea where to begin. For nights on end I began to roam the forests, looking for any sign of hidden magic, looking for any sign of human life at all, but I found nothing.

After last week, James had hardly spoken two words to me. In fact he hadn't spoken much to anyone, save for the Slytherin's whom he's been brutally hexing.

I didn't blame him, really. It was a tough time for everyone, even I found myself taking out my own frustration of a few of the Slytherin's as they walked by in the hall ways. Remus was really the only one who seemed to be taking it okay. He was hopeful, entirely too hopeful in my opinion and Sirius seemed to agree with me wholeheartedly for he had taken to yelling at Remus every time he told us she'd be back.

But then again, Sirius had been yelling at me too. Especially because I hadn't been able to come up with a plausible excuse of how I had come to know the Potter's.

I sighed and leaned back against a tree utterly exhausted. I've hardly had any sleep, hardly had anytime to eat. My life consisted off, waking up (after two hours of sleep) going to lessons, checking in with Dumbledore, picking at my dinner, and then searching the forests until it began to get light out and then start all over.

I just still couldn't believe she was gone. And why, _why _in the name of Merlin didn't she ask me to go with her? Did she think I wouldn't? Because if that's it, she's crazy. She knows how much I value her opinion, how much I care for her. She's my best friend, closest thing to a sister I've ever had. I wouldn't even have hesitated to go with her.

I just don't understand how she could have-

I jumped wildly as a hand descended on my shoulder. I whipped around quickly, my wand pointed at the person.

"Lily, it's me."

I blinked my eyes a few times in the bright of the light at the tip of the persons wand. Bright blue eyes stared back at me.

"Albus." I say lowering my wand. "How did you find me…?" I trail off and in an instant my wand was pointed at him once more. "What were the last words I said to you in your office earlier tonight?" I demanded loudly.

"That you would continue looking, even if it took for the rest of your life."

I sigh deeply and lower my wand once more. "How did you find me?"

He held up his deluminator. "You muttered my name not too long ago, yes?"

"I-" I stop and think back. Had I muttered his name? It seemed likely, I did tend to talk to myself sometimes.

"I think it's about time you should be getting back, dear." He said softly, his wand light now pointed at the ground.

"What?" I ask quickly. "But it's hardly even eleven o'clock! I've got hours left to search, more places to look. I can't-"

"You friends are beginning to worry about you, particularly Mister Potter."

"That's impossible." My eyes lock on his. "James Potter has hardly looked at me in a week. Hardly spoken a word."

"He came to my office not shortly after you left and tried to pry out of me, what it is that you and his sister have been doing. He wanted to know if he could accompany you in looking for her. He believes that you shouldn't be the only one looking."

I kick at a stick lying next to my foot. "I wanted the job. Other's asked to help but I denied them. I wish to find her myself."

"But at what cost? How long can you continue on like this?" I didn't dare look up. "By the time you find her you'll be nothing but skin and bones."

This time I do look up. He hadn't said _if _like everyone else. "It's only been a week, I think I can determine how long I can do this. That would be up to me, yes?"

"Of course." He says quickly with a nod.

"I'll see you tomorrow Albus." I say taking a step back. "Same time?"

"I'll be there Miss Evans."

I smile slightly and with a loud crack, disappear leaving Dumbledore staring at the spot I once was.

**XX**

"Lily?"

Once again I found myself jumping. I was always jumpy these days. I had seen a lot of dodgy things in my searches for Katarina and I couldn't help but flinch at the littlest sounds, even if I was on Hogwarts grounds.

"No need to be frightened, Lily. It's only me."

I turn slowly, my heart still beating loudly in my chest. "I just haven't heard you speak in a long time, James. I thought you had forgotten how." My voice came out slightly bitter.

"I just didn't have anything to say." He stuck his hands deep in his pockets, his eyes not meeting mine.

"To me, you mean." He glanced up at my hard words. "You didn't have anything to say to me. You've been perfectly chummy to the other boys. Even speaking to _Dumbledore?_ Not once, but _twice_?"

He flinched. "You knew about that?"

"Of course I did." I snap. "The first time was over a week ago. And he told me you spoke tonight."

"Yes well, it's been two weeks since Kat's left." He stated as though I didn't know. "And I've hardly seen you do anything."

"Do _anything_?" I all but scream. "Are you joking me? I've been doing absolutely _everything _to find your sister! I've been losing sleep, skipping meals, trying to think like her, which is nearly impossible to do you know and what I've come up with was so extreme that I don't even know _how _I'm going to do it! But I have too! Because I'm going to find her."

"That's what I'm talking about." Before I can open my mouth he continues on. "Losing sleep, skipping meals. You have to _eat _Evans."

"I don't have to do anything." I say, narrowing my eyes. "Now if you don't mind I need to be going. Got more searching to do."

He reaches out to grab my wrist tightly as I move past. "Lily-"

"Don't." I say ripping from his grip. "Don't Potter, I've heard enough."

And with that I push past him fully heading towards the front gates of the school, ignoring his calls after me.

**XX**

**-James' POV-**

"James!" A voice screams loudly.

I stir slightly, "Hmm?"

"James, bloody hell wake up now! Its Lily she's-"

I jump up my eyes snapping open and look to where Remus was standing next to my bed. Blood covered his clothes.

"Remus-"

"It's not mine, its Lily's!" He starts heading towards the door. "Come _on_!"

As if he had to tell me twice, I was up in seconds running after him.

"Where are we going?" I demand as he leads me in the opposite way of the hospital wing and towards the Hogwarts grounds.

He doesn't answer me.

"Remus!" I yell.

He pushes open the gates and turns to me. "St. Mungo's."

And then he grabs onto my arms and like a whip I'm pulled forward, descending into darkness.


	19. Game On

Chapter nineteen- Game On.

She was screaming bloody murder when we had reached her room, the same room in which an old broad shouldered healer had just thrown us out of. But even though we were on opposite sides of the door that didn't mean that I couldn't tell what kind of pain she was in.

With each scream Remus' face paled to a color I never knew it could become.

"What the fuck happened?" I demanded of him, over the sound of her screaming. His hands started to shake. "Remus!"

"I- I was with Dumbledore when she spoke his name-"

I grabbed his shoulders. "Spoke his name, _what_?"

"He has this _thing _s-something he invented. And she spoke his name and then started screaming. A blue sort of bubble appeared out of nowhere. And D-dumbledore, he grabbed my arm and stepped _inside _it and disapparted. And we were in the forest and jets of lights were flying everywhere, some Lily blocked but most were breaking through. And in seconds of us appearing they started to disapparate."

"They?" I ask. "Who are they?"

He swallowed thickly.

"Death eaters." But it wasn't him who spoke.

I whipped around and saw my parents, my mother already had tears running down her face.

"Death eaters? Dad?" I asked, it was clearly him who had spoken.

He nodded his head.

Lily screamed again, my mother fell to her knees.

"Harry!" She cried. "We should have been there! Letting her go by herself all those _nights-_"

I watched as my Dad dropped to his knee in front of her. "She begged us to let her go alone."

"Doesn't mean we should have let her!" She screamed.

"Moody was following her every move and Albus was a call away." Dad said gently.

"And look what happened!" My Mother argued. "She will never go alone again."

"Emily, love-"

"_Never!"_ She yells over him.

"You're right." He says, helping her back to her feet and turning to face us again.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"James-"

"No, Mum!" I yell.

She flinches briefly.

"Everyone knows something! Even fucking _Remus_ knows! What is going on? Why were there Death Eaters there and where did Katarina go and _why _did she leave in the first place?"

All three of them exchanged looks.

"_Tell me!_" I demand.

"James what you have to understand is that-"

A healer stepped out of the room, cutting off whatever Mum was going to say. "You all may see her now."

Without a second glance my Mother rushed through the door, all but throwing the old healer out of her way. Dad was not to long after.

I looked to Remus. "You know something, mate. And this conversation isn't over."

His face had gained some color and his eyes were staring at me, trying to read my expression it seemed. "It is." He said eventually and then he too, walked into Lily's room.

I did so more slowly. When I got inside my parents were standing on one side, Remus on the other. I walked up to the bed and stopped dead. Lily was lying flat on the bed, her red hair pooled around the pillow, her face paler then death. Her torso was wrapped in a thick bandage and there were bruises covering every inch of her that I could see. She looked so small, lying there. Almost like a child.

"She just made it." The healer said, interrupting the long silence. "Had Mr. Lupin not gotten her here sooner she would have been lost to us. She suffered _many _internal injuries, plus massive brain bleeding."

_Brain bleeding._

"But she'll be alright, won't she?" Mum spoke up.

"And you are?" The healer asked. "Are her parents here?"

"I'm her mother." Mum said quickly. "Lily Potter, she's married to my son."

No one corrected her. My heart clenched.

"She'll wake up, full memory, full motor skills." The healer tells us. "She just might be a little-"

"A little _what?_" I can't help but ask during his hesitation.

"Slow recovering." He explains. "She'll have to be kept here for at least two weeks, where she'll be taught how to walk again. It won't be too long however, there are potions that we can give her, but even after the injury is fully healed she'll always have her bad days where walking will probably be more than painful."

"And children." My Dad asks, slowly, briefly looking in my direction. "She'll be able to have them, right?"

"It will be difficult. As you well know that process is particularly painful. And with such terrible internal injuries, especially to the spinal cord…Well it can be done."

"And that's all?" My Mum demands. "It can be done? But at what risk? _Her life?"_

"It's a possibility. But Mrs. Potter you _know _it can be done."

_What if Lily can't have children? What if it makes her like my Mum?_

I shook my head suddenly. It won't matter to me, but it may to her. I didn't even know if she _wanted _to have children one day. She didn't really seem the type.

"Yes." Mum says finally.

"Well I'll leave you alone with her. Once again, without you Mr. Lupin, Miss Evans would be lost." And with a quick nod he stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

"Katarina will be beside herself." Mum mumbles. "When she finds out, she'll have to come home, she'll have too-"

"Katarina was _there._" Remus says softly.

We all turn to him quickly.

"_What?_" We seem to ask in unison.

"I saw her. She was standing a little to the left of Lily and she was fighting hard and when the death eaters left, so did she."

"Sh-she didn't say anything?" Mum asks slowly as if scared of the answer.

"She told me to send word of Lily. And then she was gone." He looked devastated.

Mum turned to Dad quickly. "What Lily told us tonight…Do you think she was right? Do you think that _is _where she found Katarina?"

"There isn't a doubt in my mind." Dad answered shaking his head warily.

Mum turned to Lily a look of affection flashed across her face as she stroked hair off of her forehead. "Such a brave, loyal child. Such a lovely girl, you are Lily Evans."

**XX**

"Emily?" A voice croaked in the silence.

My head shot quickly to the girl lying on the bed, my mother was already at her side, gripping her hand tightly.

"I'm here, baby." She said to her, stroking her hair back from her face. "We're all here."

"Katarina?" Her green eyes shined with hope.

Mum bit her lip unable to answer. I sighed deeply and walked over to her bed. Her eyes met mine and began to crumble. She _knew _what I was going to say.

"She didn't come."

I shake my head.

Tears slip down her cheeks. "_Dammit!_" She cries, slamming her fist down on the bed. "Dammit!"

"Lily maybe you should-"

"Do not tell me to calm down, Remus Lupin!" She explodes. "I will not bloody calm down, you have no idea- no idea that she- I- UH!" She was unable to finish, her pale face flushing deeply with anger.

"So she was." Dad asked softly.

"Yes." Lily said simply. "Yes."

Mum's lower lip trembled.

"You're done." Dad said suddenly. "You're not to search alone anymore."

"Harry-"

"No, Lily." He says sternly, a look I hardly ever saw in his eye. "I'll talk to Albus. I will not lose you too, it won't happen. Emily won't be able to _handle _it."

She turns her head to stare at my mother. "Emily-"

"Lily, _please._ You need to stop this. I know what you're doing, I know that you're-"

"Emily." She interrupts softly. "You're not my Mother."

She didn't state this rudely, she stated as a fact. But if I knew Lily, like I was almost positive I did. I knew that she wished my Mum was her Mum more than anything in the world.

"I wish to Merlin I was." Mum replied, her head falling down to the bed.

Lily's hand came up and stroked my Mum's head. "I know Emily, but I can't stop."

This moment seemed so private that I had to right the urge to turn my head. I've only seen my mother act like this around Katarina, exactly how close had my Mum and Lily become? And how did they even meet in the first place. And Dad? He had never looked more scared in his life at the sound of Lily's screams.

"-Reckless Lily, too reckless." I heard my Mum say.

Lily sighs deeply, my Mother's head was back up and looking down on her again.

"My wand." Lily says suddenly. "Please someone tell me they have-"

Remus handed her wand over slowly. She seemed relieved. And a second later her patronus was standing next to her bed, a beautiful glowing doe. I was momentarily shocked at the sight. Had her patronus always been a doe?

Warmth seemed to radiate through the room. Lily seemed to breathe easier. She looked directly in its eyes.

"Katarina, I'm alive. And I'm still going to continue searching. It won't be much harder now, I'm disappointed I found you so easy in the first place. Every time you move, I'll find you. Hope you become more creative, I look forward to it." A smirk seemed to grace her swollen lips. And then the doe was trotting off leaving the room completely and would probably find Katarina at any minute.

"You two always were so strange." Emily mutters after a few minutes. "Become more creative, honestly." She says shaking her head.

Lily tried to shrug but seemed to think better of it as a wave of pain flashed across her face. "It'll piss her off. Now I can't wait to see what she comes up with next."

"It's not a bloody game Lily." I find myself hissing.

"That's exactly what it is James." She says looking me straight in the eye. "And I intend to _win._"

Katarina's patronus appeared not a second later. A brilliant lioness, warmth flooded the room once again.

Kat's voice rang out in the room: "_Game On._"

And if she was here, I knew there would have been a smirk on her lips.

**XX**

**-Lily's POV-**

"Christmas break begins next week, you know that don't you?"

"Of course I know." I snap at Remus, completely irritated.

I wanted out of this bed, I wanted out of this hospital. I needed to be searching for Katarina. Now that I knew what she was doing, now that I _knew _she was impersonating a death eater I had to find her now more than ever. We both needed to be home. But the only problem was, where exactly was my home?

I guess I could live in the Order's house, stay in Katarina's old room. I doubt she'd mind. But I don't really fancy living with Dorcas. We used to get along but lately, especially now that Katarina's missing we've been arguing like mad. I almost hexed her from my hospital bed, just yesterday.

"Well where are you going to go?"

I shrugged my shoulder and grimaced. The back pain had hardly subsided, but at least after a week, the walking had been getting better. I only fell twice yesterday.

"Lily?" A wave of worry washed across his handsome features.

I gave him a tight smile and patted his hand. "Don't look so worried, darling. I'm fine."

"Lily?"

I sober completely at the serious look his face had taken.

"Rem, what is it?"

He took his hand out from under mine and plunged them into his robes pulling out a piece of parchment. "I got this today."

It wasn't just a piece of parchment, it was a letter. And it had Katarina's handwriting on the front of it.

"It's from Kat."

I nodded my head.

"You're coming home with me for break." He says then. "In fact you're going to be living there from here on out."

Tears threaten to burst from my eyes.

"I was going to tell you this anyway, but Kat just wrote to me to make sure I brought you to our house-"

"Your house?" I interrupt quickly. "You and Kat live together?"

He looked confused. "Kat didn't tell you?"

I shook my head. "I always assumed she still lived with the Potter's."

"She moved out this summer, and I felt it time I got out of my own house. My mum and I don't get along you see."

I nodded my head, already knowing some of what he said.

"But anyway, we have another bedroom in our flat and it's yours."

A tear dripped down my cheek. "I love you, Remus." I say meaning it with everything I had.

I did love Remus Lupin. He was everything I'd always wanted to be. Brave, loyal, understanding, kind, and patient. He was my brother in every sense of the word and sometimes I wondered where I'd be if he didn't pick up my bag that day in Potions, and tell me about his father dying.

His amber eyes met mine straight on. He smiled warmly. "I love you too, Lily Evans." He wiped the tear from my cheek. "My friend, and my sister."

My heart beat frantically in my chest.

Someone cleared their throat.

James Potter stood in the doorway his eyes moving back and forth between Remus and I. For some reason I had the urge to try and explain,

"James we were just-"

He held a hand up to stop me for speaking. He hadn't wanted to talk to me since it happened. Especially when he found out I wouldn't be telling what had happened. He hadn't left though. He was there every day by my bedside, holding my hand when I was learning to walk again, picking me up when I fell. He was always _there._

"Mate, I'm going to go pop into Hogwarts for a little bit, Sirius is getting worried." Remus said standing up, my hand slipping from his. "I'll be back." He said this time directed towards me. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and then strode from the room.

It was just James and I and the silenced drug on.

"James, speak to me." I said quietly. "It's been over a week."

He said nothing.

"How much longer can we can on like this? Please talk to me. James I'm begging you, you have no idea how much I-"

"And what exactly would you like me to say Lily?" He finally says, whipping his head around and staring me right in the eyes.

"Anything." I said truthfully.

"Well I'm angry. I don't know anything. No one will tell me. And I'm angry at you, for thinking you can do everything by yourself all the time. I'm angry at you for lying to me all the time and mostly I'm angry at myself that I can't do _anything_. I just feel so helpless. You were in so much pain and I was so scared and you-"

I place my hand over his. "I'm okay, James." I tell him squeezing his hand tightly. "I'll be okay."

"You're not okay Lily. You haven't been for a very long time." He doesn't look away.

I do, I tilt my head down, hiding myself from his eyes, but he doesn't want any time in placing his fingers lightly under my chin and pushing my head back up.

"You're right." I tell him. "Sometimes I'm not okay. Sometimes, it's hard to even get out of bed, sometimes it feels like I have not a person left in the world. But then I remember Katarina, and Remus, Sirius and Peter, I remember _you_ James. I remember you. And then suddenly I'm okay."

He moves his hand away from my face and lunges at me, hugging me tightly against his chest. Something wet drips down my cheek, a tear that did not come from.

"James Potter." I say surprised.

"Don't leave me again." Is all he says.

"I won't." I tell him, knowing with all my heart that it wasn't the truth. I rub my fingers lightly through his hair. "I'll never leave you again, James."

He didn't respond, because he knew too. He didn't call me out on my lie, he just held on.


	20. Now I've Done It

**Aaaaaand another chapter. Sorry about how long I'm taking to write these. I lost inspiration for a while and time too, and now I'm just starting to get both back. Hope you all enjoy.**

**Also I own no one but my OC's!**

**Chapter twenty**- Now I've Done It

I was back at school and it was strange. People were asking me where I'd been, whispering about me in the corridors, staring at me as I walked by. It was unnerving. The story was I had been in a terrible broomstick accident. An accident which left me learning to walk again. It had actually taken more than two weeks to get back. Instead it had been closer to a month. The second I thought I was recovering I had spiraled down again, my legs so shaky, my back in searing pain. At least there were only a few days left of term. Dumbledore said I could wait it out, but I insisted to go back. Now I'm wishing I would have just listened.

"You alright Lily?"

I turn my head to the left and smile at Sirius. "Just wishing I would have stayed home."

"I figured as much." He said with a smile. "I just realized you didn't lie to me." He says then staring at me with wide eyes. "I would have expected a lie out of you."

I bite my lip and look away slightly. "I'm trying not to anymore. Especially because of what happened. I know it hurts you all that you can't know about what goes on. So I'm going to try to be truthful about everything else."

He thinks about it for a moment. "That seems fair." His face hardens suddenly. "Although, I won't necessarily forgive you for not telling me where Katarina is."

"I'm surprised you even noticed she was gone what with you stuck up your girlfriends arse, every second you get." I retort sharply.

His face brightens red in anger. "And what do you know Evans?" He yells loudly the common room turning towards us. James looks up, affronted and starts towards us.

"I know that you're in love with her and that you're too scared to fess up." I hiss. "I know that your cute little girlfriend is a cover up." He looks shocked. "I'm a great liar Sirius, I can recognize another when I see one."

James finally makes it to us. "What in bloody hell is going on over here?"

"Nothing, James." Sirius says quickly, reaching over and giving my hand a squeeze of apology. "We're just fine, aren't we Lily?"

I squeeze his hand back tightly, let him know I was sorry too and smile directly at him. "Of course we are Sirius."

He smiles back.

**XX**

"Lily?"

I look up from my textbook. "Yeah James?"

"Want to go for a walk outside? It's starting to snow."

I look away from him now and towards the window and indeed it was. The sky was dark, pitch black, seeing as it was closer to one in the morning but white was falling all around. I knew I would love to, it was the first snow of the season but my back twisted with pain at the thought. It hadn't been a very good day.

"Lily?"

James asks, tearing me from my thoughts.

"I would love to James, it's just my back-"

"It hurts today, yeah? Too much walking?"

I nod my head.

"Put your book down."

I raise an eye brow at him, but place the book on the couch next to me. Then suddenly he's swinging me up in his arms and throwing the cloak around us in one swift movement.

"James! Where are we-"

"Shhh." He says as he steps outside of the common room.

I nod my head against his chest, breathing in his scent.

He walks quickly, in the direction to which I know to be the astronomy tower. I smile slightly at the thought.

"This isn't hurting your back is it?" He whispers, his mouth against my ear.

"No." I say truthfully. I had completely forgotten about the pain in my back. I had completely forgotten everything but James.

He seemed to always have the effect on me. Captivating all my attention the second he walks into a room.

Finally he places me on the ground, dropping quickly next to me and conjuring a blanket to place around our shoulders.

"It's beautiful." I say, staring at the snow falling all around.

He nods his head in agreement.

"Do you think she's okay?" He says finally, not taking his eyes away from the forest in front of us. "Do you think she's safe?"

"James-I-"

"Don't lie, please." He begs, turning my face to look at him in the eye. My eyes meet a burning hazel and I melt.

"No." I tell him. "No she is not alright, and I don't think she's safe. I'm scared every day and every night before I go to sleep. There is not a moment she isn't on my mind. I would give anything to go look for her again. I could find her again, I'm certain I could. But no one will let me, and it's so damn frustrating!" I say hitting my fist on the ground.

"Don't you understand? We're scared you won't come back." He says, hiding his face from me. "And we can't afford to lose you too."

I stare at him, looking at the side of his face. "I- I'm not going to say I wouldn't do that."

He still doesn't look at me.

"Because I would. I would leave, just like Katarina. It would be hard. It would be so so hard. Do you think I want to leave you James?"

He doesn't answer.

"Do you really think I want to?" I shake my head and demand for him to look at me. He looks but after a few moments. "I don't want to leave you, James. Or Remus, or Sirius or even Peter. But some things have to be done. And Katarina knew that. Don't ever think that she wanted to leave you. I'm sure she misses you every day."

He looks away again and I grab his hand. He squeezes my hand tightly.

"When-When's the next time you're going to leave again?" He asks slowly. "When are you going to start looking?"

I sigh. "Not until break." I tell him honestly.

"So we have 3 days."

"James, I'm not leaving for good." I remind him. "I'll be gone most days and some nights. I'll still be there. You can come over and visit me whenever you want. You can wait for me if that's what you want. Anything James, anything you want."

"You'll be at the Annual Potter Christmas Party?" He asks.

I smile widely. "Of course James, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"And you'll be careful?" He holds my eyes, still squeezing my hand tightly.

"I will do everything and anything I can."

That seemed to be good enough for him for he turned his head away from me and stared back at the snow.

"Okay." He says slowly. "Okay."

"James?" I say suddenly.

Something in my voice made him turn to look at me. "What is it Lily?"

"I just feel like I need to say something but I don't really know what it is." I say truthfully.

"I know." He tells me. He puts his one arm around me, pulling me closer to him, his other hand quickly going back to my hand.

I place my head on his shoulder.

His lips are at my ear.

"Let's just not say anything."

I nod my head and close my eyes, drifting off to the sound of his heartbeat.

**XX**

"Remus!"

The boy in question turns his head and stops to wait as I catch up.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past two minutes." I tell him, breathing heavily as I finally fall into place at his side.

"I'm sorry." He says gently, placing his arm around my back to guide me. "I've just had a lot on my mind." He stops suddenly and looks down at me. "How did you find me anyway?"

"James told me how to find you."

A smile twitches at his lips and his amber eyes sparkle. "I bet he did."

"How he knew, I can only guess. I had my doubts, but he turned out to be right."

Remus starts walking again, the same smile still on his face. "Lily, there isn't much James doesn't know."

I sigh. "I'm beginning to see that."

His thumb rubs a small circle on my back as we walk. "What is it that you wanted to see me about?"

"Oh right." I say, stopping and turning towards him.

"Lily." He begins startled by the expression on my face.

I bite my lip. "I haven't exactly asked Albus yet, but I was thinking-"

Remus looks nervous.

"It's not bad, Rem." I console. "It's just, I know James is worried and Merlin, Harry and Emily are going out of their minds and I thought maybe, just _maybe _if I had someone to help me at night, they wouldn't be so nervous anymore. That if I wasn't alone-"

"Lily you're rambling." Remus interrupts.

"I want you to help me look for Katarina."

He looks shocked. "_Me?_"

"Yes you." I say seriously. "Who else?"

"Lily, I haven't had proper training. I know basic defensive spells, and I know theory but I haven't actually preformed any of the magic that I know you're capable of."

"I'll teach you." I say placing a hand on his arm.

He looks uneasy.

"Remus you are one of the most brilliant wizards I know. You know how to remain calm when things get tough. We saw that not too long ago when you saved my life." I squeeze his arm tighter.

"Dumbledore will never go for it." He says finally.

"I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do." I smile softly at him. "You were planning on joining after school, yeah?"

"Of course."

"Great!" I exclaim, and start walking again, making sure to keep hold of his arm. "Let's go talk to Dumbledore."

"Lily-"

"Hush, it'll be fine."

I look at him out of the corner of my eye. He sighs and then a soft smile forms on his lips. He takes his arm out of my hand, instead replacing it with his own.

"I'm in."

I give his hand a squeeze.

**XX**

"Welcome home." Remus says, unlocking the door of his- _our _flat and opening the door wide so I can walk in first.

It was very simple. Cream colored walls, dark wood floors, big comfy couches. They had a muggle tv, probably more for Remus who had grown up a half-blood. There was a dining room directly behind the living a decent size table, big enough to fit ten people. A small archway led into a small kitchen, full with cooking applicances.

"Where are the bedrooms?" I ask Remus.

I turn and notice him already on one of the couches, the TV set turned on. He looks at me and stands up.

"Come on," He says waving his hand and gesturing me to follow him.

I walk into the living room and follow him down narrow hallway I hadn't noticed before. There were four doors, two on each side. The first door on the left, he told me was the bathroom, Second on the left was Katarina's bedroom. Remus's bedroom was directly across from the bathroom and mine was to be directly across from Katarina's. I walked in my bedroom, only to find me trunk already inside it. Also various other things that had been in my old home.

"How-" I ask trailing off in amazement, picking up an old photo of me and my parents.

"James' parents picked them up. We all thought it would be a good idea."

I place the photo down and throw my arms around him. "Thank you." I tell him sincerely. "Thank you so much, Remus."

**XX**

I was alone, as I often was most nights. Remus wouldn't be permitted to accompany me until his training was complete. He wasn't an official order member yet. Dumbledore had told him to wait until he graduated.

I sighed and squinted in the dark.

_Why hadn't anyway evented a spell that could make you see better in the dark?_

Lighting my wand would be too risky. I didn't know these woods they could be-

CRACK.

I jumped slightly, before realizing the crack was the sound of my boot stepping on a stick.

_And a spell to have quiet footsteps? That would be useful too._

I shake my head and look around, trying to keep my mind off of James as much as possible. It was hard though. I didn't understand why he wouldn't write. It's been a week since I've last heard from him and that was when we said goodbye at Kings Cross. Was he waiting for me to write? I mean after all we've been through together. I thought he would at least owl me. Maybe I was as important to him as he came to be to me. What would-

A loud crack sounded again tearing me from my thoughts. This time I knew it wasn't _me _ who had made the sound. I spun around slowly, my wand at the ready and stared in the face of 3 cloaked death eaters.

Realization struck me then. The stick hadn't been just any random stick, it was a signal to the death eaters. I must be close then. I thought with a grin.

Really close.

"Well look what we have here." The one on the left said. His voice thick and dripping with hate.

I had no time for conversation, not if I wanted to get out of the sitatuion alive.

"_Stupefy!_" I screamed loudly, my wand pointed at the first death eater. It hit him squarely in the chest, catching him off guard. He flew back about 15 feet slamming in to a tree. His head made a loud crack, like the sound of a watermelon bursting open on contact.

The two other death eaters jumped into action. Two spells came at me at once, I threw up a shield charm as quickly as I could. The force of their spells and my shield charm, knocked me off my feet.

A curse got me then. One that I did not know, cutting deeply into my shoulder. It burned badly and I could feel blood dripping down my arm.

I hissed in pain and from my position on the ground sent a curse at the death eater on the left. He began to scream as his body caught fire. This threw the other death eater of guard.

I got to my feet and started to run as fast as I could to the death eater I had stunned in earlier. I could see jets of lights whizzing past me. I turned only once a threw up a shield charm. I finally reached the first death eater and grabbed his wrist, appartating on the spot.

**XX**

I landed with a loud crack in my flat, the death eater still attached to my hand. I dropped him uncarelessly to the floor and looked up.

Remus and James were staring at me wide eyed.

"What did you do?" Remus demanded a moment after, his eyes not leaving mine. "What the _hell _did you do?"

I sighed and placed a hand on my burning shoulder, do everything I could not to look at James.

"I was searching for Kat. I stepped on a stick, apparently it wasn't just any stick but it signal the death eaters. I'm guessing I was close to one of their hideouts. Three came, I stunned him right away." I say gesturing to the man or woman on the floor. "I dueled for a little bit, before setting another death eater on fire. His friend got distracted and I ran for him and grabbed him. And well, here we are."

Remus nods his head. "Okay, right. But that doesn't explain why you BROUGHT A DEATH EATER INTO OUR HOME!" He said his voice rising with each word. A vein in his forehead starting to stick out.

I cast a silencing charm around our flat. "Remus, keep it quiet." I demand.

"Lily." He starts.

"I thought I could question him." I say finally. "You know, sort of keep him as a hostage. We might be able to find out-"

"But that isn't really your job is it, Lily?" James says, speaking for the first time. "That would be the aurors job, right?"

I wave him off. "Well I have him now, might as well-"

I stop as the death eater lift his head off of the floor, his eyes glazed over. "What-?"

I don't give him time to come to. Instead I slam my boot on the side of his head, effectively knocking him out again.

Remus rolls his eyes, but James stares at me in shock.

"Who are you?"

"What do you mean who I am?" I ask, finally looking at him in the face.

"I don't know this Lily. You wouldn't hurt anyone."

"That's where you're wrong James. These people-" I say nudging the death eater with my boot. "They kill people like me, just because they can. There is a war going on James, and if I have the chance to take down a couple of death eaters, well I'm damn well going to do it!" I didn't realize that I had started to yell until Remus gave me a stern look.

"And look where that got you last time!" James yells back, his face growing redder by the second. "You landed yourself right in 's! You don't know how to go up against them! You're just a seventh year! You don't know the type of magic it takes to-"

"No James, _you _don't know." I say effectively cutting him off. "I'm the smartest witch in our year. There isn't much I don't know. I know magic that you wouldn't even dream about. Don't tell me what I do and don't bloody know."

He shakes his head. "I'm leaving." He walks towards the door, knocking into my shoulder as his passes. "Have fun with your death eater."

And then he slams the door shut.

I sigh and close my eyes. "Well now I've done it."

"That you have." Remus says.

I open my eyes and see him leaning down and lifting the death eater up as if he weighed no more than 50 pounds and placed him in a chair. He slipped his wand out of his sleeve and the suddenly there were heavy looking chains covering his whole body and with another flick the chair was bolted to the floor.

I walk towards him admiring his handy work.

"Very nice." I comment.

He smiles slightly. "Thanks, do you even know who the wanker is?"

"No, haven't really gotten the chance."

He nods his head, "Well it's now or never I guess." He leans forward and slips the mask off.

At first I thought it was a trick. There was no way Sirius Black was standing in front of me. And then for the second time that night realizations struck me.

Remus was quicker on the uptake. His voice was more menacing then I've ever heard it.

"Regulus."


	21. Karma's a Bitch

**So sorry for the wait for this chapter. I had such a hard time writing this, and you'll see why as you read it. I hope you all enjoy!**

Chapter twenty one- Karma's a Bitch.

Five days and about 25 letters later and James was still not responding to me. No matter what I said I couldn't get him to answer back. Lately all my letters only had one word on them.

_Please._

I needed him to speak to me. Didn't he understand how much better my life was with him in it? Those long nights in the forest were nothing but long and the days in the flat with Remus and Regulus were nothing but stressful. Just one word from James would make it go away.

"Really Lily, that's what you're worried about?" Remus snaps breaking me from my thoughts.

"Well he's answering you!" I retort.

"Lily we have a death eater in Katarina's room!" He yells. "Not just any death eater but Sirius' brother! Shouldn't you be more worried about that?"

I sigh and rub a hand over my forehead.

"We have to tell someone we have him Lily. James said he wouldn't tell Sirius but-"

"No." I say finally.

"No what?"

"Sirius has to know." Remus looks appalled. "I won't lie to him anymore. Owl him, and Peter and James. Tell them to come over. Then we'll decide what to do."

**XX**

"Hello Lily." Regulus says pleasantly as I walk through the door.

I conjure a chair with a wave of my wand and sit directly in front of him.

"Regulus." I say with a nod.

"These are becoming a daily occurrence yes?"

I raise an eye brow at him. "What?"

"You coming in and sitting with me. You come in at night too when you think I'm sleeping. What is it that you're looking for?" He asks slowly.

"I don't know." I admit.

"Lie."

I shake my head. "You're Sirius' little brother. You're my best mate's, best friend. And you're a death eater. Why?"

"The dark lord-"

"Don't give me that crap about Voldemort, Regulus." I say with exasperation. "I don't believe you, not for one second. You're scared."

"Of who, you? Don't make me laugh."

"You should be scared of me." I tell him seriously. "I've owled Sirius, he's on his way."

"Lily-"

"Tell me where Katarina is." I demand. "Tell me and I'll let you go."

"I've only seen her once." He says quickly. "She told me what she was doing and I tried to stop her but she's disappeared. We get so many new followers that I can't tell which one she is. I keep looking out, trying to figure out which one is her but she a damn good liar, with a damn good disguise."

"So you don't know where she is?"

He shakes his head no. "But I do look out for the new recruits, hoping that I'm still protecting her somehow."

"How?"

"How what?"

"How can you be this person and be a death eater at the same time. How can you still want to protect her, you'd go even as far to answer me but we're on different sides." I slam my hands down on my legs. "You and Katarina are on different sides. And your brother-"

"I don't expect you to understand. I'm doing what I have to. Just as you are."

"Excuse me?"

He looks directly into my eyes. "You're lying to everyone you love, aren't you? Don't judge me Lily Evans. We're actually not all that different."

"I don't torture people, I don't kill-"

"You haven't killed _yet._" He corrects. "Give it sometime. Wait until you see someone like me with a black hood killing or torturing someone you love. You won't stand by idly. Sometimes you just kill and you don't think twice about it."

I stayed silent.

"How are we going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"How are we going to make it look like I escaped? I know that's why you're here now. I know you don't really want Sirius to see me like this." He didn't blink.

"Very observant." I tell him with a smirk. I wave my wand and the manacles fall away from his body.

He stretches his hand and ankles out and smiles. It reminded me so much of Sirius that it took my breath away.

"Do you have my wand?"

I pulled it out of my robes and tossed it at him. He caught it quickly.

"And now?" He asks.

"What do you know about wandless magic Regulus?"

"Nothing. I've seen Katarina do it, but I've never learned."

"Well this is what I'm going to say. We were talking. I was trying to dig information out of you and I was calling you names and I pissed you off, so much so that you performed wandless magic. It happens you know, when a witch or wizard get too angry or feel that they are in danger. And your manacles exploded and you tackled me to the ground. And stole your wand and disapparated."

"Okay."

"Okay."

He walks up to me and places his hands on my shoulders. "Find her Lily Evans." He whispers. And then his mouth is brushing my cheek. "Save her." He presses a kiss gently on my cheek. I didn't see what he did next but then the dresser was being over thrown and he was disapparting.

I quickly threw myself on the ground and grabbed a wand making a quick slash across my cheek.

Then suddenly four boys burst through the door.

"Lily!" Sirius yelled bending down and grabbing my shoulders in his large hands. "Are you okay? What happened? Where's my brother."

I look to the chair that I had spent days, watching Regulus in.

"He's gone." I say quietly and pull Sirius into a hug. "He's gone."

Sirius pulls back from me and stares me directly into the eyes just like his brother did only minutes before. "Are you hurt?" His hand swipes across my cheek, his fingers coming away with blood.

I push him away and stand up slowly, reminding myself I'm supposed to be hurt.

"No I'm okay."

I look around him and stare at James. He looks right back at me.

"James can you-"

He holds up a hand, cutting me off. He looks at me for a second longer before turning around and walking out.

"I'm sorry!" I shout after him. I push past the boys and try following him out.

"James, please!" I shout just as he turns on his heel and disapparates on the spot.

**XX**

"I don't even want to go." I tell Remus, looking at his face in the mirror where he stands behind me zipping up my dress robes.

I hear the zipper stop, and he places a hand on my shoulder and leans closer to me.

"Lily." He sighs.

I spin around quickly and face him.

"I really don't! He's not even speaking to me. He could barely even look at me the last time he was here!"

"You're whining like a child." He tells me with a pat on the cheek, before turning around and walking out.

"Remus!" I yell after him.

He doesn't answer me.

"Remus John!"

"Something you needed, love?" Sirius asks, peeking his head into my doorway with a large grin on his face.

"Remus told me I was being a child."

He smiles wider. "You _are _being a child, love." He walks closer to me and tugs on one of my curls. "You should leave your hair down more often. It's beautiful."

I give a half smile. "Thanks, Sirius."

"I don't really know myself, why James won't speak to you." He admits. "But you mean a lot to him, Lily. Everyone can see it. He's not going to not speak to you forever."

"That's a lot of negatives." I point out.

"That's the truth." He counters with a smirk.

"Wasn't he not speaking to me a month ago?" I ask with a sigh.

He taps me on the nose and laughs out loud. "Only you can drive James that crazy, Lily Evans."

**XX**

The party was in full swing by the time I walked in with Remus and Sirius on either side of me, each of them escorting me with their elbow.

"Lily!"

I whip my head to the right only to be rushed at by two red haired boys.

"Gideon! Fabian!" I exclaim as they push the boys aside and spin me around in hug.

"You're looking-" Gideon starts,

"Ravishing tonight, Lily Evans." Fabian finished.

"Thank you, boys. So do you."

"Oh Evans, don't make me blush." Fabian says pretending to fan of his cheeks.

"Seriously, my cheeks are already turning red!" Gideon exclaims doing the same thing.

I shake my head and laugh.

"Save us a dance later, Evans!" Both boys call as they march off.

"They were sure something." Sirius mutters, shaking his head returning back to my side and sliding his arm through mine.

I spotted James over by the drinks, chatting with a tall blonde girl. My lips instantly tightened around my mouth. I didn't like the way she had a hand gently laid across his arm.

_What was she playing at? _I thought as she laughed loudly showing off a perfect row of white teeth.

"Stop it Lily." Sirius hissed from my right. Following my line of sight. "That's a distant cousin or something."

"Stop what?" I asked innocently rearranging my features. "I wasn't do anything."

Remus snorts loudly from my left.

"Oh stuff it. Both of you."

I knew exactly where their steps were leading me but I really wished they hadn't been. We reached them just as the girl looked at me and gave a knowing stare.

"I'll talk to you later, James." And with a quick kiss on the cheek she was gone.

James turned and looked at the three of us. And indifferent expression on his face.

"Don't act as though you thought I wasn't going to bring her, James." Remus says in cool tone.

For some reason unknown to myself, I slip my arms from Remus and Sirius.

"Don't act as though I'm stupid Evans." James says ignoring Remus and addressing me for the very first time.

I stared at him in shock.

"Well?" He demands. "Do you think of me as an idiot? Did you _think _ I really wouldn't figure it out?" His face getting noticeably angrier by the minute.

I saw the boys slip away out of the corner or my eye. I saw Emily and Harry start towards us only to stop at the expression on my face. Harry put a hand on Emily's back and whispered something in her ear.

I took a step forward. "James, figure what out? I don't understand." I saw slowly. "I haven't done anything wr-"

"You haven't done anything wrong?" He explodes.

Other guests turn and look in our direction. I quickly grab his arm, he tries to pull it away but I hold on tighter.

"Not here James." I say quietly.

He looks at me for a moment and whatever was written on my face made him agree with me. He slid his arm away from my hold and into my hand, our fingers laced together.

I breathed out a deep sigh and let him lead me towards the doorway. We passed Sirius and Remus and Peter who all stood in a closed off circle, staring at us as we passed. Sirius threw a wink at me. We placed Alice and Frank, both of which offered me a small smile and then lastly we pasted Harry and Emily. James stopped for only a moment to allow them to kiss me on the cheek, yet he didn't release my hand.

"Take a deep breath sweetheart, you'll be fine." Emily had whispered in my ear.

And then we were walking again, towards and out the door.

He turned to me and releasing my hand, which had suddenly felt very cold.

I shivered.

"You look beautiful." He says quickly. "I should tell you that."

I looked down at my satin emerald green dress robes and blushed the color of my hair.

"And you James you look-" I didn't even have a word for how he looked.

His eyes were molten, burning a deep amber. His hair still a mess of black and his black dress robes fit him perfectly. My heart gave a tug.

"Lily." He said stepping closer to me. "I don't want to yell at you."

"So don't." I barely whisper.

"I know." He says quietly his eyes boring into mine. "I know what you do. You're a me-"

"LILY!" a voice shouted so loudly I whipped my head around to stare at the ballroom and screamed out in horror.

Black hooded figures were flooding the room, shooting out green lights from there wands at rapid pace.

"Death eaters." I hiss loudly, and slip my wand out from the opening of my dress robes on my thigh.

"James, you must stay here." I say quickly.

"Lily no, my parents are in there!"

"They can take care of themselves just-"

Fire shot towards us, coming from an unknown wand. I slashed my wand through the air, and it bounced off of us.

"Lily you-"

I looked towards him and for some reason I didn't know, leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth. I looked at him one more time before racing off and into the battle.

I passed Sirius who dueling with a large cloaked figure. I stunned him quickly and grabbed Sirius' arm.

"Lily?"

"Look at me Sirius. Look around you, please get James and Peter and get out of here."

"What about you and Remus?" He ask quickly as I block a jet of red light heading towards us.

"I don't have time to explain, I need you to-"

"Lily!" I recognized the voice this time.

_Remus._

My eyes search the room and I see him dueling three death eaters, Peter laying unconscious on the floor."

"Sirius-"

He grabbed my arm. "I'm coming with you, now go!"

And then we were running, passing the twins who were dueling with speed and accuracy, passed Albus who took on five death eaters at time, and past Emily who smiled widely at the pain on her death eaters unmasked face.

I shot off a stunning spell so quickly the death eater didn't even have time to see the face of the person who took him down. Sirius threw himself next to me, distracting one of the death eaters from Remus, who was bleeding just about everywhere a person could bleed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a death eater. But what was familiar about this death eater I couldn't say. Maybe it was the size or the eyes behind the mask, or the way they only seemed to stun other death eaters when no one was looking for maybe it was the fact that I knew who it was.

Or should I say who it was.

_Katarina._

I quickly finished off my death eater and started towards her. I tore my arm from James grasp and started running. I heard a scream. A scream I had only heard once in my life and it tore my heart to shred. I spun around and stared as Emily Potter was in midair, her body contorted into pain.

A death eater laughed below her.

_The cruciatus curse._

I started towards them at the same time as Katarina.

"How does this make you feel Harry Potter?" The death eater yells, where Harry was on his knees his arms bound in front of him, his wand on the floor. I saw other order members trying to break free of their fight but, the death eaters fought hard. Fought hard to preserve this moment. I kicked a death eater running towards me, and stabbed at his eye with my wand as he went down on his knees.

"You will not save her." The death eater shouts.

"MUM!" James screamed so loudly, the sound tore at my heart.

I watched Katarina on the other side, fighting through bodies just as I did.

And then suddenly a green light shot from his wand and Emily Potter fell to the floor, dead.

And it was like the whole room just stopped and watched her fall. No one spoke a word. Rage boiled up inside me so deep that I did the only thing I could think to do.

"_Avada Kedevra!"_

And my voice wasn't the only voice to shout it. I looked to my left and saw Katarina, the mask on the floor. Her wand also raised.

I watched as if in slow motion both of green light collide into one large jet of light and hit the laughing death eater directly in the chest. He crumpled to the floor.

Death eaters all around the room started to disappear in thin air. I rushed towards Emily who was being covered by James, who was screaming at the top of his lungs. I saw Katarina in the corner of my eye grab Remus, who was now laying on the floor, blood pulled around him. She lifted him up and supported his weight. Sirius grabbed my arm and then we all met in the middle.

James never looked up.

Katarina reached for my hand and circled her fingers around mine. I squeezed back tightly.

"Emily!" Harry sobbed loudly, his hand coming undone from the robes. He crawled on the floor towards his son and his dead wife. Now everyone surrounded us, all watching with tears streaming down their face.

My own face was wet, with blood or tears I didn't know, nor did I really care. I released Katarina's hand and pushed her towards her brother and father.

She dropped to her knees and then finally James looked up.

His eyes caught sight of his sisters and he stared on as if in shock.

"James." She said softly.

She was the first one to speak since it happened.

Sirius grabbed my arm and Remus leaned weakly against my shoulder. My emerald dress completely covered in blood.

"Kitty Kat." He whispered, tears leaking from his eyes and then she was in his arms and he was squeezing her so tightly I thought she would break into two.

It was then in a room full of crowed people did hear his voice as though he was standing right next to me.

"_You haven't killed yet. Give it sometime. Wait until you see someone like me with a black hood killing or torturing someone you love. You won't stand by idly. Sometimes you just kill and you don't think twice about it."_

I hadn't thought. I just reacted. I saw one of the greatest and kindest woman I had ever known get murdered right before my very eyes and I just- I killed him.

I looked at the death eater on the floor by our feet. His mask was off, his wand lay at his side. It wasn't a face I had ever seen before. He was an older man, maybe in his late 50's. My eyes widen then.

It was a face I had seen before, maybe not the same face but I had seen this nose, and this mouth and most definitely the eyes. I had seen them as they stared me down, waiting for my death.

This man was unmistakengly, Evan Rosier Sr.

The man who had killed Katarina's real parents, and who had now killed the only Mother she had ever really known.

I looked hurriedly towards Katarina. Her eyes met mine over her brother's head. She had seen it too.

_It's about time._ Her eyes told me.

And even though I had killed someone, taken away the life of somones parent the way mine had been taken from me, and from Kat. I didn't really care. Maybe I would later on but for right now, I wouldn't have taken back what I did. Not for the world.

My green eyes stared back at her. And I know she would understand what they were saying.

_Karma's a bitch._


	22. A Promise

Sorry again for the wait on the chapter. Hopefully you enjoy this next bit, I should warn you though, it tends to be pretty sad.

-k-marieee

**Chapter twenty two- A Promise.**

I apparated onto the dark street, somewhere in downtown Muggle London. The street was familiar, a street I had walked with my parents a time or two when I was really young. I had known I was a witch then. Only because of Severus, who had seen me doing magic in a muggle park with Petunia. I hadn't even received my Hogwarts letter yet, but it was enough for my sister to still consider me a freak. I remember we weren't even speaking then, both of us walking a little bit behind mum and dad. We had gone into a few shops, older looking shops, they were filled with antiques and old-fashioned pretty items. There was an ice cream shop, my mum had told me that made the best homemade strawberry ice cream.

It was that ice cream shop I passed now. It was closed down and had been for some time. Much like the rest of the shops on the street. It was completely deserted.

But then they emerged, from the alley way to my left. Gideon and Fabian, they're bright red hair shining under the street lamps. But something was wrong. They weren't standing there waiting for me, like they should have been.

They were running.

Gideon looked over his shoulder and flung a purple jet of light behind him. A red light came, from a wand in the alley and hit Fabian in the shoulder. He went down to his knees in pain and it was then that our eyes met.

"LILY!" He screamed loudly, his sound echoing in the night.

I was finally able to move and I ran towards them as fast as I could. I could see the death eaters now, six of them with their wands raised shooting off spells quickly. When I reached them I dropped to my knees and gripped Fabian's shoulders in my hand. I whipped my wand out quickly a blocked a jet of red light coming our way.

I heard a growl of my name come from one of the death eaters.

Fabian stood, brushing my hands from his shoulders and jumped into battle next to his brother. The death eater took his mask from his face and glared at me.

"Hello Evan." I said with a small smile. "Fancy seeing you here."

He stood rigid. He opened his mouth and then closed it just as quickly.

"Are you going to speak or are you going to fight me?" I said when he made no move to speak. "Honestly, did you really _think _he didn't deserve what he got? He killed one of the nicest people I had ever met. What would you do Evan?" I taunted.

"I would do the same." He finally said. He raised his wand. "I'm going to kill you Lily Evans, and I'm going to watch as you scream and beg for death. I have no intention to make it quick."

I smiled and raised my wand. "And I have no intention of letting you kill me!"

And then he snapped, green light shot my way and I jumped to the right of it.

"I thought you said you were going to make it painful!" I teased, as I shot curse after curse his way.

"I intend to." He growled. "_Crucio_!"

"Evans!" One of the boys yelled, I'm not sure which, but I could remember hearing it through the pain. I did not scream. I couldn't. Even if I had wanted to. My bones were grinding against each other, my jaw was locked shut.

"Do it!" Someone else screamed. "Do it now!"

I glanced up from where I lay on the ground, my body still twitching uncontroably.

"DO IT!"

And then suddenly, "_AVADA KEDAVRA_!"

They fell then. Gideon and Fabian. Inches away from where I was laying. They're eyes staring at the stars, that I knew they couldn't see. I screamed then, so loud and so suddenly that it bounced of the buildings and it seemed to go on and on forever. And then there was peace, and the pain had stopped.

A face peered over my useless body. Evan.

"Not today Evans." Rosier said. "As much as I would love to, today is not your time to die. We had orders you see. First was Potter, and then the brothers. Who's next?" And then he laughed. And then he was gone.

I stared above me. Unable to move. I blinked once, and a tear leaked from the corner of my eye. I felt it roll down my cheek. And then it disappeared, until I blinked again and another tear took its place.

_Move, Lily. You just have to move. _ I told myself. _It's easy, one finger at a time. One toe at a time. Can you do it?_

I felt my toes wiggle in my shoes. I felt my fingers clench in a fist.

_Now, your head. Lift your head of the ground. Use your neck. Go on Lily. Do it. Just do it._

"Just do it." My mouth moved, forming the words. I blinked again, a fresh wave of tears falling down.

I lifted my head. There they were. Right next to me, lying in pools of their blood, eyes staring lifelessly. I sucked in a hard breath and then all at once, I moved. I threw myself at their bodies, lying completely on them, soaking my clothes, my hair, my face, with their blood. And then I screamed again. And I screamed and screamed and screamed. I screamed until my mouth was opening and nothing would come out.

_I should call someone. How long had I been out here?_

_Albus. I need to call Albus._

I couldn't speak. I couldn't say the words.

_Expecto Patronum._

It appeared, as bright as a white light, I had to shield my eyes. With it, it brought warmth and I breathed out a sigh of relief. The doe leaned its head down to me and I sucked it's life for all it was worth and then it was gone.

Not more than a minute later a loud crack was heard and then footsteps walking towards me.

"Lily!" Albus leaned down and pulled me away from the boys gripping my shoulders tightly in his hand. "Lily, what happened?"

I shook my head. I couldn't speak. I _wouldn't._

"Lily." He said calmly. "You need to tell me what happened."

I nodded and lifted a finger up to touch the side of my temple.

He removed his hand from shoulders and put his wand against the side of my head. My hand dropped back down into my lap, my hand tightening into a fist and then the images came. I saw it as if watching a film. I saw myself running towards them, I saw myself being tortured. I saw five death eaters take down Gideon and Fabian. _Five._

It stopped then and I realized I had a fresh wave of tears down my face.

"How long were you under?" He said suddenly. "How long?"

"You saw." I said softly, my voice hoarse.

"I'm going to take you home and then I must get to Molly's."

I grabbed his hand roughly. "I need to go with you." My voice rasped out. "Molly needs to hear it from me. I didn't save them. I need to-"

"It's an order Lily." He said, his blue eyes were shining behind his glasses but not in the way they normally did. If I didn't know any better they could have been filling with tears.

He took my hand and helped me stand. "Come."

**XX**

They were all sitting in the living room when I walked in the door. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Katarina and even James. I hadn't seen James since it happened, and Kat spent most of the time in her bedroom.

_Had it only been four days since Emily Potter was murdered in front of my very eyes?_ It felt like a life time.

No one spoke they just stared at me and I stared back. Sirius was the first to move, he was the closest to where I was standing so when I started to fall forward, unable to hold myself up any longer, he jumped up and caught me, helping me to land softly on my knees.

"Lily, what happened?" He demanded instantly, his hands on either side of my face.

I shook my head.

"You're bleeding." He said.

I saw Katarina stand up and move to stand above us. James and Remus watched with hard eyes.

"S'not mine." I slurred. "S'not mine."

Sirius leaned back.

"Whose?" Kat asked. "Lily who's is it?"

"G-Gideon's." I stutter. "A-and Fabian's."

Kat sucked in a deep breath. "Are they-"

I cut her off. "Dead. They're both dead."

James, Rem and Peter stood up then.

"What happened?" One of them asked, I'm not sure who. My eyes were squeezed shut, tears leaking in pink streaks down my face.

I can't tell them. I wouldn't tell them. I can't say the words again. I can't tell them that I taunted a man, whose father I had just killed 4 days before.

"Miss Evans needs to rest." Dumbledore says, walking through the open door. "She's in shock, and was put under the cruciatus curse for quite some time. I will explain, let Miss Evans cleaned up."

Kat dropped down beside Sirius. "Lily why didn't you say something?" She pulled me to my feet, "Here let me help you-"

"No." I said shaking my head and stepping out of her reach. "I'll do it myself."

I stepped around her and passed the boys as quickly as I could move as Albus began to speak. I did not want to hear this. I stepped into the bathroom and removed my clothes, throwing them in a pile on the floor right next to my bloody green dress robes I had worn 4 days ago, that I would never wear again.

I turned the water all the way to hot and stepped inside. I shivered first as the water hit my skin, not yet hot. I looked down, pink water was running down my body, with dark brown spots in, where the blood had dried on my skin. Four days ago I had done the same thing. It had been Remus' blood then, be we was only injured, he healed, or was mostly healed now anyway, but this was Gideons. Fabians. I would never see them again. I would never hear their silly jokes, or listen to them finish each other sentences in that funny way they had. They had made me feel comfortable when I first became a member of the order. They had been my friends.

No.

_They're still my friends_. I remind myself quickly. _They would always be my friends._

Just like Emily Potter would always be my second mother.

I closed my eyes and instantly I was flooded with images from that night. It had all been so quiet, the order members and of course James, Sirius, and Remus standing around her. One minute James and Kat were hugging and then before I could even blink they were dueling. I don't even remember how it happened. I remember watching for a few moments, unable to speak. No one was.

I remember finally snapping and blasting them apart with a shield charm.

"_Stop it!" _I had screamed. _"Stop it! Have you two gone mad?!"_

"_Shut up Lily!" James had yelled then. "You don't know what she did, you don't get what she did to my mum!"_

"_She was my mum too!" Kat yelled back, attempting to curse him again. The red light bounced of my shield charm and shattered a window instead._

"_Look at you two!" My voice was hoarse from screaming, behind James stood Harry with tears running down his cheeks. "Your mother was just murdered, Murded! In front of all of us and this is how you repay her!" My hands waved wildly in the air. "You're dueling over her dead body, how DARE you disrespect her in this way! How-how-"_

"_Lily enough." Sirius said, grabbing onto my arm._

"_No!" I yelled and pulled my arm away from his grasp. "No! You two make me fucking sick! Kat what you pulled the last month or so was utterly ridiculous. And James what you pulled just now? After your Mother died? How can you do this to her? HOW?" I put my arms back down at my sides and shook my head. "Boys, you need to leave, we have things to discuss." I said sternly. "Sirius, grab James and Remus. Peter was already moved earlier because he was injured. It's time to go."_

"_You can't just tell me to leave!" James yelled, inches from my face. "This is my house! My mother was just murdered. I have every right to be here."_

"_Sirius, NOW!" I snapped and pinched the bridge of my nose._

"_I hate you, Lily Evans." James said savagely, as he begun to get pulled away by Sirius. Remus gave me a pitying look._

_I tried to cover up the pain that hit me at those words. Worse than hearing my sister say it and call me a freak, worse than hearing Snape call me a mudblood in front of a half of our class._

_I stood tall and made my face into an indifferent mask._

"_Yes, well I'm sorry to hear that." I said back. "I don't really like you so much either right now."_

_And then the door was slammed shut._

I shook my head and opened my eyes. I was still in the shower the hot water turning my skin a bright red. I began to wash my body, scrub my body, until it was raw and I was sure all the blood was off. I picked at my finger nails until they were nubs on my fingers, I didn't want to see the blood that was under my once long finger nails.

I washed my hair then, and rinsed it, prolonging the feeling of being in the hot water. A knock sounded at the door.

"Lily?" Remus called. "Are you alright?"

"M'fine." I said softly. I cleared my throat, it was still scratchy. "I'll be out in a minute."

I was sure whether or not he answered, I wasn't listening anyway.

I sighed and shut the water off, stepping out and wrapping the towel around my body. I didn't bother to dry my hair, just left it wet and hanging down my back. I grabbed my wand and walked out of the bathroom, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone. I walked into my bedroom and quickly got dress, dressing a warm pair of pajama pants and big sweatshirt, that belonged to Remus.

Another knock sounded at the door. "Remus, I said I'm fine."

I heard the door open but still I didn't look up.

"It's not Remus."

My head shot up. "James."

He stood in the open door way a steaming mug of hot tea in his hands.

"I've brought you this." He said, walking close enough to hand me the hot tea.

I nod my head in thanks, but made no move to make a sip. I watched the steam rise out of the cup and swirl around into the air. The cup, though burning hot, did not hurt my hands.

"Lily, are you alright?"

I still didn't look up. "M'fine."

"Lily-" He began but I cut him off.

"James let's be honest with each other, yes?"

I looked up and he nodded.

"I'm a bloody fucking mess." I say, the mug slipping from my fingers and falling to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. Neither of us make a move to clean it up. "My parents were murdered this year, my sister disowned, I'm a member of the Order of the Phoenix in which I come close to death on almost a daily basis. I've watched a friend get taken by the death eater's knowing there was no where to go. My other friend, my _best friend_, become a death eater to try and find him. She left me." I spit out. "On my own. I had to look for her everyday. I couldn't believe that she'd leave me. And then you and you wouldn't speak to me. And then you're mother." I shook my head. "I watched her fall and I-I killed him. I killed the man that killed your mother and then I taunted his son."

"Lily, when-"

"Tonight. I saw Rosier tonight and I laughed in his face and told him that his father deserved to be killed. What kind of the person does that make me, James? What kind? And then two of the most honest, most true men I've known were murdered by five death eaters. Five, James, in front of me and I couldn't do anything to help them-"

"You were being tortured. You couldn't have-"

"I should have killed him too, James." I said cutting him off. "I should have killed him when I had the chance. After all he's done, all that he is going to do. I should have killed him."

He looked at me for a moment. Really looked at me. "And you'll get your chance."

I met his eyes. That was not what I expected him to say. I didn't expect him to understand. To know that I didn't want to be a killer, but after all that I have seen, after all of that, sometimes you don't have choice. It's kill or be killed, and if you are to take a life, you are saving hundreds of others, because they are only going to kill more and more innocents.

"You once said that 'You'll never fully understand the love a mother has for a child.' You told me that my mother fought for me everyday."

"She did."

He walks over to the bed and sits down next to me. I turn towards him, as he turns towards me and our knees touch.

"She's gone now, Lily." He said as his eyes turn molten. "She's gone, who will fight for me now?"

"I will." I tell him, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I will fight for you every day for the rest of my life. You will never be alone." Tears rolls down his cheeks as well and he squeezes my hand tightly in his own. "I won't give up on you and I won't abandon you. I will fight for you, always."

He lets go of my hand and throw his arms around. He doesn't seem to care that I've just been tortured. He hugs me tightly and put his cheek directly on mine. I thought he'd never let go. His tears mingled with mine and then after what seemed like hours I heard it.

"I'll fight for you to, Lily Evans."

My eyes squeeze shut.

"Always."

**XX**

I walked into the Potter house the next much like I had walked in a week ago, on the arms of Sirius and Remus. Only this time I wasn't so much as walking, as being supported. It was hard to stand on my own feet, my body too heavy to hold on my shaky legs. I suspect it was from the amount of time I was placed under the torture curse. The ball room was filled with chairs, witches and wizards all here to pay their respects to one of the greatest witches the world had ever known.

My eyes locked onto James, who was standing by the casket with his father and Katarina. My heart swelled for a moment seeing that Katarina had her hand in James'.

When we finally reached them, Remus and Sirius let go of me, only when they were sure James had supported my full weight. I kissed his cheek softly and then was passed to Harry, who held me tightly for a moment.

"My wife loved you very much, Lily." He told me pulling back to look in my face. "She thought you were one of the bravest and most brilliant witch she had ever known. She loved you Lily, please remember that."

"I will Harry." I vow. "For the rest of my wife."

Sirius and Remus were back, grabbing my arms softly and walking me to our seats. They stopped for a moment and Katarina leaned forward and kissed my cheek. Peter was already there, Remus slid in next to him and then I and then Sirius. Still I found that Sirius refused to let go of my hand. And I held onto his for dear life.

The ceremony started and I found that as much as I wanted to, I could not stop listening. Beside me, Sirius wept. His tears dropping onto our joined hands. And I cried to, for Sirius who lost the first person to ever show him compassion, to show him what it meant to be a family. I cried for Katarina who loved Emily Potter more than she had loved her own mother. I cried for Harry who had lost his best friend and the person he had spent over 50 years of his life with. And lastly I cried for James, who didn't know what it was like to live in a world without a parent. Who didn't have the horrors of growing up scared every day for your family, like I had, or scared to live with your family like Sirius and Katarina had. He had been sheltered and now he was exposed to the bad things the world held. He had been thrown into, without any warning. Of course he had read the papers. Of course he has known all along that something bad was coming, but now he knew that they were already here. And he found out in the most horrid way and person can.

I looked up and my eyes landed on the body of Emily, so frail and so beautiful, even in death did she glow.

_I will protect your son, Emily._ I thought to myself hoping she could hear me, wherever she is. _Both of them._ I added on as Sirius gave my hand a squeeze. _And I will look after Katarina. I will make sure she doesn't lose her way. _

I found James eyes, and held onto them.

_And I will make him smile again. _

That is a promise.


End file.
